mizerydearia's obnoxious health escapade

[mizerydearia]

So, I feel completely and overwhelmingly obnoxious for this (and some previous efforts) to promote, mention or otherwise publicize this particular health issue that I am suffering and that is interrupting my participation and productivity relative to bitcoin-related projects and developments as if I am some sort of selfish greedy scam artist pursuant of an effort to take advantage of others' generosities, helpfulnesses, emotions, concerns, etc, yet, regardless, I must tell the world nonetheless, as an effort to better help myself and everyone else that is suffering similar and other derivative health issues.  The world must know!

I'll keep this short and simple, and no, I'm not asking for any help, assistance or anything, because I fucking (profanity used as implication of seriousness if it can even be evaluated as such) despise greed...too much that it's unhealthy...oooh, perhaps it is my massive despisedness that is the cause for my health issues (I'll have to look into that)...

Here's my reddit post.

Here's my journal: https://gitorious.org/health-journal/mizerydearia/trees/master

Teh Aind!

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[BadBear]

Have you seen a doctor?  Or a psychiatrist?

[BitcoinPorn]

I wish you the best in your health, but I worry you are not making it to proper help/aid, is that also motivation behind such public display of your self findings?

[mizerydearia]

I have, however, the visits were uneventful, unhelpful and unproductive.  The last visit with a doctor at a hospital in Wisconsin consumed much of my time trying to convince me that my issue was a psychological disorder and that any other issue (e.g. bugs, bacteria, fungii, etc) is not something that the doctor or anyone at the hospital could treat and that any blood test work they would pursue would not test for anything relating to that.  The hospital was Aurora West Allis Medical Center.  I believe the lack of helpfulness and the persistance of psychological disorder is merely an effort related to the corruption (laziness and/or greed?) of industry, especially relative to the minimal or lack of monetary or other forms of wealth in which I am not worthy or valuable enough to receive related health treatments, inspections or other efforts to combat my particular health issue.  Actually, I think the reality of which there is no cure or resolution for this particular health issue in which some others have been suffering for almost a decade and maybe some even longer, is related to the reality that many of us humans that endure these health issues are not wealthy enough to be worthy of necessary research, investigation, understanding or related health procedures to establish a reliable and effective remedy, medicine or cure.  Many others who have been suffering from this and other derivative health issues have wasted so much monies pursuing ineffective treatments as suggested and offered by multiple doctors or other health professionals.

Though I express the sentiment above especially based on the lack of helpfulness from the last doctor I visited, I have started a journal now and have better documented my experiences that may be more usefully or impactfully recognized that I'm not crazy or imagining things and perhaps it may spark some effort to consider the reality of the situation and to allow for better treatment for myself or others.  We shall see.  My publicizing the journal here and elsewhere is an effort to spread awareness of it and also maybe to try to encourage for better treatment as a result, if not for myself, then for everyone else that suffers similarly.

I wish you the best in your health, but I worry you are not making it to proper help/aid, is that also motivation behind such public display of your self findings?

Yes.  I have been quite unproductive and lazy even to pursue effort of seeing a doctor, but that was primarily based on my bias that no doctor will be helpful for me based on my already established biases of the health industry but also influenced by my last visit with a doctor just a couple months ago which acknowledged my doubts/biases (though, I don't mean to pursue stereotypical consideration that just because one hospital or a couple doctors at the hospital confirmed my doubts/biases that all doctors will as well.  I shall keep an open mind in that regard.)  But now that I have a journal and am detailingly and effortfully documenting my situation more reliably and informatively, I have a kind of inspiration to be more effortful and accomplishing to succeed in my quest (wooo, I'm on a quest).  Also, publicizing my issue is contributory towards my inspiration as well since it provides further incentive for me to be more effortful and productive in accomplishing my goals and desires to be peacefully free from this health defect in the sense that not only would I let myself down otherwise, but I would also let others down too in the case that they are aware of it and perhaps cheering me on or whatever.  Already, the few people I had collaborated with privateishly are concerned and worried for me and want to help me, and just knowing that is inspirational.  Buuut, I need moar inspiration.  MOAR INSPIRATION!!  So, I shall tell the world.  And it's not just for me.  I want to help myself, but I also want to try to help everyone else that suffers similarly.  So, what better way than to provide information?  That is the point of my journal.  And that is the reason why I'm openly publicizing here.  It's not about me, but more so about the reality of the health issue and it is for all human existences that are suffering and surviving perhaps still hopeful for freedom and peace.   blah, blah, go miz go!

[RandyFolds]

I'll just leave this here...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morgellons

[mizerydearia]

I'll just leave this here...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morgellons

Already listed at https://gitorious.org/health-journal/mizerydearia/blobs/master/infos and https://gitorious.org/health-journal/mizerydearia/blobs/master/links

[BrightAnarchist]

Can you describe the sensations in more detail? Do you experience pain of any burning or aching variety? Are there any visible abnormalities, or do you look comoetely healthy? How long have you had this? Has it increased in intensity over time? Does it wax and wane? Did it begin in the gnital region or lower body region, or pretty much evwrywhere ( that is, what is the pattern of spreading )? Do you find any relief in symptoms from relaxing in a hot bath?

Sorry for all the questions but I too have a disease that is very debilitating and no doctors were able to diagnose ( every test in the world came back negative, they ended up kicking me out of the hospital and telling me it was all "in my head"). I was in so much physical pain that for the first and only time in my life I consiered suicide. But the free market saved me, a bit of time on google and then a visit to a private clinic, I found I was suffering from full body chronic myofacial pain (CMP). I still have it now, it's a very weird disease that can produce all kinds of weird and painful sensations, but I have slowly been getting better since I started treatment. It feels like fibromyalgia in some ways, but luckily, it's very treatable and much more well understood ( except for some reason not understood by the 10+ idiot doctors that I saw ). It is also particularly virulent in the genital region simply because of referred pain from pelvic muscles ( also called chronic pelvic pain or CPPS, which is merely a subset of myofacial pain/CMP). But it is not due to a virus or bacteria or anything, it's a neuro-muscular disorder.

Maybe there is no connection here, but the point I need to make is to NOT GIVE UP keep researching, it is up to you to figure it out, you will find out the cause eventually. I lost all respect for doctors after my journey, and realize now that you are truely on your own to fight for your life.

[JusticeForYou]

If one seeks answers from a Psychologist/ Psychiatrist, they tend to find psychiatric problems. If from dermatologist, they tend to find a derma-logical disorder and so on.

It would seem that you need  Dr. Gregory House (fictional) but his real life equivalent.

I also despise, greed, not to a point that it should not exist but to keep it in a relative perspective to the basic needs of people. I do not dislike profit but insane profit.

With the rational being covered.

There are wolves in the world. There are conspiracies (although conspirators are the first to denounce them) that go on for a multitude of reasons. Some to discredit ones ability to cause harm to an organization. (Thinking of the Medal of Honor winner being called 'crazy' by his company because of one email and a protest against selling arms.) Their are many others also, public and private.

Sometimes, threats, can be indirect but must be taken seriously because the people making said threats have power. It is best to let those go, time is the remedy for the powerful. They tend to eat each other up.

 (Have you pissed off any powerful people or organizations?) You must lay out all the evidence before you decide and apply Occam's Razor. Which by the way, I always found funny. Because if people were to conspire, they would apply this principle and choose a method that would get discarded.

Perfect Paranoia is perfect awareness but at a cost.  I have found a solution is to take comfort in people you can trust (I mean really Trust) and just continue cause sometimes it is better to just let it go. Nature is the the best cure for the evil.

Arrogance is the downfall for powerful people and organizations. They will assume they are untouchable and bam the Roman Empire no longer exists. The intelligence of a person isn't measured with paper, it is measured with thought.

I deluded this post a little and I am sorry to do so. I would think your first step is to see your 'Dr. House' and work from there.

[mizerydearia]

Can you describe the sensations in more detail? Do you experience pain of any burning or aching variety? Are there any visible abnormalities, or do you look comoetely healthy?

Depending on the intensity, the pain is similar to that of a bite from a bug, for bugs that bite.  Mosquito bites are usually painless, and so that is not much of a comparison.  Perhaps in addition a bite sensation, a pinching sensation may be helpful to understand, each pinch sensation having a variable intensity, in which the most intense are quite painful in the sense that the pain is sudden or instant and with touching, it is relieved and the remainder of pain is mental or psychological.  I do not feel any burning or itching besides that of the immediate kind of itching sensation related to that of pinching or nibbling.  The itching does not persist.

Prior to December 9th (see this) I did not have any abnormalities whatsoever.  Thus, for approximately seven months there were no noticeable signs other than perhaps my hair, which at this time I feel is a very related and important aspect of my health issue.  I believe it is related, but am not entirely certain.  However, on December 9th, I endured a most intense nibble sensation and during the minute after it happened I felt with my finger touching the affected area behind my right ear, as if something very tiny was working its way into my skin.  It produced a scab like wound that lasted for a while.  That wound is gone now.  There are a couple other irregularities and also some other undocumented oddities, but I do not feel they are useful, reliable, worthy, or visually revealing enough to assume perspective of physical health issue.  Though, perhaps microscopically relative to bacteria or fungii there may be noticeable physical defects, perhaps especially prominently in my hair.  I feel many nibbles occur on my head and from my hair.  I am very worried about my hair/head as if there is something up there.  I cannot see what goes on up there.

I look healthy overall I think... though, my physical appearance is perhaps deteriorating kind of like the comparison of mugshots of a person over the several year span of their criminality which portrays the deteriorating facial evolution.  Though, my evolution of facial appearance may not seem unhealthy as of yet.

How long have you had this?

Since approximately February of 2011.

Has it increased in intensity over time?

Kind of.  Towards the beginning it was minimal, but gradually and perhaps quickly (a month or two?) grew in intensity or frequency in which since then the intensities or frequencies still fluctuate perhaps sporadically or it seems kinf of patternistic also...a bit.  It is patternistic in the sense that during both of my nibble logs I was anticipating another swarm of sensations (what I'm experiencing right now, actually, on the surface of my head, over and over and over, 1-20 second intervals), but there was no swarm.  I had the idea that swarms would be daily, but it seems more patternistic that swarms may skip a day or two.  But then sometimes I endure two or more swarms in a single day.  Regardless of consideration of patterns, the nibbles are constant in which the interval varies from 0 seconds to maybe at the very most ten minutes, but generally 20-30 seconds

Does it wax and wane?

I'm not sure what this means.

Did it begin in the gnital region or lower body region, or pretty much evwrywhere ( that is, what is the pattern of spreading )?

No.  And also I haven't had sexual intercourse or other sexual relations or intimacy (other than hugging a couple of people) in approximately five years.

Do you find any relief in symptoms from relaxing in a hot bath?

Definitely.  I've been taking baths and long showers now practically twice a day because I need the relief.  Though, also I have taken baths waiting to feel the sensations whilst under water to better determine perhaps the reality of whether the sensations are triggered externally or internally.  Though recently a couple times I think I have felt the sensations while under water, I am not entirely certain and as of yet do not have any reliable evaluations related to under water other than that for the most part, it seems I am not affected under water.

Sorry for all the questions but I too have a disease that is very debilitating and no doctors were able to diagnose ( every test in the world came back negative, they ended up kicking me out of the hospital and telling me it was all "in my head").

Mm, no worries at all, and I appreciate the questions (though, also you can find answers to some from reading my journal, but maybe tl;dr type of effort is evolutionary or societally normal behavioral expectation now and though I am still writing tl;dr answers, they are directly affiliated with your effortfully typed questions asked on demand and easily locatable as opposed to having searching through prior historical documentation/information...history, it's just that...history.  Repetition ftw!) as it helps to provide perhaps better searchability in the case others experience similar health issues, perhaps they may stumble upon my documentations and informations similarly to how I stumbled upon others' experiences as well (and disappointingly, my attempt to participate there resulted in censorship and bannage)

Maybe there is no connection here, but the point I need to make is to NOT GIVE UP keep researching, it is up to you to figure it out, you will find out the cause eventually. I lost all respect for doctors after my journey, and realize now that you are truely on your own to fight for your life.

Yeah, thanks.  I realize that and in relation to my biases, that is the basis for my full disclosure and journalistic documentation.  The health industry may keep privatized records on their patients.  Similarly, I'm keeping open public records on my healths.

(Have you pissed off any powerful people or organizations?) You must lay out all the evidence before you decide and apply Occam's Razor. Which by the way, I always found funny. Because if people were to conspire, they would apply this principle and choose a method that would get discarded.

I have not.  Thanks for Occam's Razor reference.
I guess even though I suggested my efforts are to be helpful for others than just myself, that may not be possible at all considering all humans health issues are unique and must be investigated separately...though, at least the information I provide as part of my journal and other discussions may be useful.

[RandyFolds]

When I used to swim competitively, my skin would get so dry that I would be unable to sleep for the crawling and itching feelings.

Is there an environmental contaminant that you come in contact with regularly? What industry is near your home?

[mizerydearia]

The health issue began shortly after I moved into a slummy apartment in the ghetto of Milwaukee, WI.  The apartment was incredulously disgusting and filthy.  For example the refrigerator hadn't been opened for a couple years (as per slumlord's admittance) and when I did open it, I held my breathe and ran away to let the odor dissipate.  Inside was blackness and thousands of bug shell remains.  I'm fairly confident that my health issue is related to living in that location.

At first there were bugs and the bugs were a constant, since February.  I killed several of them as they flew in front of me.  The nibbles began around then.  The bugs flew around, but less visibly afterwards.  I saw them, but never on me or nibbling on me.  Yet, I had influence or idea that they were the cause for my nibbling sensations.  But since that beginning, I have never seen bugs nibble on me.  The bugs persisted and followed me everywhere, including when I was in Warszawa, Poland.  But since I returned from Poland, now they have disappeared.  e.g. there are no more bugs.  But the nibbles persist.  Also, the damage to my hair began around the beginning of this year after I moved into that apartment.

I remember distinctly that everything began after moving into the apartment because I did not have any of these experiences prior to that.  Buut, I cannot declare or be certain that I contracted the health issue in relation to living in the apartment, yet it seems fairly accurate or reliable that that is the case.

A bit more details about my lifestyle while living in that apartment.

From the day that I moved in to the apartment to the day that I left, I was in the apartment practically 24/7 other than going out to buy food.  I endured the disgustingness that was the apartment and the dirtiness was preserved.  It was too overwhelmingly disgusting to clean and I didn't have the money to afford cleaning materials.  I endured living there because I had nowhere else to go other than homelessness and my father insisted and offered to pay the us$370/mo rent expense and additional expenses (electricity/Internet).

Gah...I really miss Appleton.  Ever since the day that my father came to visit me and insist to take me back to Milwaukee (as part of his pleading with me to help him with some things including teaching newly arrived (from another country) family members that couldn't speak English), my life has devolved so devastatingly and dramatically, though I'm not going to elaborate about those issues.  My sole concern which is impacting me most devastatingly is this health issue.

My next efforts are to contact doctors (after holidays).  For now I wait at least until Monday.

Oh, perhaps this community can help me in my effort to contact doctors.  I have no idea what to say or ask or whether I should make a statement, ask a question or both.  What perspective should I pursue in my contacting each of the doctors?

[BrightAnarchist]

Anything else other than the crawling sensations? Any shooting pain, cramps, muscle spasms, numbness, weakness, constipation?

Also, have you had injury or accident (like a car accident) or any kind of surgery? Have you had an MRI or EMG done?

[mizerydearia]

Anything else other than the crawling sensations? Any shooting pain, cramps, muscle spasms, numbness, weakness, constipation?

Also, have you had injury or accident (like a car accident) or any kind of surgery? Have you had an MRI or EMG done?

ugh.. I just typed a lengthy post and it's gone now.  Anyhow, crawling is inaccurate.  The sensations are more like nibbling or pinching or that of something cutting through and injecting itself into me (such as that of the experience I endured on December 9th which was most intense)

[BitcoinPorn]

My next efforts are to contact doctors (after holidays).  For now I wait at least until Monday.

Oh, perhaps this community can help me in my effort to contact doctors.  I have no idea what to say or ask or whether I should make a statement, ask a question or both.  What perspective should I pursue in my contacting each of the doctors?

I think this is the best bet.  Health care is available, look hard, check local colleges and as many walk ins as possible to see any options.   If you have to, go to the emergency room, tell them you fainted then describe the rest of your real symptoms.

[teflone]

If you think its related to your living environment, I suggest moving.. I know, not easy.. 

Or try staying away from your place for an extended period to gauge response..

[mizerydearia]

If you think its related to your living environment, I suggest moving.. I know, not easy.. 

Or try staying away from your place for an extended period to gauge response..

I think it originated from a living space, but it has preserved through several spaces including another country and back.  Moving alone will not help.  I must pursue other efforts and remedies to alleviate the situation.  Considering humans are 90-99% microbes/bugs, it seems likely that I will have to pursue some kind of treatment to minimize/reduce or destroy the affected infestation inside my body and perhaps also outside such as on my hairs and floating around like fungal spores.  Though I am not a doctor, and my continued recognization of spore infestation may be inaccurate.

[BrightAnarchist]

If you think its related to your living environment, I suggest moving.. I know, not easy.. 

Or try staying away from your place for an extended period to gauge response..

I think it originated from a living space, but it has preserved through several spaces including another country and back.  Moving alone will not help.  I must pursue other efforts and remedies to alleviate the situation.  Considering humans are 90-99% microbes/bugs, it seems likely that I will have to pursue some kind of treatment to minimize/reduce or destroy the affected infestation inside my body and perhaps also outside such as on my hairs and floating around like fungal spores.  Though I am not a doctor, and my continued recognization of spore infestation may be inaccurate.

You should get checked for bacteria and parasites just to allieviate your concern about that potential. However, your description seems more neurological to me than caused by any kind of infection. Infection of any type would likely make you sick ( throwing up, etc ) have you seen a neurologist?

Also, had you been suffering from a lot of stress prior to the onset of symptoms? Stress shuts down immune activity and increases muscle tension and can cause nerve injury. In my case once I stopped worrying about my condition, I finally started to slowly improve. My advice for you if you don't know what it is yet, you should keep journaling, see more doctors, stay calm, and above all, do the activities that relieve your symptoms as much as possible, because they could be the key to eventually eliminating them. If a hot bath helps, then do this every day for an hour and see if after a month you notice any difference in symptoms. I sit in a really hot bath every day for about 2-3 hours, and after one month I'm finally really noticing a marked decrease in symptoms. Basically, just journal what you feel symptomatically, and what you were doing physically and how you were feeling emotionally at th onset, and eventually patterns may emerge. With these patterns, you can learn to avoid aggravating thoughts and actions, and pursue what seems to help.

I would try the doctor route for a bit, but if they can't help or figure it out, I would try the approach I have outlined above, if you can find any correlations they could be the key to getting better.

[mizerydearia]

As of yet I haven't seen a neurologist, but I would like to.

I've suffered from various forms of distressful efforts or thoughts throughout my life, some quite severe and overwhelming.  However, at the time I contracted the nibbling sensations, I don't think any stress was involved, though, I had been quite distressed around the time.

I'll provide some brief story-like details.

I lived in Appleton for 6.5 years without any health issues.
(briefly: I do not get along with my parents.)
My father kind of begged me to come to Milwaukee to help him with some things (teaching newly arrived (from another country) family members English and some other work/help for him.  I came to stay with my father in Franklin (Milwaukee), experienced dramas galore, and I eventually stayed with my ex-stepfather for a while, as long as he let me, but it wasn't long.
Without knowing where to go or how to continue surviving, my father insisted I move into a particular apartment in the ghetto of Milwaukee and that he would pay for it for me.  Related to dramas and his effortful initiation of force and other authoritative influences over me, I asked him if I had a choice and he said no.  After having lived there for like six months, everyone that saw the apartment was devastated/shocked at how my father could let me live there.  Anyhow, it was completely putridly disgusting and has greatly affected my consideration that my health issues sparked from living there also because they started shortly after I moved in.  I did not have any health issues just before moving in at all, ever, nada, nothing.

But, even though my health issues started at the same time that I moved into that apartment, that alone does not guarantee or prove that my health issues came from it, and it could be from other things such as distress, but as of yet, that seems quite unlikely or I am not so convinced.  Though, I shall try to keep an open mind. =/

[BitcoinPorn]

Also, had you been suffering from a lot of stress prior to the onset of symptoms? Stress shuts down immune activity and increases muscle tension and can cause nerve injury. In my case once I stopped worrying about my condition, I finally started to slowly improve. My advice for you if you don't know what it is yet, you should keep journaling, see more doctors, stay calm, and above all, do the activities that relieve your symptoms as much as possible, because they could be the key to eventually eliminating them.

Doctor first but I agree with what BrightAnarchist is saying too.  I think I recall reading situations that may definitely cause stress that would have physical manifestations.  I have personally dealt with issues very related to stress and it causing my body to react in ways that only relate to symptoms of something else that come out of nowhere.   Best of luck mizery

[mizerydearia]

Regarding trying the doctor route, I am a bit worried or concerned about it in relation to how costly it will be and especially to the reality that I have no money.  Well.... I could sell my computers and clothes for money, but that seems ineffective or not enough value to be useful for my health or other expenses.  And I don't think I could manage existing nekkid afterwards for too long, especially during this winter.