Ever want to end it all?

[NumberFive]

And just end it all?

I feel like I am going to get all different kind of responses but I want to put this out there and see how many people have seriously considered it. Life isn't easy for the majority of people, always hiding problems or not confronting them and letting them just dig deeper until you don't/can't handle it anymore.

How to people have ambition to move through all the bullshit in this world anymore? You seem to fix one problem and before you're done you have 2 more and what you were working on just falls to shit anyways. Maybe that's why we have so many drug addicts, just trying to escape reality because they can't bring themselves to the end.

What happens with the people that are suicidal failures that know they have nothing to live for and have seriously tried to end it only to fail at that? Where in today's culture do you put them? Right along with the undesirables and mental cases. There is no hope anymore, no determination, no pleasure of being in existence, so why be here?

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

I don't know where I am getting with this, kinda like everything else in life. I need something constructive to put my energy towards and feel like I am apart of something. I need to wake up each morning and know I have a meaning and I am needed. Even if it's not something great or world changing, just something that is meaningful to me, something I have passion for.

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over. Maybe I'm crazy or something but if I don't get meaning in my life soon I will be 1 less undesirable around.

[1715432903]

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[JimCGSavings]

Yes. But resisted because I have no way of knowing if it's more of the same x10 on the other side. Besides, I'd miss BTC at 300k! (grin)

[Matthew N. Wright]

First thing that came to mind reading thread title:

"Delete wallet.dat"

[FiatKiller]

There are always ups and downs in life. Think of it this way... without bad days there would never be a reference for good days to be good. It also helps to realize that no matter how bad things may seem(and we do tend to put a negative twist on things)... that there is always someone else with a worse day and/or situation. I think this is why reality shows do well. You see how screwed-up other peoples lives are and it makes us feel good that we are not them! lol

There are only two routes to meaning, the more humanistic path of leaving your mark by some good (or even bad deeds/accomplishments) or religion.

[Scott J]

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.

Are you US based?

Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!

Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over.

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...

I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.

PM me if you want to chat.

[TheGovernedSelf]

And just end it all?  

Suicide recently became the #1 cause of unnatural death, so no, you are not alone.

This world is designed to pigeon-hole you into a life of meaningless repetition and debt-slavery. You're meant to be a cog in the machine and barely get by paying the mortgage/taxes. Art and pursuing your passion can't fulfill this requirement, and therefore such activities tend to be a pipe dream for almost everyone.


How I cope?

1. Live in the ghetto. It really isn't bad. Get over your preconceptions.
2. Make your home your own.
3. Learn skill sets, buy or share equipment.
4. Research fun DIY projects online.

[dwdoc]

Depression (if not situational- i.e. due to current circumstances) is due to a chemical balance in the brain. Medication combined with appropriate psychotherapy can be very helpful.  The list of side effects on medications is due to lawsuits and does not reflect the experience of most patients.

[NumberFive]

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.

Are you US based?

Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!

Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over.

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...

I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.

PM me if you want to chat.

I appreciate the words but its not just a bad day, I feel like its a bad life. I've struggled my whole life and I just don't know how much I can fight it anymore. It leaves me helpless in a way. I've had the suit and tie job and I wasn't happy. I've lived in Philadelphia on the streets just about and I wasn't happy. I feel like no matter what I will never be happy.

Obviously there are good moments but overall I don't see the point.

I don't know how to put it in words how exactly I feel and it's harder than just talking to someone that cares. I feel like I am putting more problems on them. It's never the are you okay talk, it always brings more to the table. The only person that I feel truly cares is my mother. My father was murdered when I was young and the rest of my family is nothing like me. So I don't go to her with majority of issues because she struggles to and doesn't need extra bullshit on her mind.

Sorry this is all over the place, my minds racing and I don't know where I'm going with it all.

[Kruniac]

And just end it all?

I feel like I am going to get all different kind of responses but I want to put this out there and see how many people have seriously considered it. Life isn't easy for the majority of people, always hiding problems or not confronting them and letting them just dig deeper until you don't/can't handle it anymore.

How to people have ambition to move through all the bullshit in this world anymore? You seem to fix one problem and before you're done you have 2 more and what you were working on just falls to shit anyways. Maybe that's why we have so many drug addicts, just trying to escape reality because they can't bring themselves to the end.

What happens with the people that are suicidal failures that know they have nothing to live for and have seriously tried to end it only to fail at that? Where in today's culture do you put them? Right along with the undesirables and mental cases. There is no hope anymore, no determination, no pleasure of being in existence, so why be here?

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

I don't know where I am getting with this, kinda like everything else in life. I need something constructive to put my energy towards and feel like I am apart of something. I need to wake up each morning and know I have a meaning and I am needed. Even if it's not something great or world changing, just something that is meaningful to me, something I have passion for.

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over. Maybe I'm crazy or something but if I don't get meaning in my life soon I will be 1 less undesirable around.

Time for Dr. Kruniac to give some assistance, in his own no-BS way.

Wanting to off yourself isn't something to be ashamed of. Suicide has been commonly accepted throughout history as a valid means of solving a problem, rather than as an escape mechanism.

That having been said, please think carefully before considering this type of permanent solution to temporary problems. In it's most basic form, suicide robs you of any of life's pleasures. There must be SOMETHING you take joy in. Maybe you get off watching baseball. Perhaps women are your thing. Maybe it's food, the outdoors, a sunrise, hurting people, reading - there is SOMETHING that makes you go "...Yay.".

Suicide deprives you of those things. You will never see a sunrise. You will never eat. You will never knock someone out again. All positive things earthly will be denied to you, as you will have gone inert. You might be depressed, you might feel worthless, you might have nothing going on - none of these things are permanent. I've seen (and met) truly worthless human beings who enjoy their lives fully. If they can do it, so can you.

I have personal experience with chemical imbalances. It's not fun. However, with proper discipline and education about your particular disorder, you can regain control of yourself and your destiny. I do NOT recommend medicating the problem, as that leads to more problems.

Paxil especially. I was on that shit for five months. Then Celexa (citalopram, if memory serves). All that happened was that I became an extremely drowsy zombie. I could barely function (I was learning ASP.net at the time, which made it even more difficult to take), I napped a lot, and I was generally miserable. When I stopped taking the meds, I went through withdrawal. I was extremely ansty and I did not sleep for 39 hours. I laid and shivered like a crackhead, sweating and wishing I could die.

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues

Why do you need someone to get involved? Reach out and take what you want from life. Force yourself upon the world, while it screams and begs. If you must suffer, make it suffer. ^__^

Maybe I'm crazy or something but if I don't get meaning in my life soon I will be 1 less undesirable around.

But you aren't undesirable. You're just another person. There's nothing horrible or off about you. Sure, you're pretty damn crazy. You're off your rocker. You're out of your gourd. And?

You could have a Borderline Personality Disorder. You could be Bi-Polar, and go into manic fits where you become violent and completely irrational. It could always be worse.


I'm going to leave you with something to think about. You aren't miserable. This world is. I know it sounds cliche, but you have it FINE and dandy.

I dated a girl who was raped repeatedly by her mother's boyfriend from the ages of 9-14. She had problems.

I dated another girl whose mother was a meth addict, and would hook her up with random guys as a way of being her "friend" instead of her mother. She had problems.

There are prisoners in third world shit holes who have maimed limbs, and are beaten to death if they fail to move to a certain area at a certain time.

There are children who are sold as sex slaves to be ravished again and again by random people.

Starvation. Genocide. Rap music.

The world is a terrible place. You're okay.


I hope you take control of your life. Best of luck.

[btceic]

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.

Are you US based?

Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!

Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over.

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...

I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.

PM me if you want to chat.

I appreciate the words but its not just a bad day, I feel like its a bad life. I've struggled my whole life and I just don't know how much I can fight it anymore. It leaves me helpless in a way. I've had the suit and tie job and I wasn't happy. I've lived in Philadelphia on the streets just about and I wasn't happy. I feel like no matter what I will never be happy.

Obviously there are good moments but overall I don't see the point.

I don't know how to put it in words how exactly I feel and it's harder than just talking to someone that cares. I feel like I am putting more problems on them. It's never the are you okay talk, it always brings more to the table. The only person that I feel truly cares is my mother. My father was murdered when I was young and the rest of my family is nothing like me. So I don't go to her with majority of issues because she struggles to and doesn't need extra bullshit on her mind.

Sorry this is all over the place, my minds racing and I don't know where I'm going with it all.

NumberFive,
I went through a similar situation as you a while ago, so I know how you feel, you may not believe it but I do.

What helped me? A therapist and some xanax/clamazapan, I have a null receptor on one of my genes that turns EVERY one of the depression drugs into worse depression drugs.

Here is what I learned:

It is ok to open up
It is ok to be sad
It is ok to be depressed

Learn to be truthful to yourself, really down deep truthful and really spot on honest with yourself.

Be truthful about your situation with somebody, anybody, if you don't things WILL get worse.

Really learn to open up about your situation, you would be surprised how many people are in the same or worse situations that you are in right now.

Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have made, Allow yourself to not feel guilty about your fathers murder, that was not your fault (if of course you didn't do it).

You cannot control anything or anybody else in this world other than yourself, your actions and your emotions.

Last but not least: give up on your conceptions of how you think life should be like and live in the now, right now, love and appreciate that you are alive, breathing, have food, shelter, clean drinking water.

The above may sound hokey or stupid, but you will not believe how helpful it really is to just let out what it is that is bothering you.

I am available via PM if you want, and if it is truly a desperate situation I will give you my cell # to call.

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

[Matthew N. Wright]

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.

Are you US based?

Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!

Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over.

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...

I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.

PM me if you want to chat.

I appreciate the words but its not just a bad day, I feel like its a bad life. I've struggled my whole life and I just don't know how much I can fight it anymore. It leaves me helpless in a way. I've had the suit and tie job and I wasn't happy. I've lived in Philadelphia on the streets just about and I wasn't happy. I feel like no matter what I will never be happy.

Obviously there are good moments but overall I don't see the point.

I don't know how to put it in words how exactly I feel and it's harder than just talking to someone that cares. I feel like I am putting more problems on them. It's never the are you okay talk, it always brings more to the table. The only person that I feel truly cares is my mother. My father was murdered when I was young and the rest of my family is nothing like me. So I don't go to her with majority of issues because she struggles to and doesn't need extra bullshit on her mind.

Sorry this is all over the place, my minds racing and I don't know where I'm going with it all.

NumberFive,
I went through a similar situation as you a while ago, so I know how you feel, you may not believe it but I do.

What helped me? A therapist and some xanax/clamazapan, I have a null receptor on one of my genes that turns EVERY one of the depression drugs into worse depression drugs.

Here is what I learned:

It is ok to open up
It is ok to be sad
It is ok to be depressed

Learn to be truthful to yourself, really down deep truthful and really spot on honest with yourself.

Be truthful about your situation with somebody, anybody, if you don't things WILL get worse.

Really learn to open up about your situation, you would be surprised how many people are in the same or worse situations that you are in right now.

Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have made, Allow yourself to not feel guilty about your fathers murder, that was not your fault (if of course you didn't do it).

You cannot control anything or anybody else in this world other than yourself, your actions and your emotions.

Last but not least: give up on your conceptions of how you think life should be like and live in the now, right now, love and appreciate that you are alive, breathing, have food, shelter, clean drinking water.

The above may sound hokey or stupid, but you will not believe how helpful it really is to just let out what it is that is bothering you.

I am available via PM if you want, and if it is truly a desperate situation I will give you my cell # to call.

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

Sex.

[btceic]

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

Sex.

Sex... forgot about that, I'm married with kids

[mprep]

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

Sex.

Sex... forgot about that, I'm married with kids

Yeah, that's probably the best of them all. 

[NumberFive]

Thanks for the offer but it won't help.

As I sit right now I live on the lake at a family cottage and have access to a boat, fishing gear, skies and tubes. Yet I lay in bed with my laptop. It's really not as easy as just be happy people have it worse than you.

It's sad the more I think about it. At this very second I am okay, but in the next weeks I will be homeless without any of this. My family rather rent it out than let a deadbeat rent it for less than what they get for a weekend.

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm not the energetic all around american that everyone expects. I just don't have the drive to be what I probably could be with very little effort. I just don't see the point anymore. Once a problem is out of the way another one is there to take its place.

 

[Matthew N. Wright]

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

Sex.

Sex... forgot about that, I'm married with kids

Living alone in California I wasn't so much depressed as scared, since my future was wide open and I was living paycheck to paycheck, but I would walk down the PCH for 4 hours or so down to San Clamente and back and that always helped me think about life. I did the same after moving to Korea, wandering the streets late at night. Eventually I was able to move that wandering depressed and lonely energy towards girls, which quickly taught me all about anger, disappointment and sexism. Now I wish I could be depressed again instead of angry all the time.

Edit: skateboarding, music, dancing, racing cars, hapkido, flying, these things all helped to distract me as well.

[FiatKiller]

Staying online all day can definitely cause depression. Perhaps start with changing that. But you do need someone to talk to so they can learn specifics. Your current situation is depressing you, so try changing things up. Activity level, food, social interaction, etc.

[JimCGSavings]

Call the Salvation Army. They can put you up, be a local mailing address for you, feed and clothe you, as long as you are actively looking for work. PM me your location and an email address and I'll see if I can get you a contact. It's been 20 years since I graduated the L.A. ARC, but once a Sally alumni, always a Sally alumni.

[NumberFive]

Call the Salvation Army. They can put you up, be a local mailing address for you, feed and clothe you, as long as you are actively looking for work. PM me your location and an email address and I'll see if I can get you a contact. It's been 20 years since I graduated the L.A. ARC, but once a Sally alumni, always a Sally alumni.

Sorry I will live on the streets first. I could collect welfare and foodstamps without a problem, I choose not to. Not because I am better or anything like that but because I feel I put myself in this situation a hand out isn't going to solve that. It will be a temporary fix. I need to find something that gives me purpose and meaning, not find a hand out. 

[Matthew N. Wright]

Call the Salvation Army. They can put you up, be a local mailing address for you, feed and clothe you, as long as you are actively looking for work. PM me your location and an email address and I'll see if I can get you a contact. It's been 20 years since I graduated the L.A. ARC, but once a Sally alumni, always a Sally alumni.

Sorry I will live on the streets first. I could collect welfare and foodstamps without a problem, I choose not to. Not because I am better or anything like that but because I feel I put myself in this situation a hand out isn't going to solve that. It will be a temporary fix. I need to find something that gives me purpose and meaning, not find a hand out. 

Boom! Despite any depression or downtime I've always felt this way too. Good man.

[JimCGSavings]

Fine. After you have experienced the joys of living on the streets, and figured out that NOT living on the streets is an excellent reason to live (grin), check out the Sally. BTW, they don't do handouts. How do you think they stock those Thrift stores? Can you say ARC? (grin)

[Ekaros]

Yeah, but no one has provided me a way to kill everyone

PM me if you have something around...

[NumberFive]

Fine. After you have experienced the joys of living on the streets, and figured out that NOT living on the streets is an excellent reason to live (grin), check out the Sally. BTW, they don't do handouts. How do you think they stock those Thrift stores? Can you say ARC? (grin)

Sorry if you think what you said doesn't matter, because it does. Just your response caring was enough to appreciate.

I have lived on the streets. Ever watch the rocky 5 I think when he fights billy gun? Well they don't put the garbage in Philadelphia for the moving trust me. Living on the street is rough, probably the whole reason I am down is because I don't want to go back and I'd rather end it before I do.

[Matthew N. Wright]

Fine. After you have experienced the joys of living on the streets, and figured out that NOT living on the streets is an excellent reason to live (grin), check out the Sally. BTW, they don't do handouts. How do you think they stock those Thrift stores? Can you say ARC? (grin)

Sorry if you think what you said doesn't matter, because it does. Just your response caring was enough to appreciate.

I have lived on the streets. Ever watch the rocky 5 I think when he fights billy gun? Well they don't put the garbage in Philadelphia for the moving trust me. Living on the street is rough, probably the whole reason I am down is because I don't want to go back and I'd rather end it before I do.

I agree. Kill yourself long before that happens, but give yourself and other opportunities a chance first. Basically, there are so many opportunities in the world, I want to kill myself because making the choice between them is so hard, not for a lack of them. 

[mprep]

What would killing yourself accomplish. If you believe in Christ than you're going to hell and there's probably more or at least the same amount of crap there. If you don't then after you die you're gonna swim in the black void forever. What will you do then? Probably nothing, for the whole eternity. If you believe in any other religion just look at the equivalents: Budhist? New life, same crap. Muslim? Pretty similiar to Christians, I think. Take any religion or take atheism - it doesn't work that way.

[mprep]

I'm not religious although I do think something is going on we don't know about.

I guess its me being selfish just wanting to end all my problems rather than suffer with them. Maybe I need a tattoo like my brother that says suffer, because even if you're religious it seems no matter here or on earth that's all we do is suffer.  

We all went through much and I don't blame you. Such thoughts always circle in everyone's head, some just ignore them. Try to think about something different such as this forum. As you see in the whole thread there's people who care about you, about your life, about your existence. We don't want to let another human lose his life to this routine. In my case, I try to look at the positives of life, be happy and enjoy everything I do. It doesn't go my way most of the time but I try not to mind it and keep going.

[JimCGSavings]

Fine. After you have experienced the joys of living on the streets, and figured out that NOT living on the streets is an excellent reason to live (grin), check out the Sally. BTW, they don't do handouts. How do you think they stock those Thrift stores? Can you say ARC? (grin)

Sorry if you think what you said doesn't matter, because it does. Just your response caring was enough to appreciate.

Then yer not remembering them very well. Get motivated. The position you are  in now is much better than having to work your way back up. You have resources. Use them. Call 211. Get counseling. Look for work, a place to stay, enough income to pay the basic necessities. If you are willing to kill yourself, then you don't care what happens to you. So why do it? That's freedom. If it doesn't matter if you live or die, then live. Do whatever you want. Why not? Still better than killing yourself. You can always die later. In fact, you most likely will at some point. (grin)

[RodeoX]

Yeah, but no one has provided me a way to kill everyone

PM me if you have something around...

hehe

But no. I am way to optimistic about the future. Even unrealistically so at times.And  as an atheist death is final. How is oblivion an answer to anything?

[NumberFive]

Yep there are some truly genuine people out there. I really didn't expect the words here and hru PMs that I received. I understand it's not the right way to go, I'm not incapable of finding the good and letting everything else ride. I've done that for years. I'm just tired of the daily struggle we all know as life. Especially when you have no meaning.

Really what's the point? How would it effected anyone's day besides a few family members of mine if I just ended it instead of posting this thread? Would any of you been effected, no. Same goes the other way, how does it effect anyone by me posting this thread? I just don't see the point anymore. Everything is pointless. I have no meaning, nothing to keep me here fighting through the rough times for a better tomorrow.

[mprep]

Yep there are some truly genuine people out there. I really didn't expect the words here and hru PMs that I received. I understand it's not the right way to go, I'm not incapable of finding the good and letting everything else ride. I've done that for years. I'm just tired of the daily struggle we all know as life. Especially when you have no meaning.

Really what's the point? How would it effected anyone's day besides a few family members of mine if I just ended it instead of posting this thread? Would any of you been effected, no. Same goes the other way, how does it effect anyone by me posting this thread? I just don't see the point anymore. Everything is pointless. I have no meaning, nothing to keep me here fighting through the rough times for a better tomorrow.

Life is for living, not taking it away. The point of life is, was and will be to live. We might be human beings but the instinct of life still remains. You just got to find it deep inside you, behind all that sorrow and sadness.

[Matthew N. Wright]

Yep there are some truly genuine people out there. I really didn't expect the words here and hru PMs that I received. I understand it's not the right way to go, I'm not incapable of finding the good and letting everything else ride. I've done that for years. I'm just tired of the daily struggle we all know as life. Especially when you have no meaning.

Really what's the point? How would it effected anyone's day besides a few family members of mine if I just ended it instead of posting this thread? Would any of you been effected, no. Same goes the other way, how does it effect anyone by me posting this thread? I just don't see the point anymore. Everything is pointless. I have no meaning, nothing to keep me here fighting through the rough times for a better tomorrow.

I agree. You have no meaning. So go take the risks and put in the work to achieve that meaning. Once you have it, you'll be looking at the clock anxiously, realizing time is against you anyway. Then you'll be looking at people talking about suicide like a guy who wants to throw a hamburger on the ground-- you'll instinctively grab for it. Mmm. Hamburger.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Consider life as a game like Scabble. Some days you lose. Some days you win. But you're always looking forward to the next challenge.

[Matthew N. Wright]

Scrabble, the Pandora's box of analogies:

Consider life as a game like Scabble. Some days you lose. Some days you win. But you're always looking forward to the next challenge.

..and always challenging other people when they use words you don't understand
..and always wondering why XXX is not acceptable at the table
..and always trying to sacrifice bits and pieces for a deeper meaning
..and always blaming everyone else when things get mixed up
..and always having trouble finding the words you're looking for
..and always trying to see everyone else's point of view
..and always having the right idea when there is no room for it at the table
..and always trying to spell things out for everyone else
..and always trying to put things together but finding yourself blocked at every angle

[NumberFive]

I've got a lot of insight from some good people on the forum and I thank everyone for that.

[NumberFive]

After talking to these people I have hope for the future. It's kind of strange and crazy how things happen but I won't question it.

Hopefully the next thread I make can be "How bitcoin saved my life". Would be a great turn of events. If anyone else is feeling what I am please don't hesitate to talk to someone no matter if its a friend family member or a random guy online. It really does help.

[sockopen]

Go outside and get some fresh air. It's crazy what some sunlight will do to you if you've been hiding in your house for too long, I know all about that.

If you do decide to end it all, do the right thing and send me all your Bitcoins first.

Thanks!

[stochastic]

And just end it all?

I feel like I am going to get all different kind of responses but I want to put this out there and see how many people have seriously considered it. Life isn't easy for the majority of people, always hiding problems or not confronting them and letting them just dig deeper until you don't/can't handle it anymore.

How to people have ambition to move through all the bullshit in this world anymore? You seem to fix one problem and before you're done you have 2 more and what you were working on just falls to shit anyways. Maybe that's why we have so many drug addicts, just trying to escape reality because they can't bring themselves to the end.

What happens with the people that are suicidal failures that know they have nothing to live for and have seriously tried to end it only to fail at that? Where in today's culture do you put them? Right along with the undesirables and mental cases. There is no hope anymore, no determination, no pleasure of being in existence, so why be here?

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

I don't know where I am getting with this, kinda like everything else in life. I need something constructive to put my energy towards and feel like I am apart of something. I need to wake up each morning and know I have a meaning and I am needed. Even if it's not something great or world changing, just something that is meaningful to me, something I have passion for.

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over. Maybe I'm crazy or something but if I don't get meaning in my life soon I will be 1 less undesirable around.

Don't worry, it will all end eventually.  You don't need to hurry it all.  Time is relative.

[BitPirate]

Really what's the point? How would it effected anyone's day besides a few family members of mine if I just ended it instead of posting this thread? Would any of you been effected, no. Same goes the other way, how does it effect anyone by me posting this thread? I just don't see the point anymore. Everything is pointless. I have no meaning, nothing to keep me here fighting through the rough times for a better tomorrow.

Ending your life is the easy option, and will surely hurt your family members too.

Think about it. The only meaning your life would then have is that, as you ended it, it made more people even more miserable.

Don't do it.

Don't think so? Have you discussed this with them? How about listing here some positive family memories?

[Wardrick]

I would never be able to bring myself to actually do it. Even though my life is pretty messed up atm. Imagine not even being able to carry a backpack full of books 100 yards without your foot being in 8/10 pain , and you have like no control over it, and you're in pain 24/7 even when you're not walking. I might as well be in a wheelchair I can't do fucking anything 

[FiatKiller]

I would never be able to bring myself to actually do it. Even though my life is pretty messed up atm. Imagine not even being able to carry a backpack full of books 100 yards without your foot being in 8/10 pain , and you have like no control over it, and you're in pain 24/7 even when you're not walking. I might as well be in a wheelchair I can't do fucking anything 

Wrong, you can MINE!!  :-D

[mprep]

I would never be able to bring myself to actually do it. Even though my life is pretty messed up atm. Imagine not even being able to carry a backpack full of books 100 yards without your foot being in 8/10 pain , and you have like no control over it, and you're in pain 24/7 even when you're not walking. I might as well be in a wheelchair I can't do fucking anything 

I wouldn't either. It's just an instinct I can't deny.

[Matthew N. Wright]

I have spent many days of this week chatting with our friend here until wee hours of the morning and decided to be a good samaritan to him since he genuinely seemed to be in a place I was when I was younger.

• I offered him some advice on how to get back on track with life, including a stellar job offer (since I need to hire quite a lot of recruiters for a job I'm working now anyway and he seems stuck in a rut). He agreed to entertain the offer and thanked me for my motivation, that's good.
• I offered to help find him a place to live, I involved some friends who live near him, and before they could find a place he found one, so that was good.
• I offered him some food but he said he was good for now, so that's good.
• While discussing getting his GED, I pushed him to find prices and offered to pay the fees for him, he is still trying to set that up. That's good.
• While discussing how to get him to come overseas for a job offer, I instructed him on how to get his passport, and he said he could apply as early as tomorrow, that's good.
• I asked him where I could send him funds to help pay for his costs of making the passport and applying for GED (he can pay me later when he gets his job), and he gave me the Paypal address supposedly of his girlfriend's dad. A cursory internet search showed it belonged to what seems like a 12 year old scammer and emails associated with that only corroborated this.
• He instantly goes on the defensive and suddenly *I'm* the one who can't be trusted, that my "untrustworthy" tag from Theymos regarding a bad bet that I'm paying everyone for suddenly means he can't trust my sincere help (and refuses to speak logically and admit that I know absolutely nothing about him).

I hope he's just emotional and confused right now, because if it's not that, then he's a scammer. Keep this in mind before helping him anyone. I'm not saying *don't* help him, I'm just saying that you should most definitely get some kind of proof of who he actually is first. I hope I'm wrong (prove me wrong mate), but when you are a random name, no address, no face, etc, (doesn't matter if you can supply an ID, I've been scammed by many before with IDs up the ass) on the internet, the burden of proof is on *you*, not me, and you need to be logical if you want to continue moving forward, not emotional.

Good luck in the future, I hope you get out of your rut (unless you're a scammer in which I wish you a continued stay in your rut).

[FiatKiller]

Good job trying at least!

[BitChick]

After talking to these people I have hope for the future. It's kind of strange and crazy how things happen but I won't question it.

Hopefully the next thread I make can be "How bitcoin saved my life". Would be a great turn of events. If anyone else is feeling what I am please don't hesitate to talk to someone no matter if its a friend family member or a random guy online. It really does help.

Just saw this thread.  So glad you are feeling more positive about things.

I certainly can understand what you are going through as I have been there too.  I do consider myself "religious" although I think that word can bring connotations of a stoic/righteous person, which I do not consider myself at all.  What I have found is that God really does understand me even when I feel like ending it all.  There have been times in my life where I feel like he miraculously met me where I was at and I was able to get through the dark days that I went through.  He used people around me.  He comforted me when I called out to Him and basically let Him know exactly what was going on.  No need to sugar coat it.  I think sometimes as a "deep thinker" it is harder.  We are not as shallow as some around us and it makes it harder in that way. 

Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote several years ago about my struggle with this called "If you only knew":

Have you ever felt like you were all alone?
The deepest feelings in your heart so unknown?
I am here to say that I've been there too
Oh, if you only knew

Have you ever felt like life was hard to live?
Feeling there was nothing left for you to give?
I am here to say that I've felt that too.
Oh, if you only knew

I know what it's like to give up on everything
I know what it's like to feel like life is not worth living
I know what it's like to feel like God doesn't care
But He always was and He always is and He always will be
There

Are you afraid of letting Jesus in
Thinking He would frown upon your hidden sins
I am am here to say that He loves you
Oh if you only knew

I know what it's like to give up on everything
I know what it's like to feel like life is not worth living
I know what it's like to feel like God doesn't care
But He always was and He always is and He always will be
There

Through the storms of life
He has been the guiding light
In my deep despair
He's been there, Oh he's been there
It doesn't matter what I've done
His love goes on and on and on and on

[jdbtracker]

only when surrounded by shitty people and have to deal with their BS till I get a chance to get away... They are plotting! I know it! just want to act oppressive and inconsiderate to make me want to off myself! but haha! they don't know i don't give a fuck! Gotta get away, gotta get away from this place.

[AliceWonder]

I've considered it before.
What kept me from doing it is I knew what it would do to my mother, and I couldn't do that to her.

[d3m0n1q_733rz]

And just end it all?

I feel like I am going to get all different kind of responses but I want to put this out there and see how many people have seriously considered it. Life isn't easy for the majority of people, always hiding problems or not confronting them and letting them just dig deeper until you don't/can't handle it anymore.

How to people have ambition to move through all the bullshit in this world anymore? You seem to fix one problem and before you're done you have 2 more and what you were working on just falls to shit anyways. Maybe that's why we have so many drug addicts, just trying to escape reality because they can't bring themselves to the end.

What happens with the people that are suicidal failures that know they have nothing to live for and have seriously tried to end it only to fail at that? Where in today's culture do you put them? Right along with the undesirables and mental cases. There is no hope anymore, no determination, no pleasure of being in existence, so why be here?

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

I don't know where I am getting with this, kinda like everything else in life. I need something constructive to put my energy towards and feel like I am apart of something. I need to wake up each morning and know I have a meaning and I am needed. Even if it's not something great or world changing, just something that is meaningful to me, something I have passion for.

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over. Maybe I'm crazy or something but if I don't get meaning in my life soon I will be 1 less undesirable around.

Actually, yes.  Yes I have.  I still do.  I realize that humanity only pretends to care about others but usually only when it gets them what they want.  I don't belong with these people who's agendas are self-serving, but I don't have anywhere else I can be.  I often desire to poof out of existence but fear the unknown consequences of doing so.  I fear the idea that some part of me or my consciousness may be eternal.  And, if I think this place is bad, just imagine being stuck here for the rest of eternity...which could very well happen eventually anyway.
I lost the only person who I ever absolutely truly loved and have been having to learn to forget about her and find reasons to be angry at her about the way things ended.
If I could end my existence, I would.  But I would much more desire to end the existence of the entire world with me.  Think about it.  We're put on this planet and expected to survive by destroying other living creatures which we must eat.  We evolve based on these creatures DNA structures which our bodies adapt to our own, but we've decided to destroy those DNA structures first which causes several problems.  We decide that it's bad  to get sick, but our bodies must get sick if they are to adapt to the ever changing environments.  Humanity thinks that they're intelligent, but they're killing themselves with every poorly thought-out move.
Science has become a religion in which anyone claiming to be a scientist will tell the world something and nobody considers verifying it to ensure it's accuracy.  Pills have become so mainstream that people believe they can't live without them.  So yeah, it's no wonder I want to remove humanity as a whole.

As it is, you're going to have to reach the core of whatever is bothering you.  Pills only mask the problem so that you can't see the world around you.  The disorder is being aware of it.  You're not happy, start with that.  But why aren't you happy?  What will make you happy?  And why have you posted everything I've been saying and feeling for about 2 years now?
Anytime I try to do something worthwhile, some human gets in my way.  They either tell me I can't achieve it or tell everybody else that they're stupid for trying to help me to achieve it.
Take this for example:  https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=235478.0
The first post other than myself that was made was to ensure my failure for no reason what-so-ever.  They had no proof, no basis, nothing.  I was honest, I was sincere, and mostly courteous.  But nobody cares about who I am as a person.  They see money and what I can do for THEM.
On top of that, I got a phone call today about an interview with Time Warner Cable.  I need a job.  But because I don't presently have a job, they refused to give me an interview.  Humanity is full of idiots and I refuse to be one.  I just can't find the exit door.
If there was some nice island somewhere that wasn't owned by some nation already, I would ask all the NEETs of the world if they want to setup shop there and make a truly free country which doesn't depend on currency where everybody is free to follow their dreams.  College would be free, you would work for the sake of making the world a better place, your creative freedom wouldn't be stifled by the size of your wallet, and the limitations set on items for the sake of making the most profit wouldn't exist!  Copy things all you want!  Make them better, make them your own!  Just become someone you're happy with...

But this is Earth, humanity and reality.  Those things don't exist here.  -_-

[Scott J]

I have spent many days of this week chatting with our friend here until wee hours of the morning and decided to be a good samaritan to him since he genuinely seemed to be in a place I was when I was younger.

• I offered him some advice on how to get back on track with life, including a stellar job offer (since I need to hire quite a lot of recruiters for a job I'm working now anyway and he seems stuck in a rut). He agreed to entertain the offer and thanked me for my motivation, that's good.
• I offered to help find him a place to live, I involved some friends who live near him, and before they could find a place he found one, so that was good.
• I offered him some food but he said he was good for now, so that's good.
• While discussing getting his GED, I pushed him to find prices and offered to pay the fees for him, he is still trying to set that up. That's good.
• While discussing how to get him to come overseas for a job offer, I instructed him on how to get his passport, and he said he could apply as early as tomorrow, that's good.
• I asked him where I could send him funds to help pay for his costs of making the passport and applying for GED (he can pay me later when he gets his job), and he gave me the Paypal address supposedly of his girlfriend's dad. A cursory internet search showed it belonged to what seems like a 12 year old scammer and emails associated with that only corroborated this.
• He instantly goes on the defensive and suddenly *I'm* the one who can't be trusted, that my "untrustworthy" tag from Theymos regarding a bad bet that I'm paying everyone for suddenly means he can't trust my sincere help (and refuses to speak logically and admit that I know absolutely nothing about him).

I hope he's just emotional and confused right now, because if it's not that, then he's a scammer. Keep this in mind before helping him anyone. I'm not saying *don't* help him, I'm just saying that you should most definitely get some kind of proof of who he actually is first. I hope I'm wrong (prove me wrong mate), but when you are a random name, no address, no face, etc, (doesn't matter if you can supply an ID, I've been scammed by many before with IDs up the ass) on the internet, the burden of proof is on *you*, not me, and you need to be logical if you want to continue moving forward, not emotional.

Good luck in the future, I hope you get out of your rut.

Over a couple of PMs I sensed that he was looking for money rather than anything else.

He may well be in a bad way, in which case best of luck to him.

[dank]

You can't escape existance, you can seclude yourself into isolated darkness, but you'll always exist.

Flip negative thoughts around.  Daydream, all your dreams may come true one day.

[QuestionAuthority]

You can't escape existance, you can seclude yourself into isolated darkness, but you'll always exist.

Flip negative thoughts around.  Daydream, all your dreams may come true one day.

There always has to be one of you on every forum. I wonder why that is?

[NumberFive]

I have spent many days of this week chatting with our friend here until wee hours of the morning and decided to be a good samaritan to him since he genuinely seemed to be in a place I was when I was younger.

• I offered him some advice on how to get back on track with life, including a stellar job offer (since I need to hire quite a lot of recruiters for a job I'm working now anyway and he seems stuck in a rut). He agreed to entertain the offer and thanked me for my motivation, that's good.
• I offered to help find him a place to live, I involved some friends who live near him, and before they could find a place he found one, so that was good.
• I offered him some food but he said he was good for now, so that's good.
• While discussing getting his GED, I pushed him to find prices and offered to pay the fees for him, he is still trying to set that up. That's good.
• While discussing how to get him to come overseas for a job offer, I instructed him on how to get his passport, and he said he could apply as early as tomorrow, that's good.
• I asked him where I could send him funds to help pay for his costs of making the passport and applying for GED (he can pay me later when he gets his job), and he gave me the Paypal address supposedly of his girlfriend's dad. A cursory internet search showed it belonged to what seems like a 12 year old scammer and emails associated with that only corroborated this.
• He instantly goes on the defensive and suddenly *I'm* the one who can't be trusted, that my "untrustworthy" tag from Theymos regarding a bad bet that I'm paying everyone for suddenly means he can't trust my sincere help (and refuses to speak logically and admit that I know absolutely nothing about him).

I hope he's just emotional and confused right now, because if it's not that, then he's a scammer. Keep this in mind before helping him anyone. I'm not saying *don't* help him, I'm just saying that you should most definitely get some kind of proof of who he actually is first. I hope I'm wrong (prove me wrong mate), but when you are a random name, no address, no face, etc, (doesn't matter if you can supply an ID, I've been scammed by many before with IDs up the ass) on the internet, the burden of proof is on *you*, not me, and you need to be logical if you want to continue moving forward, not emotional.

Good luck in the future, I hope you get out of your rut.

Over a couple of PMs I sensed that he was looking for money rather than anything else.

He may well be in a bad way, in which case best of luck to him.

I am not looking for money from forum members. Why you sensed I need money if because society has evolved to this money hungry machine that without it you are dead. You can't drink water without money, you can't go hunt your own food to eat. You have to go to the store and buy over priced, steroid infested meat to simply LIVE.

The PMs I got are simply good will words in a way. No one truly cares about the issues at hand. I would bet half the people who PM me forgot they did so the next day.

Like damon said, I rather take the human race with me if I go. Humans only destroy shit. There is no purpose for us besides to play god with other species. To pollute and kill. Simple.

In all honesty, if there was a red button in front of me to take out the human species I would hit it without needing a second to think about it. Take every last person on this earth to meet their "god", myself mother brother everyone included.

[Damnsammit]

I think almost everybody at one point has asked themselves about the purpose that they serve on this Earth.  Then the individual has to take a look at their life and figure out a meaning.  My brother apparently could never find that meaning as he killed himself when I was a teenager. 

It's really a sad world we live in when they people that we pay to "help" are really just there to take our money.  The same thing happened to me with a doctor.  They either want to talk about God and how awesome he is (I'm an atheist) or they want to hand out pills.  You gotta carve your own path into the woods, sometimes.  Find out what makes you happy, and if you can't find that then find something that makes you less miserable than you are.  Talk to your friends and family and let them know that something is wrong even if you don't know what it is yet. 

But if you can't find that then I guess the option of ending it all doesn't seem as selfish anymore since no one else decided to notice enough to keep you here.

If you can't find a reason to live, then I don't know what to tell you.  Ten years ago, I might have felt more inclined to understand it, but I got a wife and a kiddo now and it's very simple to find many reasons to live even on the worst days.

Good luck to ya!  Have a drink and get laid.  That usually cheers me up!

[NumberFive]

I think almost everybody at one point has asked themselves about the purpose that they serve on this Earth.  Then the individual has to take a look at their life and figure out a meaning.  My brother apparently could never find that meaning as he killed himself when I was a teenager. 

It's really a sad world we live in when they people that we pay to "help" are really just there to take our money.  The same thing happened to me with a doctor.  They either want to talk about God and how awesome he is (I'm an atheist) or they want to hand out pills.  You gotta carve your own path into the woods, sometimes.  Find out what makes you happy, and if you can't find that then find something that makes you less miserable than you are.  Talk to your friends and family and let them know that something is wrong even if you don't know what it is yet. 

But if you can't find that then I guess the option of ending it all doesn't seem as selfish anymore since no one else decided to notice enough to keep you here.

If you can't find a reason to live, then I don't know what to tell you.  Ten years ago, I might have felt more inclined to understand it, but I got a wife and a kiddo now and it's very simple to find many reasons to live even on the worst days.

Good luck to ya!  Have a drink and get laid.  That usually cheers me up!

I get laid. I live with a gf of 4 years. Getting laid doesn't help real problems. Other than that I agree with most of what you posted.

My issue is no one cares for another anymore. Everyone has their own MO. If it won't benefit them there is no need to help. Case in point Matthew. He promised everything and delivered nothing. Maybe he thought I wouldn't see through his meanings and would blindly follow him to benefit him from my misfortunes.

[Damnsammit]

Well... maybe you need to hang around a different crowd?

If you are seeking compassion then the internet is surely the wrong place.

[NumberFive]

Well... maybe you need to hang around a different crowd?

If you are seeking compassion then the internet is surely the wrong place.

Nope not compassion. I was twisted when I wrote this thinking someone would actually care. I have accepted my situation and if I need to leave this world I will.

[Damnsammit]

Good luck to ya! 

You should try sensory deprivation and/or Psilocybin mushrooms before you kill yourself though. 

Those both can cause profound moments of clarity.

If you can get your hands on it some DMT is fantastic for realigning to a path that makes sense internally.

[JimCGSavings]

Nope not compassion. I was twisted when I wrote this thinking someone would actually care. I have accepted my situation and if I need to leave this world I will.

The problem with that is that even when other people care, they stop after awhile. If you don't find enough reasons to care for yourself, you probably will end up in a place where you think you need to end it. I get there all the time these days. I just came home from Integris ICU and am washing some clothes and grabbing something to eat before I head back. My wife has pneumonia again for the second time this year. Dementia is a bitch. It robs you of your mind and then starts in on your body. Sometimes I fantasize about when she dies and I can just swallow all her narcotics with a nice bottle of single malt and end this nightmare. I don't think I will. I want to see my grandchild finish growing up. She's turning into a remarkable young lady and I can't wait to see her take on the world after college. The girl is fierce! (grin)

Life is subjective. Even rich people kill themselves. Find your own reasons to stay alive. A few BTC from strangers isn't gonna be enough of a reason.

[FiatKiller]

Why don't you join the military where you can kill your fellow humans legally? It also helps to get your frustrations out by doing it in games.

[webcoinx]

when you're facing lots of problem...

it makes sense...

but hey... it cannot be that worst... just try to think of people who got nothing to eat..

and sing the song...

HAKUNA MATATA

[NumberFive]

Most are missing the point. I don't want to kill people for fun. I want people overall to change. This world has become something twisted with politics, corporations, drugs etc. The average person is blind to most issues unless it effects their life of main objective.

Its all what benefits yourself. Just like this forum, we are all here to discuss our wealth and look for more ways to earn more money. Think to yourself how many people when in obvious need have you helped?

I read this "super-node" say I have never helped out a beggar. He doesn't even realize maybe they are not a beggar but a person that is down right now and just needs a little boost or helping hand. Obviously not by government law does he need to help out, but by human law he should think about it instead of ignoring whats been presented.

[d3m0n1q_733rz]

Most are missing the point. I don't want to kill people for fun. I want people overall to change. This world has become something twisted with politics, corporations, drugs etc. The average person is blind to most issues unless it effects their life of main objective.

Its all what benefits yourself. Just like this forum, we are all here to discuss our wealth and look for more ways to earn more money. Think to yourself how many people when in obvious need have you helped?

I read this "super-node" say I have never helped out a beggar. He doesn't even realize maybe they are not a beggar but a person that is down right now and just needs a little boost or helping hand. Obviously not by government law does he need to help out, but by human law he should think about it instead of ignoring whats been presented.

Actually, I'm inclined to agree as I've been thinking much the same thing myself.  Anytime that it doesn't benefit the person who you're trying to get to pay attention to a problem, they don't care.  It's only when it becomes a problem for them that they get fired-up about it.  They claim priorities.

[NumberFive]

Also everyone is assuming I am asking for money but where have I posted an address? Not sure if many people can see that, but a beggar begs with his hand out to place money.

[mprep]

Also everyone is assuming I am asking for money but where have I posted an address? Not sure if many people can see that, but a beggar begs with his hand out to place money.

Well you do have a paid raffle signature so some people (not me) might assume the thing you mentioned.

[Gleb Gamow]

Nope not compassion. I was twisted when I wrote this thinking someone would actually care. I have accepted my situation and if I need to leave this world I will.

The problem with that is that even when other people care, they stop after awhile. If you don't find enough reasons to care for yourself, you probably will end up in a place where you think you need to end it. I get there all the time these days. I just came home from Integris ICU and am washing some clothes and grabbing something to eat before I head back. My wife has pneumonia again for the second time this year. Dementia is a bitch. It robs you of your mind and then starts in on your body. Sometimes I fantasize about when she dies and I can just swallow all her narcotics with a nice bottle of single malt and end this nightmare. I don't think I will. I want to see my grandchild finish growing up. She's turning into a remarkable young lady and I can't wait to see her take on the world after college. The girl is fierce! (grin)

Life is subjective. Even rich people kill themselves. Find your own reasons to stay alive. A few BTC from strangers isn't gonna be enough of a reason.

Dudes last post. Odd!