When Help Turns to Hurt;Avoid Lending Significant Money to Friends

[sunsilk]

This is what we should do, if we can't give them the asking amount as they borrow. Just help in kind with any amount that you're okay with, an amount that you won't feel bad at all and at the same time, you'll not think of anymore whether they'll return it or not.

It's easy to say like that, but the reality isn't.

If you make $300 per month and he ask for $150, if you only able to risk $10, your friend might find you're joking because that's a small amount and you will feel bad for lend the amount that you can afford to lose.

It's easier to do it. If they ask half of your salary, it won't be convenient for you. And that's why just give them a couple of bucks or any amount that you're willing to do.

And if you're about to give $10 to them as consolation and they laugh at you for doing that, that's their loss. You're about to help them for a couple of bucks and mocked you for doing that.

They've just lost your trust and then they can't even ask you anything anymore in the future even for a couple of pennies.

Thus, just say that you don't have anything to borrow and to give to them. Because if they are in need, they can't be picky.

[bounceback]

There’s a popular saying: “If you want to lose a friend, lend them money.” As harsh as it sounds, life has a funny way of proving this statement true especially when the amount involved is significant.

I've also heard the old saying, "Don't be afraid to lose a little money if you want to know a person's true character." It's true, when we lend money to friends, we begin to discover their true colors. Sometimes people will pretend to be kind or honest to gain our trust. Once we trust them, they will sometimes take advantage of us, for example, by borrowing money and promising to return it as soon as possible. However, what we regret is sometimes not that they don't return our money, but their lies that leave us disappointed and feel betrayed by our own friends with their lies.

[michellee]

Lending money to friends can reveal who they are. Sometimes friends come to us when they need help and will leave us when we need help. I have seen that many times with my friends especially when I am in school. Not just money, but they will be kind to us when they have a want but will forget us when they don't need us.

But true friends will not do that. They will stay beside us no matter the situation and conditions. We will carry our hands, help our friends without wanting the same. They are sincere and really want to be our friends so this is why true friends are difficult to find, but bad friends are easy to find

When friends borrow money, they will promise will give back as soon as possible. But then they forget it and pretend nothing happened between us. You can choose your friends and let's be wise and guarded as @OP says.

[Distinctin]

It's okay to lend some money to your friends, but do not lend them a significant amount. That's the rule, one should not lend his money to his friends if its a reserved money for emergency funds, bills payment, or even hard-earned savings because once you touch them, there are high chances that amount won't be return anymore. Friends are friends, but with limitations. You set limits for yourself, as well as you set limits for your friends. Now if you can't stand on it, problems will arise.

Do not resort into a decision where you will regret the outcome. Always weigh things first, particularly the consequences of the outcome.

[Razmirraz]

There’s a popular saying: “If you want to lose a friend, lend them money.” As harsh as it sounds, life has a funny way of proving this statement true especially when the amount involved is significant.

The saying is completely true, money can be a source of big problems in friendships and family relationships, I have also experienced the same thing, finally losing friends because it is very difficult when asked to pay debts. It is very important to manage finances wisely and as much as possible not to be too open about discussing financial matters with the people around us.
Even though the money is yours, as long as you don't hold it, it still belongs to someone else. It is very important to always remember the financial rules, especially when you want to lend to other people. It is better to always be careful if you are unable to bear the loss (if the money is not returned within the promised time), then it is not a wise loan.

[iamsange]

The saying is completely true, money can be a source of big problems in friendships and family relationships, I have also experienced the same thing, finally losing friends because it is very difficult when asked to pay debts. It is very important to manage finances wisely and as much as possible not to be too open about discussing financial matters with the people around us.
Even though the money is yours, as long as you don't hold it, it still belongs to someone else. It is very important to always remember the financial rules, especially when you want to lend to other people. It is better to always be careful if you are unable to bear the loss (if the money is not returned within the promised time), then it is not a wise loan.

Money matters will always be difficult as you mentioned earlier. Money can distance us from our families so transparency regarding money matters should be kept to a minimum even if we have more money than those in need. Once everyone knows requests for loans will begin to emerge over time ultimately leading to disappointment when the debtor begins to collect.

A person's success is reflected in sound financial management. This means that having income is something that no one should know about. However that doesn't mean it shouldn't be known as this income is a negative outcome. This is all we need to know to avoid being asked by many friends or family for loans. This is also a form of sound financial management so we won't suffer losses or risks unless we help them when the promised date is met without our immediate reminder. This is a form of borrowing that I can call extraordinary.

[lornadane]

tbh this is one of those lessons you only fully understand after it happens to you. I’ve lost a good friendship over a “small” loan that kept getting delayed. money changed the whole dynamic. after that, I decided if I help a friend financially, I treat it as a gift in my head. if it comes back, fine. if not, no stress.

[gibrab16]

this is one of those lessons people usually learn the hard way. lending to friends *feels* right in the moment, but without clear boundaries it can quietly poison the relationship. once money enters the mix, expectations change, even if nobody says it out loud.

the “only lend what you can afford to lose” rule is solid because it protects both your wallet and your peace. if repayment delays start affecting your mood or trust, the damage is already done. saying no upfront is often kinder than saying yes and carrying resentment later.

helping others is good, but not at the cost of your own stability. boundaries don’t mean lack of care — they mean you value both the friendship and your sanity.

[pawanjain]

Add relatives to your title and post as well because its the same with friends and relatives.
Once we give them a loan, there are some of them who don't even care to repay it back let alone on time.
I have made a strict rule for myself that never loan any money to anybody.
I have seen numerous cases where people loan their friends and relatives and end up getting their relationship spoiled because of that.

My problem is that I don't know how to request for my money. I expect these friends and relatives who take loan from me to return as at when due. I used to find it very difficult to request my money that they owe me. There have been occasions where these loans have caused serious disagreement and conflict. This is why I only lend what I can afford to forgo. I don't give them the exact amount they ask but the amount I can give them as a gift. Anyone who fails to return the loan I gave will not receive any loan in the future.

Lol, you are sounding exactly like one of my close friends. Even he hesitate a lot to ask for his money back from the people whom he lent to.
I scold him for not asking his money back. You should ask for your money back right after a few days from the due date.
How I do it is I just send them a reminder text and wait for their response. In many cases they send the money immediately.
In some cases they ask for more time which is fine to me and I repeat the process and eventually get the money back.
There are some arrogant people who do not give the money back even after multiple messages and calls and for that I never talk to them again.

[Zlantann]

tbh this is one of those lessons you only fully understand after it happens to you. I’ve lost a good friendship over a “small” loan that kept getting delayed. money changed the whole dynamic. after that, I decided if I help a friend financially, I treat it as a gift in my head. if it comes back, fine. if not, no stress.

My new strategy is to give loans to my relatives through a third party. When the come for loans and I know that they really need the money for something important. They might not pay me back if the money comes from me. So I just give the money to another person maybe my friend or colleague to lend to them. Since they assumed that they money was from an outsider they will do all they can to return the loan.

I have used this pattern severally and it worked perfectly. Relatives and friends sometimes think that you should not request for the money you borrowed them because of the closeness. They will try to get emotional and sometimes confrontational. I support the idea of lending relative and friends only amounts you can afford to spare.

[Felicity_Tide]

~snip

But money,unlike emotions,doesn’t run on good intentions.It runs on structure,timing,and accountability things that friendships rarely enforce.

As far as I'm concerned, you've just talked about the very raw truth that the society doesn't want to talk about all in the name of keeping friendship that might be of future benefits. Just because people are so expectant on what others might possibly do for them in the future, addressing current issues the way they ought to be addressed now becomes a problem. I was actually having a similar discussion with someone recently. The person believes it is best to keep friendship even the person you are offering a loan or agreement with ends up defaulting. But I made it clear that agreement must always be an agreement. Just because you're closely related to someone doesn't mean you should allow them exploit you when it comes to money. A lot of people can be very stupid by taking others for granted just because they know them in person.

Personal relationship with others isn't a life sentence. Nobody should allow others to exploit them just because of the personal relationship that they share. Enough of all this emotional blackmail that we have in our society today. People should better learn to work with structure or agreement, otherwise they should be made to face the consequences no matter how close they're.

[uche6215]

It's a known fact that anyone you can't arrest you should not lend money to. Whether the money is a small money or not it's advisable to always be careful with your money when it concerns family and friends.its better than you assist in any little way that you can than to lend money to people which are close to you so that you don't have problems with people around you which will affect the way they that you relates with. Money has spoiled the relationship of many people because in most cases the people who collected the money has failed to pay back on time and in extreme cases money that was lended out has not been paid back and it has caused quarrel among friends.

[aioc]

There’s a popular saying: “If you want to lose a friend, lend them money.” As harsh as it sounds, life has a funny way of proving this statement true especially when the amount involved is significant.

Not only is it popular, but it is also a fact that lending money to your friend is the easiest way to lose a friend, even if you are close and have been together for many years.
The debtor friend disregards you because he thinks that he will give you a favor by not asking for payment when the loan is due. He will think of your companionship, and this breaks the one who gave the loan because he also needs money, and he was disregarded for giving him a favor when he badly needed it, so we read reports of friends going to court battles because of the loans. So keep your friends, don't give him a loan, and provide only what you can afford to lose.

[Jody.Drummer]

When we have stable finances and can provide assistance to others, we should not be complacent, meaning we should not be exploited by others like our own friends because sometimes there are friends who deliberately take advantage of other people's kindness just for themselves. I once experienced where my kindness was exploited by my own friend, he borrowed money often and actually I didn't care if he paid it back, it was good that showed he had responsibility and even if he didn't I wouldn't try hard to collect it, but one time he borrowed a very large amount of money from there I told everyone the money I had lent and it turned out all the money was only to meet his lifestyle standards.

[9ja Amaka]

Dont stop helping a friend if you are capable of helping. But if you want to, render a help you dont wish him to return. Imagine he asked for a loan of $200, and you are capable of helping with $100 without asking back. It is better to give the $100 out of free will than to loan him the $200 that he will take a long time to return.

What I do notice is that friends take the loan less seriously. Because you cannot decide to hurt them for it. I would rather give a loan to a stranger than to a friend. This is how it is in life, I wish it wasn't so.

[el kaka22]

I agree with others, lending money to friends must be very bad, I never personally did it so I do not have a proof of it, but I am sure it must be bad. Plus, banks are much better than your friends, if banks are giving you loans, then get that instead of asking around.

Because, not only you will get a loan that you need, but they will not bother you and you have no relationship with them, it is just a business deal, so as long as you pay your monthly payments, they won't bother you and you can just have better ease of mind.

[Despairo]

I agree with others, lending money to friends must be very bad, I never personally did it so I do not have a proof of it, but I am sure it must be bad. Plus, banks are much better than your friends, if banks are giving you loans, then get that instead of asking around.

Because, not only you will get a loan that you need, but they will not bother you and you have no relationship with them, it is just a business deal, so as long as you pay your monthly payments, they won't bother you and you can just have better ease of mind.

Well, they avoid to get a loan from banks because they afraid they can't fulfill the monthly repayment. In banks they have to agree with the interest rate and monthly repayment, while lending through friends sometime only need to pay the principal amount and you can ask for extension without getting any punishment.

Whenever my friends ask a loan to me and I ask them to get a loan from banks, all of them never want to take a loan from banks, instead they will look for other friends.

[tabas]

If you can’t afford it, don’t loan it.

I won't take a loan if I cannot afford things, it's true about peace of mind is important and that's why if you don't have to take any pressure on purchasing a thing, you can have that. But if you're buying it and you're so much pressured because of trying to impress people, you're doing the wrong thing.

Whenever my friends ask a loan to me and I ask them to get a loan from banks, all of them never want to take a loan from banks, instead they will look for other friends.

That is a fine answer to be honest, they are not approved in the banks and that's why they're going with the friend. Because the banks are there always ready to loan money to anybody but, if you're not going to pass their standards, that's why they ask friends personally for loans.

[Vaculin]

You can lend a good amount to your trusted friend for long term, but you can never trust a person when it comes to money if your friendship is not that deep. The reality is, money can sometimes be a big revelation. And those who can't be trusted with money, whether its borrowed or not, do not deserve to be your friend for a life time.

However, just to have an assurance, if you don't want your friendship to be broken, do not resort into lending significant amount, but just give what you can afford to lose and expect nothing in return. That kind of idea is quite safer.

[letteredhub]

There’s a popular saying: “If you want to lose a friend, lend them money.” As harsh as it sounds, life has a funny way of proving this statement true especially when the amount involved is significant.

Whether small or significant, I've proven this to be true. When payment is due, they will stop communicating and avoid you. I have a friend whom I lend money to, and he happens to be my neighbour. To prevent unexpected meetups, he climbs up their back wall to get home.
One friend even blocked me on social media because the payment is already due, so whenever a friend asks for a loan, I just give them money that I can afford to lose, because lending them is like gambling; I don't expect payment.
Of course, not all of my friends are like this, but there will always be friends like this.

When a friend request to take a loan from you with all that pleading that he would pay back asap, you have to assess him very well because as your friend you would have good knowledge if he has the capacity to pay back the amount he's asking for or not. And if you think his capacity and means of livelihood can't provide enough for him to have to easily pay back that money, you just can subtly refuse giving the loan by giving an excuse. But if you really want to help you can just support with the small amount you can give as a gift. Friend borrowing money from friend has many times led to problems.