Ever want to end it all?

[NumberFive]

And just end it all?

I feel like I am going to get all different kind of responses but I want to put this out there and see how many people have seriously considered it. Life isn't easy for the majority of people, always hiding problems or not confronting them and letting them just dig deeper until you don't/can't handle it anymore.

How to people have ambition to move through all the bullshit in this world anymore? You seem to fix one problem and before you're done you have 2 more and what you were working on just falls to shit anyways. Maybe that's why we have so many drug addicts, just trying to escape reality because they can't bring themselves to the end.

What happens with the people that are suicidal failures that know they have nothing to live for and have seriously tried to end it only to fail at that? Where in today's culture do you put them? Right along with the undesirables and mental cases. There is no hope anymore, no determination, no pleasure of being in existence, so why be here?

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

I don't know where I am getting with this, kinda like everything else in life. I need something constructive to put my energy towards and feel like I am apart of something. I need to wake up each morning and know I have a meaning and I am needed. Even if it's not something great or world changing, just something that is meaningful to me, something I have passion for.

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over. Maybe I'm crazy or something but if I don't get meaning in my life soon I will be 1 less undesirable around.

[JimCGSavings]

Yes. But resisted because I have no way of knowing if it's more of the same x10 on the other side. Besides, I'd miss BTC at 300k! (grin)

[Matthew N. Wright]

First thing that came to mind reading thread title:

"Delete wallet.dat"

[FiatKiller]

There are always ups and downs in life. Think of it this way... without bad days there would never be a reference for good days to be good. It also helps to realize that no matter how bad things may seem(and we do tend to put a negative twist on things)... that there is always someone else with a worse day and/or situation. I think this is why reality shows do well. You see how screwed-up other peoples lives are and it makes us feel good that we are not them! lol

There are only two routes to meaning, the more humanistic path of leaving your mark by some good (or even bad deeds/accomplishments) or religion.

[Scott J]

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.

Are you US based?

Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!

Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over.

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...

I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.

PM me if you want to chat.

[TheGovernedSelf]

And just end it all?  

Suicide recently became the #1 cause of unnatural death, so no, you are not alone.

This world is designed to pigeon-hole you into a life of meaningless repetition and debt-slavery. You're meant to be a cog in the machine and barely get by paying the mortgage/taxes. Art and pursuing your passion can't fulfill this requirement, and therefore such activities tend to be a pipe dream for almost everyone.


How I cope?

1. Live in the ghetto. It really isn't bad. Get over your preconceptions.
2. Make your home your own.
3. Learn skill sets, buy or share equipment.
4. Research fun DIY projects online.

[dwdoc]

Depression (if not situational- i.e. due to current circumstances) is due to a chemical balance in the brain. Medication combined with appropriate psychotherapy can be very helpful.  The list of side effects on medications is due to lawsuits and does not reflect the experience of most patients.

[NumberFive]

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.

Are you US based?

Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!

Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over.

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...

I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.

PM me if you want to chat.

I appreciate the words but its not just a bad day, I feel like its a bad life. I've struggled my whole life and I just don't know how much I can fight it anymore. It leaves me helpless in a way. I've had the suit and tie job and I wasn't happy. I've lived in Philadelphia on the streets just about and I wasn't happy. I feel like no matter what I will never be happy.

Obviously there are good moments but overall I don't see the point.

I don't know how to put it in words how exactly I feel and it's harder than just talking to someone that cares. I feel like I am putting more problems on them. It's never the are you okay talk, it always brings more to the table. The only person that I feel truly cares is my mother. My father was murdered when I was young and the rest of my family is nothing like me. So I don't go to her with majority of issues because she struggles to and doesn't need extra bullshit on her mind.

Sorry this is all over the place, my minds racing and I don't know where I'm going with it all.

[Kruniac]

And just end it all?

I feel like I am going to get all different kind of responses but I want to put this out there and see how many people have seriously considered it. Life isn't easy for the majority of people, always hiding problems or not confronting them and letting them just dig deeper until you don't/can't handle it anymore.

How to people have ambition to move through all the bullshit in this world anymore? You seem to fix one problem and before you're done you have 2 more and what you were working on just falls to shit anyways. Maybe that's why we have so many drug addicts, just trying to escape reality because they can't bring themselves to the end.

What happens with the people that are suicidal failures that know they have nothing to live for and have seriously tried to end it only to fail at that? Where in today's culture do you put them? Right along with the undesirables and mental cases. There is no hope anymore, no determination, no pleasure of being in existence, so why be here?

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

I don't know where I am getting with this, kinda like everything else in life. I need something constructive to put my energy towards and feel like I am apart of something. I need to wake up each morning and know I have a meaning and I am needed. Even if it's not something great or world changing, just something that is meaningful to me, something I have passion for.

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over. Maybe I'm crazy or something but if I don't get meaning in my life soon I will be 1 less undesirable around.

Time for Dr. Kruniac to give some assistance, in his own no-BS way.

Wanting to off yourself isn't something to be ashamed of. Suicide has been commonly accepted throughout history as a valid means of solving a problem, rather than as an escape mechanism.

That having been said, please think carefully before considering this type of permanent solution to temporary problems. In it's most basic form, suicide robs you of any of life's pleasures. There must be SOMETHING you take joy in. Maybe you get off watching baseball. Perhaps women are your thing. Maybe it's food, the outdoors, a sunrise, hurting people, reading - there is SOMETHING that makes you go "...Yay.".

Suicide deprives you of those things. You will never see a sunrise. You will never eat. You will never knock someone out again. All positive things earthly will be denied to you, as you will have gone inert. You might be depressed, you might feel worthless, you might have nothing going on - none of these things are permanent. I've seen (and met) truly worthless human beings who enjoy their lives fully. If they can do it, so can you.

I have personal experience with chemical imbalances. It's not fun. However, with proper discipline and education about your particular disorder, you can regain control of yourself and your destiny. I do NOT recommend medicating the problem, as that leads to more problems.

Paxil especially. I was on that shit for five months. Then Celexa (citalopram, if memory serves). All that happened was that I became an extremely drowsy zombie. I could barely function (I was learning ASP.net at the time, which made it even more difficult to take), I napped a lot, and I was generally miserable. When I stopped taking the meds, I went through withdrawal. I was extremely ansty and I did not sleep for 39 hours. I laid and shivered like a crackhead, sweating and wishing I could die.

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues

Why do you need someone to get involved? Reach out and take what you want from life. Force yourself upon the world, while it screams and begs. If you must suffer, make it suffer. ^__^

Maybe I'm crazy or something but if I don't get meaning in my life soon I will be 1 less undesirable around.

But you aren't undesirable. You're just another person. There's nothing horrible or off about you. Sure, you're pretty damn crazy. You're off your rocker. You're out of your gourd. And?

You could have a Borderline Personality Disorder. You could be Bi-Polar, and go into manic fits where you become violent and completely irrational. It could always be worse.


I'm going to leave you with something to think about. You aren't miserable. This world is. I know it sounds cliche, but you have it FINE and dandy.

I dated a girl who was raped repeatedly by her mother's boyfriend from the ages of 9-14. She had problems.

I dated another girl whose mother was a meth addict, and would hook her up with random guys as a way of being her "friend" instead of her mother. She had problems.

There are prisoners in third world shit holes who have maimed limbs, and are beaten to death if they fail to move to a certain area at a certain time.

There are children who are sold as sex slaves to be ravished again and again by random people.

Starvation. Genocide. Rap music.

The world is a terrible place. You're okay.


I hope you take control of your life. Best of luck.

[btceic]

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.

Are you US based?

Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!

Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over.

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...

I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.

PM me if you want to chat.

I appreciate the words but its not just a bad day, I feel like its a bad life. I've struggled my whole life and I just don't know how much I can fight it anymore. It leaves me helpless in a way. I've had the suit and tie job and I wasn't happy. I've lived in Philadelphia on the streets just about and I wasn't happy. I feel like no matter what I will never be happy.

Obviously there are good moments but overall I don't see the point.

I don't know how to put it in words how exactly I feel and it's harder than just talking to someone that cares. I feel like I am putting more problems on them. It's never the are you okay talk, it always brings more to the table. The only person that I feel truly cares is my mother. My father was murdered when I was young and the rest of my family is nothing like me. So I don't go to her with majority of issues because she struggles to and doesn't need extra bullshit on her mind.

Sorry this is all over the place, my minds racing and I don't know where I'm going with it all.

NumberFive,
I went through a similar situation as you a while ago, so I know how you feel, you may not believe it but I do.

What helped me? A therapist and some xanax/clamazapan, I have a null receptor on one of my genes that turns EVERY one of the depression drugs into worse depression drugs.

Here is what I learned:

It is ok to open up
It is ok to be sad
It is ok to be depressed

Learn to be truthful to yourself, really down deep truthful and really spot on honest with yourself.

Be truthful about your situation with somebody, anybody, if you don't things WILL get worse.

Really learn to open up about your situation, you would be surprised how many people are in the same or worse situations that you are in right now.

Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have made, Allow yourself to not feel guilty about your fathers murder, that was not your fault (if of course you didn't do it).

You cannot control anything or anybody else in this world other than yourself, your actions and your emotions.

Last but not least: give up on your conceptions of how you think life should be like and live in the now, right now, love and appreciate that you are alive, breathing, have food, shelter, clean drinking water.

The above may sound hokey or stupid, but you will not believe how helpful it really is to just let out what it is that is bothering you.

I am available via PM if you want, and if it is truly a desperate situation I will give you my cell # to call.

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

[Matthew N. Wright]

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.

Are you US based?

Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!

Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over.

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...

I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.

PM me if you want to chat.

I appreciate the words but its not just a bad day, I feel like its a bad life. I've struggled my whole life and I just don't know how much I can fight it anymore. It leaves me helpless in a way. I've had the suit and tie job and I wasn't happy. I've lived in Philadelphia on the streets just about and I wasn't happy. I feel like no matter what I will never be happy.

Obviously there are good moments but overall I don't see the point.

I don't know how to put it in words how exactly I feel and it's harder than just talking to someone that cares. I feel like I am putting more problems on them. It's never the are you okay talk, it always brings more to the table. The only person that I feel truly cares is my mother. My father was murdered when I was young and the rest of my family is nothing like me. So I don't go to her with majority of issues because she struggles to and doesn't need extra bullshit on her mind.

Sorry this is all over the place, my minds racing and I don't know where I'm going with it all.

NumberFive,
I went through a similar situation as you a while ago, so I know how you feel, you may not believe it but I do.

What helped me? A therapist and some xanax/clamazapan, I have a null receptor on one of my genes that turns EVERY one of the depression drugs into worse depression drugs.

Here is what I learned:

It is ok to open up
It is ok to be sad
It is ok to be depressed

Learn to be truthful to yourself, really down deep truthful and really spot on honest with yourself.

Be truthful about your situation with somebody, anybody, if you don't things WILL get worse.

Really learn to open up about your situation, you would be surprised how many people are in the same or worse situations that you are in right now.

Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have made, Allow yourself to not feel guilty about your fathers murder, that was not your fault (if of course you didn't do it).

You cannot control anything or anybody else in this world other than yourself, your actions and your emotions.

Last but not least: give up on your conceptions of how you think life should be like and live in the now, right now, love and appreciate that you are alive, breathing, have food, shelter, clean drinking water.

The above may sound hokey or stupid, but you will not believe how helpful it really is to just let out what it is that is bothering you.

I am available via PM if you want, and if it is truly a desperate situation I will give you my cell # to call.

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

Sex.

[btceic]

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

Sex.

Sex... forgot about that, I'm married with kids

[mprep]

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

Sex.

Sex... forgot about that, I'm married with kids

Yeah, that's probably the best of them all. 

[NumberFive]

Thanks for the offer but it won't help.

As I sit right now I live on the lake at a family cottage and have access to a boat, fishing gear, skies and tubes. Yet I lay in bed with my laptop. It's really not as easy as just be happy people have it worse than you.

It's sad the more I think about it. At this very second I am okay, but in the next weeks I will be homeless without any of this. My family rather rent it out than let a deadbeat rent it for less than what they get for a weekend.

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm not the energetic all around american that everyone expects. I just don't have the drive to be what I probably could be with very little effort. I just don't see the point anymore. Once a problem is out of the way another one is there to take its place.

 

[Matthew N. Wright]

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

Sex.

Sex... forgot about that, I'm married with kids

Living alone in California I wasn't so much depressed as scared, since my future was wide open and I was living paycheck to paycheck, but I would walk down the PCH for 4 hours or so down to San Clamente and back and that always helped me think about life. I did the same after moving to Korea, wandering the streets late at night. Eventually I was able to move that wandering depressed and lonely energy towards girls, which quickly taught me all about anger, disappointment and sexism. Now I wish I could be depressed again instead of angry all the time.

Edit: skateboarding, music, dancing, racing cars, hapkido, flying, these things all helped to distract me as well.

[FiatKiller]

Staying online all day can definitely cause depression. Perhaps start with changing that. But you do need someone to talk to so they can learn specifics. Your current situation is depressing you, so try changing things up. Activity level, food, social interaction, etc.

[JimCGSavings]

Call the Salvation Army. They can put you up, be a local mailing address for you, feed and clothe you, as long as you are actively looking for work. PM me your location and an email address and I'll see if I can get you a contact. It's been 20 years since I graduated the L.A. ARC, but once a Sally alumni, always a Sally alumni.

[NumberFive]

Call the Salvation Army. They can put you up, be a local mailing address for you, feed and clothe you, as long as you are actively looking for work. PM me your location and an email address and I'll see if I can get you a contact. It's been 20 years since I graduated the L.A. ARC, but once a Sally alumni, always a Sally alumni.

Sorry I will live on the streets first. I could collect welfare and foodstamps without a problem, I choose not to. Not because I am better or anything like that but because I feel I put myself in this situation a hand out isn't going to solve that. It will be a temporary fix. I need to find something that gives me purpose and meaning, not find a hand out. 

[Matthew N. Wright]

Call the Salvation Army. They can put you up, be a local mailing address for you, feed and clothe you, as long as you are actively looking for work. PM me your location and an email address and I'll see if I can get you a contact. It's been 20 years since I graduated the L.A. ARC, but once a Sally alumni, always a Sally alumni.

Sorry I will live on the streets first. I could collect welfare and foodstamps without a problem, I choose not to. Not because I am better or anything like that but because I feel I put myself in this situation a hand out isn't going to solve that. It will be a temporary fix. I need to find something that gives me purpose and meaning, not find a hand out. 

Boom! Despite any depression or downtime I've always felt this way too. Good man.

[JimCGSavings]

Fine. After you have experienced the joys of living on the streets, and figured out that NOT living on the streets is an excellent reason to live (grin), check out the Sally. BTW, they don't do handouts. How do you think they stock those Thrift stores? Can you say ARC? (grin)