Parents need to bring back the belt!

[xxjs]

so, my son's uncle is 3.5 years old.
and every single time they play together, he hits my son on the head with a toy or something...
His parents give him time-outs or wtv. but it doesn't work, he literately will go hit my son again 1 min later
So he smacked my son today, and I smacked him.  
this caused a bit of a fuse.... ya sure its not my kid and i shouldn't be disciplining him.... wtv... i got mad he got smacked, big deal.
its been like a year we keep explaining to him that what he's doing is "not nice" I'm fed up.
if it was my kid always hitting a smaller kid, I'd smack him!

"Parents need to bring back the belt!"

your thoughts...  

Don't put them together in the room at all. Simply do not invite them at all.

Correct. The violence could easily be a kind of communication, with a lack of alternatives like a developed language. It probably takes another year or two for him to be able to develop social skills. That is a task for his parents of course, not yours.

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[myrkul]

so, my son's uncle is 3.5 years old.
and every single time they play together, he hits my son on the head with a toy or something...
His parents give him time-outs or wtv. but it doesn't work, he literately will go hit my son again 1 min later
So he smacked my son today, and I smacked him.

You don't mention your son's age, but have you considered teaching him that when someone hits you, it's OK to hit back?

Some of us like to call that "self defense."

hes 2, he doesn't hit, and we would like for it to stay that way.

Including in defense, huh? Well, If you raise a doormat, stop complaining when he gets stepped on.

oh yes, lets encourage the two kids fight!

Smart!

Ever wonder why the other kid hits?

Because he's never met any resistance. FWIW, I stand behind your decision to hit back in place of your kid, but I would wager that even your son standing up to the little bully in training would work a lot better, especially since you're not going to be there to stop him every time.

I guess this could work, if the other kid wasn't so much bigger...
But I feel it would just turn into a fight (one my son wouldn't win lol), and what you expect everyone to just watch a 2 and 4 year old fight it out?
not sure about this...

Well, I'd hardly suggest you should just "let them fight it out." But bullies are cowards, including 4 year old ones. I bet he backs down. If a fight starts, break it up, and make sure the aggressor (probably not going to be your son, but to be fair, I include the possibility.) suffers some sort of consequences.

[adamstgBit]

the kid has killed a lizard. beats on the dog. hits pretty much anyone that doesn't give him what he wants. throws tantrums constantly...
he's got / the parents have a problem, and its not my or my kid's problem....

[myrkul]

the kid has killed a lizard. beats on the dog. hits pretty much anyone that doesn't give him what he wants. throws tantrums constantly...
he's got / the parents have a problem, and its not my or my kid's problem....

Then I stand with the "banish him" crowd. Get that budding serial killer out of your life.

[Kluge]

Forget the belt and get a manly growl in your voice.

Get your manly ability to compartmentalize, and put it to use. The kid's wronged you. He's probably going to murder your son. You want to rip the boy's eyeballs out, make him eat them by telling him if he doesn't, you'll stomp on his little kiddie testicles - but you know you'll stomp apart his testicles and cut his throat open even after he eats his eyeballs. That's how much you have to hate this kid, and how much you need to want him to stop. You don't have to "really" want it, you just need to find a way to channel that boiling rage toward your father which you've never been able to express; the seething anger which you constantly feel cracking its containment vessel apart; the darkest part of your soul you so desperately want to unleash on him to, in one moment, make him experience what you felt throughout your childhood as a result of his existence. ... Pretty sure everyone has those feelings.

Anyway - using this sudden rage, bark out "NO!" You're trying to condense all those horrible feelings into one word. Crisp, menacing, loud. You should try perfecting it before testing it. If I'm remembering correctly, you should try it on your wife when she attempts to spend money. Don't ever let any "silly" feelings creep in when you're preparing to say it - and preparation should only take a split-second. Don't "think" about it, just get pissed off. I've never had it not bring the victim to tears, but if he doesn't look terrified, maybe you should keep going and threaten to stomp his testicles apart.

(TBH, I completely agree with gyverlb, and that's been my experience with 2-year-old daughter so far since I somewhat recently started trying this approach. Sharp, unmerciful "NO!" and she'll reel in shock, whimper a bit. While she's doing that, we tell her why I did that. If she throws a fit because of it, we ignore her, and she'll eventually come over and hug one of us. Usually, though, she stops immediately and starts to want positive attention from me, which is great. Your son probably doesn't need to be brawling to enforce his natural rights [if you're into that] with the other toddlers just yet, so I can't think of why your son has to be the one to instill the fear of God.)

[FreeMoney]

the kid has killed a lizard. beats on the dog. hits pretty much anyone that doesn't give him what he wants. throws tantrums constantly...
he's got / the parents have a problem, and its not my or my kid's problem....

It's gunna be your problem if you don't have the balls to decline play dates.

[furrycoat]

When i was a child I would be hit for mishbehaving. I dont think it ever helped me with anything, and hurt a lot. Im against child abuse.

[jasinlee]

"Spare the rod, spoil the child."

I think a rod would be a bit extreme, but in rare instances a kid needs to be spanked. You do not even need to spank a kid hard, the shock of the moment is enough to make them remember what they did was extremely bad. I do agree though that people that go nuts on their kids should not have had kids if they dont have the patience to talk to them and find other forms of punishment first.

[myrkul]

"Spare the rod, spoil the child."

I think a rod would be a bit extreme, but in rare instances a kid needs to be spanked. You do not even need to spank a kid hard, the shock of the moment is enough to make them remember what they did was extremely bad. I do agree though that people that go nuts on their kids should not have had kids if they dont have the patience to talk to them and find other forms of punishment first.

Worth a watch/listen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vehigjflGHA

[jasinlee]

Obviously the guy on the recording has some great stories as examples, if your biased in one direction. My daughters 9 and 10 yrs old have not been spanked in years. My son in months. When I say last resort, I am referencing when a child continues to go against explicit instructions for something big. Like when my son continually would attempt to play in the water of the pool, and would sneak out there repeatedly. He would constantly almost fall in so he got spanked. This only happens about 1 time 6 months and becoming less frequent as he gets older. Some kids just wont get the point until they understand that (perceived) physical harm can come to them for their actions. I say perceived because you dont have to spank them hard to get your point across.

[myrkul]

Obviously the guy on the recording has some great stories as examples, if your biased in one direction. My daughters 9 and 10 yrs old have not been spanked in years. My son in months. When I say last resort, I am referencing when a child continues to go against explicit instructions for something big. Like when my son continually would attempt to play in the water of the pool, and would sneak out there repeatedly. He would constantly almost fall in so he got spanked. This only happens about 1 time 6 months and becoming less frequent as he gets older. Some kids just wont get the point until they understand that (perceived) physical harm can come to them for their actions. I say perceived because you dont have to spank them hard to get your point across.

Spanking isn't, in my opinion, the best way to make that point. You're not conditioning them to fear the dangerous situation, you're conditioning them to fear you.

[jasinlee]

Obviously the guy on the recording has some great stories as examples, if your biased in one direction. My daughters 9 and 10 yrs old have not been spanked in years. My son in months. When I say last resort, I am referencing when a child continues to go against explicit instructions for something big. Like when my son continually would attempt to play in the water of the pool, and would sneak out there repeatedly. He would constantly almost fall in so he got spanked. This only happens about 1 time 6 months and becoming less frequent as he gets older. Some kids just wont get the point until they understand that (perceived) physical harm can come to them for their actions. I say perceived because you dont have to spank them hard to get your point across.

Spanking isn't, in my opinion, the best way to make that point. You're not conditioning them to fear the dangerous situation, you're conditioning them to fear you.

That is your opinion, and you are entitled to it. My kids love me and immediately after a spanking they always hug me and apologize. It just depends on whether or not you explain why they are being spanked first and explaining the gravity of the situation. I am not going to have my kids growing up to be mouthy disrespectful kids with neck tattoos telling me where I can stick it when they hit 18. And along the way if they get spanked once or twice, no biggie, what they got spanked for most likely potentially saved their life. If they fear me to some extent, good, they wont bring that crap into my house when they get older. But as an example of the results it brings, my 2 other kids already respect their parents and follow directions, are polite and know right from wrong and would never speak with the disrespect to anyone I usually see other kids doing now days.

[myrkul]

Obviously the guy on the recording has some great stories as examples, if your biased in one direction. My daughters 9 and 10 yrs old have not been spanked in years. My son in months. When I say last resort, I am referencing when a child continues to go against explicit instructions for something big. Like when my son continually would attempt to play in the water of the pool, and would sneak out there repeatedly. He would constantly almost fall in so he got spanked. This only happens about 1 time 6 months and becoming less frequent as he gets older. Some kids just wont get the point until they understand that (perceived) physical harm can come to them for their actions. I say perceived because you dont have to spank them hard to get your point across.

Spanking isn't, in my opinion, the best way to make that point. You're not conditioning them to fear the dangerous situation, you're conditioning them to fear you.

That is your opinion, and you are entitled to it. My kids love me and immediately after a spanking they always hug me and apologize.

That is, in my opinion, part of the problem. You're mixing the aggression of a spanking with the love of the hug, and it won't be difficult for the child, when he grows up, to transfer that mixture of love and fear onto a State as father figure (and if you don't think that happens, I can give you examples of statists comparing the State to a parent) Maybe you're OK with this, because you're OK with a State, but I'm not.

But as an example of the results it brings, my 2 other kids already respect their parents and follow directions, are polite and know right from wrong and would never speak with the disrespect to anyone I usually see other kids doing now days.

Yes, that sort of behavior is the result of parents confusing "permissive" for "respectful," and turning their kids into spoiled little assholes.

[jasinlee]

Lol, feel free to pontificate all you want as an internet authority. Your opinions of my parenting methods have yielded excellent results. As did my parents, who raised me the same way. My kids are generous and not spoiled, but you can believe what you want. You talk about statistics, I talk about actually having kids and experiencing life raising them. So what your stating is that by spanking my kids approximately 5-10 times in their lives it will have such a massive impact on their lives? Your so full of crap.

[myrkul]

Lol, feel free to pontificate all you want as an internet authority. Your opinions of my parenting methods have yielded excellent results. As did my parents, who raised me the same way. My kids are generous and not spoiled, but you can believe what you want. You talk about statistics, I talk about actually having kids and experiencing life raising them. So what your stating is that by spanking my kids approximately 5-10 times in their lives it will have such a massive impact on their lives? Your so full of crap.

Ahhh, I see what the problem is. You thought I was speaking about

my 2 other kids already respect their parents and follow directions, are polite and know right from wrong

when I was speaking about

speak with the disrespect to anyone I usually see other kids doing now days.

when I spoke about "spoiled little assholes." I don't know why you would make that mistake. It's clear you're not spoiling your kids. It's the other parents I was speaking about.

[Gabi]

Fail parenting detected.

[SgtSpike]

I was spanked sparingly when I was young, and I will say it truly did make me more aware of the wrongness of what I had done.  Sure, I feared my parents spanking me, but that lent to fear of the action I took that caused the spanking in the first place.  It kept me from repeating it for sure.  Timeouts were obnoxious, but even if I knew I'd get a timeout, I would sometimes do mischievous things.

I probably got spanked twice in a year, on average.

Like jasinlee has said, I believe it to be a good tool used sparingly depending on the situation (and obviously not in an abusive manner - if you can't control whatever anger/rage you have over what your child has done, then you needn't be touching them until you calm down).  To this date, I haven't spanked my children at all, but I am not discluding it from the realm of possibility down the road.

[furrycoat]

Some kids simply need to get slapped a few times, for example if a kid hits another kid they should be hit aswell.

[kneim]

Ask him and speak to him, perhaps he will tell you. Do not punish him.

The only thing I can say for sure is that such young kids have no responsibility for their doing, mostly the parents or their peripherals induce the problems.

The mysterious behavior of first playing and later smacking makes me advise you a professional for solving this.

[foggyb]

I am foggyb.  I approve of this thread.