Pregnancy before marriage or after marriage, which do you prefer?

[WhoYouCantKill]

Most women go into marriage because they're pregnant for the person they're dating,not necessarily because their are in love.getting married because of pregnancy is a no for me,get married love each other properly and the right way before thinking of children. pregnancy should not be  the reason why you are getting married.

I agree with you that getting married simply because of conception isn’t ideal at all. But do you also realize that there are people who also got married because they truly loved each other but along the line fell out of love and even got divorced. That’s why even the Bible advises to love who you marry and not necessarily marry who you love, because if you marry someone who you love, and maybe they stop doing that thing that made you love them when you’re already married, there are possibilities of falling out of love with that person, but if you marry a person and then love the person you married, then these kind of love are often unconditional because you’re not loving them for any other reason but simply because they are your spouse, so even if the person changes behavior, you’ll still love them simply because you’re still married to them.

[free-bit.co.in]

I don’t even think this should even be something to deliberate soo much on. I will not quote you wrong in saying that some people want pregnancy proof before marriage, but what is actually right is marriage before pregnancy. So wanting pregnancy first is just like disagreeing to a fact.

Being pregnant or even having a child feels like a risk. Why should a lady take that much risk because you cannot bear the risk of having a home with one who cannot conceive.

All I see is selfishness. Yes it happens sometimes and even unplanned which is understandable. But intentionally asking for a proof of fertility, I’m sorry but love is long gone.
Personally, I cannot ask a lady to do that for me, it’s really unsettling.
So you actually put an unborn child first before your wife? Men we can do better please.

Idk, I don't think there's a right or wrong here tbh. It's all just perception. Idea that marriage has to come before kids isn't some absolute truth, it's just a social norm that's been around for centuries and people got used to it.
Many people just haven't accepted anything that goes against the norms they were raised with, that's all.

But I agree with your second point. Using fertility as a standard for marriage is wrong and selfish. On top of that, people keep talking about infertility in women while forgetting that infertility rates among men are also rising. So do men have to prove their fertility before getting married too? LOL.

[Munroe123]

I will still prefer pregnancy after marriage because of the following reasons: Marriage first offers legal protection, shared stability, and strong community backing, parenting first focuses on biological timing and joint devotion without legal formal ties, neither path guarantees a happy home; true success lies in emotional readiness, a child thrives on genuine affection, safety, and unwavering parental commitment and the strength of the home matters far more than the marriage certificate on paper.

[laspol65]

In my observations in our society today,there is an increasing rate up to ninety percent of men that prefer their woman to be pregnant before marriage, reason been that they feel most women have messed up their wombs out of youthful exuberance and may not be able to concieve again and for this reason most bachelors wouldn't want to stay in a marriage without a child and at such they prefer having a confirmed pregnancy result before proceducing for any marital right, what are your stand on this?

Look, maybe your country's culture has accepted this, but our country's culture does not. So we are not likely to have any kind of touch with our partner before marriage, because the better, smarter and more secure the partner is, the more she will be able to maintain her position in society. Our society accepts that she cannot have any kind of physical relationship and association with different types of people, so this is the only good thing in this situation.
And the good thing is that everyone likes a pure woman, so society gives the most importance to a pure woman. In our society and according to the culture of the country, a pure woman is the most attractive.

[Cossyblack]

If you you take your time to understand where at Tmoonz is driving at, he might be making sense, it might not actually be about trust issues, but people have hed experience like this and it is a lesson for some folks that want to get into marriage, about the test that can be done to know if both partners are fertile before the man can proceed with the marriage rites, are you aware that there are desperate women that can do anything to make a man marry them, she can decide that you guys will run the test in the hospital that she suggested, you might not be suspicious of anything.
For a man to have this, in his mind, he should have made his decision to marry the lady in question, to avoid  anyone getting hurt at the end.

I clearly understand what you and tmoonz are trying to explain but why would a man want to marry a woman he doesn't trust? Before you decides you want to marry her, you must had done some findings about her and the family she come from, gather information to be sure she is actually the right person. They are some women who have live a wild live in the past, and when they have reach a certain age, they humble themselves, pretend they are responsible to attract a responsible man for marriage. Such women might have health complications and want to keep it a secret from the man,this is why gathering information about a lady you want to marry is important especially from her close friends or old neighbourhood she has lived in before.

Marriage isn't a child play that's why men should be much serious about the fertility of their spouse. If she suggests that you go to her hospital to run the fertility test,you can as well suggest that the test should be run in three different hospitals to be sure that the results are the same and one of those hospitals would be yours and the second will be a neutral hospital.

[Ever-young]

I don’t even think this should even be something to deliberate soo much on. I will not quote you wrong in saying that some people want pregnancy proof before marriage, but what is actually right is marriage before pregnancy. So wanting pregnancy first is just like disagreeing to a fact.

Being pregnant or even having a child feels like a risk. Why should a lady take that much risk because you cannot bear the risk of having a home with one who cannot conceive.

All I see is selfishness. Yes it happens sometimes and even unplanned which is understandable. But intentionally asking for a proof of fertility, I’m sorry but love is long gone.
Personally, I cannot ask a lady to do that for me, it’s really unsettling.
So you actually put an unborn child first before your wife? Men we can do better please.

Idk, I don't think there's a right or wrong here tbh. It's all just perception. Idea that marriage has to come before kids isn't some absolute truth, it's just a social norm that's been around for centuries and people got used to it.
Many people just haven't accepted anything that goes against the norms they were raised with, that's all.

I actually understand where you are coming from but the truth is that putting pregnancy first before marriage comes with soo much uncertainties. I mean I came in a generation where having a child out of wedlock is stigmatized but that aside, I believe everyone has their priorities set, they know what they value and as well what they want.
That young man that puts pregnancy first wants a child and not a wife. The wife is just a proper medium to get the child. Yes there are people that take responsibility for unplanned but the OP specifically talked about the ones that intentionally wants the child first before legal proceedings, practically making it a criteria for marriage.
 
Even the God give wisdom alone can tell us that marriage comes first. The whole idea of wanting a proof before legal proceedings practically overrules the idea of marriage itself.

[Franklyn-wood]

I will still prefer pregnancy after marriage because of the following reasons: Marriage first offers legal protection, shared stability, and strong community backing, parenting first focuses on biological timing and joint devotion without legal formal ties, neither path guarantees a happy home; true success lies in emotional readiness, a child thrives on genuine affection, safety, and unwavering parental commitment and the strength of the home matters far more than the marriage certificate on paper.

Pregnancy after marriage is actually good to an extent based on some of the reason you have mentioned above and more like that of the emotional reactions towards child birth and responsibility associated with it, traditional believes, family ties. But some time it does not worth some of this point we list out and my reason is if the both partner truly loves themselves the fear of having kids before wedding should not be a problem to them. I have seen couples after marriage that could not bear children after there wedding, so if they have tried pregnancy during cuting dating which could possibly reviled this aspect that is most important in every marriage.

[HyperCodexV]

Most women go into marriage because they're pregnant for the person they're dating,not necessarily because their are in love.getting married because of pregnancy is a no for me,get married love each other properly and the right way before thinking of children. pregnancy should not be  the reason why you are getting married.

I agree with you that getting married simply because of conception isn’t ideal at all. But do you also realize that there are people who also got married because they truly loved each other but along the line fell out of love and even got divorced. That’s why even the Bible advises to love who you marry and not necessarily marry who you love, because if you marry someone who you love, and maybe they stop doing that thing that made you love them when you’re already married, there are possibilities of falling out of love with that person, but if you marry a person and then love the person you married, then these kind of love are often unconditional because you’re not loving them for any other reason but simply because they are your spouse, so even if the person changes behavior, you’ll still love them simply because you’re still married to them.

All these rules of marrying who you love or loving who you marry won't really hold that value if there is no deep friendship to begin with. Because romance can fade and feelings can obviously change after some years of so many household bills but once your partner is your best friend, then no matter the ups and downs, the marriage will always survive. So whether you start your family before tying the knot in a church wedding or after, just make sure you are marrying someone you can always talk to, argue peacefully with and also solve hard problems with.

[Ojima-ojo]

Having kid's should be based on contract, both for those in marriage and the guys who are single but want to have kid's, but for someone that is interested in building a family, you should know that proper planning is very important and if you have kid's before marriage it could stop some of your life plans.


Raising kids is quite expensive lately and for that reason, we have to prepare and arrange for kid's before they arrives, alot of those that got pregnant unprepared faces alot of crisis and confusion in life when those kids begin to demand for what they may not be able to provide at that moment because they weren't prepared before the arrival of that child so the burden becomes overwhelming for them

[Smack That Ace]

Having kid's should be based on contract, both for those in marriage and the guys who are single but want to have kid's, but for someone that is interested in building a family, you should know that proper planning is very important and if you have kid's before marriage it could stop some of your life plans.


Raising kids is quite expensive lately and for that reason, we have to prepare and arrange for kid's before they arrives, alot of those that got pregnant unprepared faces alot of crisis and confusion in life when those kids begin to demand for what they may not be able to provide at that moment because they weren't prepared before the arrival of that child so the burden becomes overwhelming for them

Kid are blessing, not burden.

You are right, raising kid cost a lot more these day than it used to. So yeah, some preparation is needed. But I do not think we have to plan everything out or wait until our finances are completely stable before having kid.

Life is never perfect and standard we set keep changing once we have more. So if we keep waiting for everything to be perfect we might never really feel ready.

Financial stress and rough patches just come with being a parent. They shouldn't be an excuse to treat kids like dead weight.

[free-bit.co.in]

I actually understand where you are coming from but the truth is that putting pregnancy first before marriage comes with soo much uncertainties. I mean I came in a generation where having a child out of wedlock is stigmatized but that aside, I believe everyone has their priorities set, they know what they value and as well what they want.
That young man that puts pregnancy first wants a child and not a wife. The wife is just a proper medium to get the child. Yes there are people that take responsibility for unplanned but the OP specifically talked about the ones that intentionally wants the child first before legal proceedings, practically making it a criteria for marriage.
 
Even the God give wisdom alone can tell us that marriage comes first. The whole idea of wanting a proof before legal proceedings practically overrules the idea of marriage itself.

Like I said, Im with you on this, treating fertility as a marriage criteria is messed up and that is not real love.

I have got zero respect for guy who see women as nothing more than a babymaking machine. Those guys do not deserve genuine love.

Marriage is something sacred and should be built on love, respect and responsibility for each other, not just having kids and carrying on the family line. Kids are a huge part of a family, sure, but they can't be the deciding factor on whether someone deserves love or marriage.

[Bd officer]

Although this topic is old and I just saw it today and was surprised by the title. I think people in some countries prefer to get pregnant before marriage, like Messi became a father before marriage and got married later. Although in our society it is not acceptable to get pregnant before marriage. Also from a religious point of view it is not allowed to get pregnant before marriage.

If a woman gets pregnant before marriage in our country then people in the society hate her. Children are a blessing from Allah, so one should not do immoral things to ensure pregnancy before marriage. So I think it is better to get pregnant after marriage.

[Itz-prisigold]

Like I said, Im with you on this, treating fertility as a marriage criteria is messed up and that is not real love.

I have got zero respect for guy who see women as nothing more than a babymaking machine. Those guys do not deserve genuine love.

Marriage is something sacred and should be built on love, respect and responsibility for each other, not just having kids and carrying on the family line. Kids are a huge part of a family, sure, but they can't be the deciding factor on whether someone deserves love or marriage.

You actually just spoke my mind. I do understand that it's a normal thing wanting kids in a marriage, but I don't think it should be requirement that a lady needs to prove before marriage. It's just as if the society expects women to be wives, mothers, homemakers and caregivers before even thinking of what they want in life as a woman.

Every woman has her own dreams, plans, opinions and things she wants to achieve in life. If two adults want to get married, It should be that they choose each other as partners and not the other way round, where one party is seeing the other party as a machine to produce children. Don't get me wrong, children are important, but child birth should not be a test to consider that a woman is worthy of marriage.