When Help Turns to Hurt;Avoid Lending Significant Money to Friends

[freedomgo]

Its okay to lend, as long as you are not offering an amount that you can't manage to lose.  Otherwise, prepare yourself that your money will no longer be back anymore, or it might be delayed when paid. And when that happens, once trust is broken due to money issues, trusting a friend for the sake of true friendship may be hard anymore.

This is one of the reasons why many good friends have turn into sudden strangers. The fact is, when money is at stake, everything that you've done both in the past will be easily forgotten. Money can attract friends, but it can also ruin even strong bonds.

[Sanitough]

This is the reality. If you want to help your friend, just help without offering him to lend. He's currently facing financial issues, so its hard for him to pay it back regardless if the due date is still far. Just give something that you think you won't be needing that amount, so that he can make use of it without thinking on how he will pay it back in time.

Lending is good, but its not applicable to everyone. So its better not to offer lending at all, but always chose to give.

[robelneo]

If you can’t afford it, don’t loan it.Your peace depends on it.Let's be wise and guarded!

Even if you can afford it, don't give a friend a loan if he badly needs help; then help with money you can afford to lose, and tell him to ask other friends to help him with his issue by sharing what they can. You can help him by asking your mutual friends to help him.
Friends should help one another in times of need, but never give them a loan that could ruin your friendship.

[Stepstowealth]

If you can’t afford it, don’t loan it.Your peace depends on it.Let's be wise and guarded!

Even if you can afford it, don't give a friend a loan if he badly needs help; then help with money you can afford to lose, and tell him to ask other friends to help him with his issue by sharing what they can. You can help him by asking your mutual friends to help him.

First it depends on the kind of friendship you have, if it is one based on trust where both of you have shown over time to be trustworthy in not just what you say, but your actions too, and also very reliable with money, you can lend them. But if it is friendship where you know you don't trust the person on a financial level, another thing you can do for them is to suggest loan apps as what you use when you need money. If you want to give money still, give an amount of money you do not expect to get back. Take it as an investment into your friendship.

[noorman0]

-snip-
another thing you can do for them is to suggest loan apps as what you use when you need money.

This is precisely what they're not looking for; rather, they're looking for loans with flexible repayment terms and often interest-free. That's why, lacking confidence in their repayment responsibilities, friends are the solution. lol

[jcojci]

We need to be selective in lending money to our friends. We can choose those who can repay the money so we will not have a problem. If they lend money due to an urgent situation, that is not a problem especially if we can help them. But if they borrow money repeatedly and don't repay the previous loan, we don't have to give them money. We need to protect our finances and not just give the money to them. We should be wise lending money to friends and not risks our financial because they are our friends. A good friend will not force others to do something they do not want.

[iamsange]

First it depends on the kind of friendship you have, if it is one based on trust where both of you have shown over time to be trustworthy in not just what you say, but your actions too, and also very reliable with money, you can lend them. But if it is friendship where you know you don't trust the person on a financial level, another thing you can do for them is to suggest loan apps as what you use when you need money. If you want to give money still, give an amount of money you do not expect to get back. Take it as an investment into your friendship.

We certainly can't talk to many friends about everything. Some friends are simply a place to share humorous words so sometimes the burden that's weighing on our heads can be relieved by a friend who might share a lot of humorous words with them.
And regarding friends who share with us when we're in financial trouble a friend who can help us with our financial problems won't leave us they'll also help us solve the problems we face related to the money we need with the goal of helping us overcome our borrowing problems. Therefore we all have to be really careful in choosing friends because many things happen when friends can also become enemies in terms of friendship, especially sometimes we are a little more than our friends so that friends become jealous of the advantages that we have so that this will trigger unhealthy thoughts and end up being very fatal.

[SquallLeonhart]

We certainly can't talk to many friends about everything. Some friends are simply a place to share humorous words so sometimes the burden that's weighing on our heads can be relieved by a friend who might share a lot of humorous words with them.
And regarding friends who share with us when we're in financial trouble a friend who can help us with our financial problems won't leave us they'll also help us solve the problems we face related to the money we need with the goal of helping us overcome our borrowing problems. Therefore we all have to be really careful in choosing friends because many things happen when friends can also become enemies in terms of friendship, especially sometimes we are a little more than our friends so that friends become jealous of the advantages that we have so that this will trigger unhealthy thoughts and end up being very fatal.

There are levels to friendship and that is important. There are things I do not share with even my wife, only I know my full thoughts and do not share it with everyone, whereas friends could be very good close friends and can share many things, still not everything but a lot, or they could be just distant friends you see once in a while and not share much. This is why the most important part is how close you are.

If it is someone you talk to two times a year, then why share everything, if it's someone you talk everyday, then yeah you can share most stuff. But I agree that nobody needs to know 100% of your thoughts, for two reasons, one reason is they are simply private and not needed to be shared, and second one is the fact that sometimes they are worthless to share, like I do not tell every joke I think, just the ones ı think that are funny, a simple example.

[Oluwa-btc]

There’s a popular saying: “If you want to lose a friend, lend them money.” As harsh as it sounds, life has a funny way of proving this statement true especially when the amount involved is significant.

Well I would say life keeps given us what we don't expect and so we encounter unforseen circumstances and involving lending money to friends could be very taunting sometimes because the receiver might take it in a bad way of finding it hard to paying back and make the lender look stupid for ever lending such helping hands. But you can't really judge everyone by one person's mistakes or defaultness.

[goro_chief]

I believe that, just like respect, if you want a loan, you have to earn it. That way, you encourage commitment to repaying it. The best alternative is the legal route. No matter how close a friend someone is, as long as there is fear of loss, they will take the situation much more seriously

[Cryptoprincess101]

When money is involved, no one is your friend because even in businesses that you run together with a friend you will find out some characters that will begin to irritate you as time goes on, and you will begin to imagine why someone you called your friend could betray you and do you harm in a business that you both are managing together.
      Lending money to anybody entirely is a big risk whether they are your friends, your relatives or your family members because it is one thing for someone to borrow money from you but repaying the debt is where the problem comes. Some people don't have the mind of repaying a loan. For instance, just look at the loan service that shasan is running in the forum, some people will build good reputation by borrowing and repaying but all of a sudden you will just hear one day that such person have defaulted a loan, and you will begin to wonder how someone who always borrow and repay could default a loan. The heart of humans is evil so there is a principle i always apply when borrowing someone money which is; i borrow an amount i can afford to lose so that if they are not able to repay, it won't cause me so much harm.

[Rockstarguy]

Firstly, people should know the kind of friends they need, a kind of friendship where both individuals are adding good value to each other. It must not be based on monetary benefits for both parties. If one person is in need of money, you can help if the money is available, and if the other person fails to pay it back, this shouldn't be a reason to end the friendship. You should also remember the other benefits and values you have gained from this person. People may have different ways in which they can repay you; it does not have to be in monetary form. Friendship should not be measured by money but by the value each person adds to the relationship.

[DrBeer]

There’s a popular saying: “If you want to lose a friend, lend them money.” As harsh as it sounds, life has a funny way of proving this statement true especially when the amount involved is significant.

Lending money to friends often starts from a good place of "help." Because you trust them and you believe things will work out.But money,unlike emotions,doesn’t run on good intentions.It runs on structure,timing,and accountability things that friendships rarely enforce.

When you lend what you cannot afford to lose, you don’t just risk your finances; you risk your peace of mind. Every missed call, every delayed promise, every “next week” begins to weigh on you. Suddenly, casual conversations turn awkward. You replay the decision in your head and ask yourself why you ignored that initial inner voice that said, “This might not end well.”

This is why a crucial financial rule exists: never loan what you can’t afford to lose. If giving the money back would disorganize you emotionally or financially, then it’s not a loan in the first place.

If you must help, be honest with yourself, Saying no doesn’t make you wicked;it makes you wise.Boundaries are not a lack of love they are a form of self-respect and discipline.

In a world where survival is already hard,protecting your financial stability is not selfish it’s fundamental.In other words,help where you can, but never at the expense of your finances.Because once money and friendship collide without limits, the cost is rarely just cash.
If you can’t afford it, don’t loan it.Your peace depends on it.Let's be wise and guarded!

A very old and relevant topic!
I have long since adopted and adhered to a simple rule: if you lend money, draw up a written confirmation. A minimal receipt, ideally notarized, and everyone can rest easy! I can't say that it happens often, but there have been cases like the one you mentioned. That's why I changed the rules, simply to avoid problems in the future. When my friends or acquaintances ask me to lend them money, I always say, “No problem, tomorrow we'll go to the notary and draw up a receipt.” The responses fall into three categories:
1. Yes, thank you!
2. Hmm... sorry, I'll borrow from someone else.
3. You don't trust me!?
Options 1 and 2 are perfectly normal, but to option 3, I always respond with, “And you don't trust me?” And then option 3 becomes option 1 or 2
Don't try to be kind or a savior to everyone. If a person is truly suffering or in great distress, just give them money and/or help them in some other way. Save and help them, and don't ask for anything in return! They will repay you when the situation is reversed.

[Rockson1]

Firstly, people should know the kind of friends they need, a kind of friendship where both individuals are adding good value to each other. It must not be based on monetary benefits for both parties. If one person is in need of money, you can help if the money is available, and if the other person fails to pay it back, this shouldn't be a reason to end the friendship. You should also remember the other benefits and values you have gained from this person. People may have different ways in which they can repay you; it does not have to be in monetary form. Friendship should not be measured by money but by the value each person adds to the relationship.

I understand what you are saying but am that type of person that thinks that we should not act trickily, there are friends that intentionally come to borrow from their friend knowing very well that they won't pay back but acted as if the friend that lend the money to them is a fool, i had some experience about things like this in the past, from that time till now I have learned to becareful about this kind of thing, from the day I understand what lending money to a friend or relative can cause, if a friend or relative come to borrow money from me, I rather give them what i have, when I hand over what I have to them, I won't be expecting anything in rerturn and I won't tell them, by doing this, if they don't pay me back I won't feel bad or quarel with them, because after all I was not expecting anything in return, I have been practicing this and it has been of help to me.

[Hanadawa]

Its okay to lend, as long as you are not offering an amount that you can't manage to lose.  Otherwise, prepare yourself that your money will no longer be back anymore, or it might be delayed when paid. And when that happens, once trust is broken due to money issues, trusting a friend for the sake of true friendship may be hard anymore.

And that's what I do now. If a friend asks me for a loan, I only give them an amount I can afford to lose. Some of my friends insisted on borrowing the stated amount, but I never gave it. Ultimately, this became like a filter. I lost some friends, but I didn't lose anything because I didn't give them the money. This way, I didn't really lose the amount I gave. Trust me, lending money to distant friends can stress you out from your work.

[KiaKia]

True, and it's not just lending money but everything valuable too, I remember that my friend and I failed to talk for months because of my car, he came to borrow my car for a while and this is against my way, still I decide to let him but something went wrong with the car and he didn't fixed it.

I got angry at first but I managed to keep my cool so that he won't know or blame me for reacting, yet he still ignore the complains and fail to fix the car, I had to call him and told him to never come asking for my car again, bro turned this into a war, we never talked for so many months.

Money creates problems easily, even in family your spouse can turn against you because they lend money from you, this have happened few times before, I would rather tell you that I don't have the money.

[GiftedMAN]

My problem is that I don't know how to request for my money. I expect these friends and relatives who take loan from me to return as at when due. I used to find it very difficult to request my money that they owe me. There have been occasions where these loans have caused serious disagreement and conflict. This is why I only lend what I can afford to forgo. I don't give them the exact amount they ask but the amount I can give them as a gift. Anyone who fails to return the loan I gave will not receive any loan in the future.

If you expect them to always return the loan by themselves without you asking them then it becomes their own advantages to not pay you back, if you can always draw the debt then they will start paying back but if you expect them to return it back without asking be ready to lose your relationship with them because it's difficult for you to see people paying back loans I think there is a spirit behind it. Don't borrow people money just give them what you can forgo that's the best thing if you don't want to lose your friends.

[libert19]

Just recently there was a situation where one of my childhood friend asked me a significant amount of money, but I decided to lend much small amount than what was initially asked, or as they say, 'amount I could afford to lose' and what can I say? This has kept my peace of mind.

I am done lending money from here on anyhow, it's just better for mental sanity, and I say, everybody should do the same, if somebody gets offended at your 'no' they weren't your well wishers to begin with.

[Leahized]

Even if you can afford it, don't give a friend a loan if he badly needs help; then help with money you can afford to lose, and tell him to ask other friends to help him with his issue by sharing what they can. You can help him by asking your mutual friends to help him.
Friends should help one another in times of need, but never give them a loan that could ruin your friendship.

Yes I agree with you, because helping friends is very necessary but you should never lend money. I have a true friend, I stand by him in all dangers. But a few days ago, it was seen that he was a victim of fraud. Then I help him with a lot of money. But I didn't know everything. Anyway he was ordering a product online but the price was quite high. Send the fraudster a video of the product and ask to pay for the product. Later my friend paid him through the bank. But the fraudster said that the bank account is locked. In this way a lot of money was taken from him. Although my friend did not reveal this to me then. Later on he says everything publicly, which makes me think that friendship should not be ruined for some money. Next I am saying that one should think before making any decision.

[pliego]

honestly i stopped lending to friends years ago after a childhood buddy ghosted me over a couple hundred bucks, it is sad how money can erase twenty years of history in just a few weeks