Ever want to end it all?

[Matthew N. Wright]

I have spent many days of this week chatting with our friend here until wee hours of the morning and decided to be a good samaritan to him since he genuinely seemed to be in a place I was when I was younger.

• I offered him some advice on how to get back on track with life, including a stellar job offer (since I need to hire quite a lot of recruiters for a job I'm working now anyway and he seems stuck in a rut). He agreed to entertain the offer and thanked me for my motivation, that's good.
• I offered to help find him a place to live, I involved some friends who live near him, and before they could find a place he found one, so that was good.
• I offered him some food but he said he was good for now, so that's good.
• While discussing getting his GED, I pushed him to find prices and offered to pay the fees for him, he is still trying to set that up. That's good.
• While discussing how to get him to come overseas for a job offer, I instructed him on how to get his passport, and he said he could apply as early as tomorrow, that's good.
• I asked him where I could send him funds to help pay for his costs of making the passport and applying for GED (he can pay me later when he gets his job), and he gave me the Paypal address supposedly of his girlfriend's dad. A cursory internet search showed it belonged to what seems like a 12 year old scammer and emails associated with that only corroborated this.
• He instantly goes on the defensive and suddenly *I'm* the one who can't be trusted, that my "untrustworthy" tag from Theymos regarding a bad bet that I'm paying everyone for suddenly means he can't trust my sincere help (and refuses to speak logically and admit that I know absolutely nothing about him).

I hope he's just emotional and confused right now, because if it's not that, then he's a scammer. Keep this in mind before helping him anyone. I'm not saying *don't* help him, I'm just saying that you should most definitely get some kind of proof of who he actually is first. I hope I'm wrong (prove me wrong mate), but when you are a random name, no address, no face, etc, (doesn't matter if you can supply an ID, I've been scammed by many before with IDs up the ass) on the internet, the burden of proof is on *you*, not me, and you need to be logical if you want to continue moving forward, not emotional.

Good luck in the future, I hope you get out of your rut (unless you're a scammer in which I wish you a continued stay in your rut).

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[FiatKiller]

Good job trying at least!

[BitChick]

After talking to these people I have hope for the future. It's kind of strange and crazy how things happen but I won't question it.

Hopefully the next thread I make can be "How bitcoin saved my life". Would be a great turn of events. If anyone else is feeling what I am please don't hesitate to talk to someone no matter if its a friend family member or a random guy online. It really does help.

Just saw this thread.  So glad you are feeling more positive about things.

I certainly can understand what you are going through as I have been there too.  I do consider myself "religious" although I think that word can bring connotations of a stoic/righteous person, which I do not consider myself at all.  What I have found is that God really does understand me even when I feel like ending it all.  There have been times in my life where I feel like he miraculously met me where I was at and I was able to get through the dark days that I went through.  He used people around me.  He comforted me when I called out to Him and basically let Him know exactly what was going on.  No need to sugar coat it.  I think sometimes as a "deep thinker" it is harder.  We are not as shallow as some around us and it makes it harder in that way. 

Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote several years ago about my struggle with this called "If you only knew":

Have you ever felt like you were all alone?
The deepest feelings in your heart so unknown?
I am here to say that I've been there too
Oh, if you only knew

Have you ever felt like life was hard to live?
Feeling there was nothing left for you to give?
I am here to say that I've felt that too.
Oh, if you only knew

I know what it's like to give up on everything
I know what it's like to feel like life is not worth living
I know what it's like to feel like God doesn't care
But He always was and He always is and He always will be
There

Are you afraid of letting Jesus in
Thinking He would frown upon your hidden sins
I am am here to say that He loves you
Oh if you only knew

I know what it's like to give up on everything
I know what it's like to feel like life is not worth living
I know what it's like to feel like God doesn't care
But He always was and He always is and He always will be
There

Through the storms of life
He has been the guiding light
In my deep despair
He's been there, Oh he's been there
It doesn't matter what I've done
His love goes on and on and on and on

[jdbtracker]

only when surrounded by shitty people and have to deal with their BS till I get a chance to get away... They are plotting! I know it! just want to act oppressive and inconsiderate to make me want to off myself! but haha! they don't know i don't give a fuck! Gotta get away, gotta get away from this place.

[AliceWonder]

I've considered it before.
What kept me from doing it is I knew what it would do to my mother, and I couldn't do that to her.

[d3m0n1q_733rz]

And just end it all?

I feel like I am going to get all different kind of responses but I want to put this out there and see how many people have seriously considered it. Life isn't easy for the majority of people, always hiding problems or not confronting them and letting them just dig deeper until you don't/can't handle it anymore.

How to people have ambition to move through all the bullshit in this world anymore? You seem to fix one problem and before you're done you have 2 more and what you were working on just falls to shit anyways. Maybe that's why we have so many drug addicts, just trying to escape reality because they can't bring themselves to the end.

What happens with the people that are suicidal failures that know they have nothing to live for and have seriously tried to end it only to fail at that? Where in today's culture do you put them? Right along with the undesirables and mental cases. There is no hope anymore, no determination, no pleasure of being in existence, so why be here?

I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.

I don't know where I am getting with this, kinda like everything else in life. I need something constructive to put my energy towards and feel like I am apart of something. I need to wake up each morning and know I have a meaning and I am needed. Even if it's not something great or world changing, just something that is meaningful to me, something I have passion for.

But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over. Maybe I'm crazy or something but if I don't get meaning in my life soon I will be 1 less undesirable around.

Actually, yes.  Yes I have.  I still do.  I realize that humanity only pretends to care about others but usually only when it gets them what they want.  I don't belong with these people who's agendas are self-serving, but I don't have anywhere else I can be.  I often desire to poof out of existence but fear the unknown consequences of doing so.  I fear the idea that some part of me or my consciousness may be eternal.  And, if I think this place is bad, just imagine being stuck here for the rest of eternity...which could very well happen eventually anyway.
I lost the only person who I ever absolutely truly loved and have been having to learn to forget about her and find reasons to be angry at her about the way things ended.
If I could end my existence, I would.  But I would much more desire to end the existence of the entire world with me.  Think about it.  We're put on this planet and expected to survive by destroying other living creatures which we must eat.  We evolve based on these creatures DNA structures which our bodies adapt to our own, but we've decided to destroy those DNA structures first which causes several problems.  We decide that it's bad  to get sick, but our bodies must get sick if they are to adapt to the ever changing environments.  Humanity thinks that they're intelligent, but they're killing themselves with every poorly thought-out move.
Science has become a religion in which anyone claiming to be a scientist will tell the world something and nobody considers verifying it to ensure it's accuracy.  Pills have become so mainstream that people believe they can't live without them.  So yeah, it's no wonder I want to remove humanity as a whole.

As it is, you're going to have to reach the core of whatever is bothering you.  Pills only mask the problem so that you can't see the world around you.  The disorder is being aware of it.  You're not happy, start with that.  But why aren't you happy?  What will make you happy?  And why have you posted everything I've been saying and feeling for about 2 years now?
Anytime I try to do something worthwhile, some human gets in my way.  They either tell me I can't achieve it or tell everybody else that they're stupid for trying to help me to achieve it.
Take this for example:  https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=235478.0
The first post other than myself that was made was to ensure my failure for no reason what-so-ever.  They had no proof, no basis, nothing.  I was honest, I was sincere, and mostly courteous.  But nobody cares about who I am as a person.  They see money and what I can do for THEM.
On top of that, I got a phone call today about an interview with Time Warner Cable.  I need a job.  But because I don't presently have a job, they refused to give me an interview.  Humanity is full of idiots and I refuse to be one.  I just can't find the exit door.
If there was some nice island somewhere that wasn't owned by some nation already, I would ask all the NEETs of the world if they want to setup shop there and make a truly free country which doesn't depend on currency where everybody is free to follow their dreams.  College would be free, you would work for the sake of making the world a better place, your creative freedom wouldn't be stifled by the size of your wallet, and the limitations set on items for the sake of making the most profit wouldn't exist!  Copy things all you want!  Make them better, make them your own!  Just become someone you're happy with...

But this is Earth, humanity and reality.  Those things don't exist here.  -_-

[Scott J]

I have spent many days of this week chatting with our friend here until wee hours of the morning and decided to be a good samaritan to him since he genuinely seemed to be in a place I was when I was younger.

• I offered him some advice on how to get back on track with life, including a stellar job offer (since I need to hire quite a lot of recruiters for a job I'm working now anyway and he seems stuck in a rut). He agreed to entertain the offer and thanked me for my motivation, that's good.
• I offered to help find him a place to live, I involved some friends who live near him, and before they could find a place he found one, so that was good.
• I offered him some food but he said he was good for now, so that's good.
• While discussing getting his GED, I pushed him to find prices and offered to pay the fees for him, he is still trying to set that up. That's good.
• While discussing how to get him to come overseas for a job offer, I instructed him on how to get his passport, and he said he could apply as early as tomorrow, that's good.
• I asked him where I could send him funds to help pay for his costs of making the passport and applying for GED (he can pay me later when he gets his job), and he gave me the Paypal address supposedly of his girlfriend's dad. A cursory internet search showed it belonged to what seems like a 12 year old scammer and emails associated with that only corroborated this.
• He instantly goes on the defensive and suddenly *I'm* the one who can't be trusted, that my "untrustworthy" tag from Theymos regarding a bad bet that I'm paying everyone for suddenly means he can't trust my sincere help (and refuses to speak logically and admit that I know absolutely nothing about him).

I hope he's just emotional and confused right now, because if it's not that, then he's a scammer. Keep this in mind before helping him anyone. I'm not saying *don't* help him, I'm just saying that you should most definitely get some kind of proof of who he actually is first. I hope I'm wrong (prove me wrong mate), but when you are a random name, no address, no face, etc, (doesn't matter if you can supply an ID, I've been scammed by many before with IDs up the ass) on the internet, the burden of proof is on *you*, not me, and you need to be logical if you want to continue moving forward, not emotional.

Good luck in the future, I hope you get out of your rut.

Over a couple of PMs I sensed that he was looking for money rather than anything else.

He may well be in a bad way, in which case best of luck to him.

[dank]

You can't escape existance, you can seclude yourself into isolated darkness, but you'll always exist.

Flip negative thoughts around.  Daydream, all your dreams may come true one day.

[QuestionAuthority]

You can't escape existance, you can seclude yourself into isolated darkness, but you'll always exist.

Flip negative thoughts around.  Daydream, all your dreams may come true one day.

There always has to be one of you on every forum. I wonder why that is?

[NumberFive]

I have spent many days of this week chatting with our friend here until wee hours of the morning and decided to be a good samaritan to him since he genuinely seemed to be in a place I was when I was younger.

• I offered him some advice on how to get back on track with life, including a stellar job offer (since I need to hire quite a lot of recruiters for a job I'm working now anyway and he seems stuck in a rut). He agreed to entertain the offer and thanked me for my motivation, that's good.
• I offered to help find him a place to live, I involved some friends who live near him, and before they could find a place he found one, so that was good.
• I offered him some food but he said he was good for now, so that's good.
• While discussing getting his GED, I pushed him to find prices and offered to pay the fees for him, he is still trying to set that up. That's good.
• While discussing how to get him to come overseas for a job offer, I instructed him on how to get his passport, and he said he could apply as early as tomorrow, that's good.
• I asked him where I could send him funds to help pay for his costs of making the passport and applying for GED (he can pay me later when he gets his job), and he gave me the Paypal address supposedly of his girlfriend's dad. A cursory internet search showed it belonged to what seems like a 12 year old scammer and emails associated with that only corroborated this.
• He instantly goes on the defensive and suddenly *I'm* the one who can't be trusted, that my "untrustworthy" tag from Theymos regarding a bad bet that I'm paying everyone for suddenly means he can't trust my sincere help (and refuses to speak logically and admit that I know absolutely nothing about him).

I hope he's just emotional and confused right now, because if it's not that, then he's a scammer. Keep this in mind before helping him anyone. I'm not saying *don't* help him, I'm just saying that you should most definitely get some kind of proof of who he actually is first. I hope I'm wrong (prove me wrong mate), but when you are a random name, no address, no face, etc, (doesn't matter if you can supply an ID, I've been scammed by many before with IDs up the ass) on the internet, the burden of proof is on *you*, not me, and you need to be logical if you want to continue moving forward, not emotional.

Good luck in the future, I hope you get out of your rut.

Over a couple of PMs I sensed that he was looking for money rather than anything else.

He may well be in a bad way, in which case best of luck to him.

I am not looking for money from forum members. Why you sensed I need money if because society has evolved to this money hungry machine that without it you are dead. You can't drink water without money, you can't go hunt your own food to eat. You have to go to the store and buy over priced, steroid infested meat to simply LIVE.

The PMs I got are simply good will words in a way. No one truly cares about the issues at hand. I would bet half the people who PM me forgot they did so the next day.

Like damon said, I rather take the human race with me if I go. Humans only destroy shit. There is no purpose for us besides to play god with other species. To pollute and kill. Simple.

In all honesty, if there was a red button in front of me to take out the human species I would hit it without needing a second to think about it. Take every last person on this earth to meet their "god", myself mother brother everyone included.

[Damnsammit]

I think almost everybody at one point has asked themselves about the purpose that they serve on this Earth.  Then the individual has to take a look at their life and figure out a meaning.  My brother apparently could never find that meaning as he killed himself when I was a teenager. 

It's really a sad world we live in when they people that we pay to "help" are really just there to take our money.  The same thing happened to me with a doctor.  They either want to talk about God and how awesome he is (I'm an atheist) or they want to hand out pills.  You gotta carve your own path into the woods, sometimes.  Find out what makes you happy, and if you can't find that then find something that makes you less miserable than you are.  Talk to your friends and family and let them know that something is wrong even if you don't know what it is yet. 

But if you can't find that then I guess the option of ending it all doesn't seem as selfish anymore since no one else decided to notice enough to keep you here.

If you can't find a reason to live, then I don't know what to tell you.  Ten years ago, I might have felt more inclined to understand it, but I got a wife and a kiddo now and it's very simple to find many reasons to live even on the worst days.

Good luck to ya!  Have a drink and get laid.  That usually cheers me up!

[NumberFive]

I think almost everybody at one point has asked themselves about the purpose that they serve on this Earth.  Then the individual has to take a look at their life and figure out a meaning.  My brother apparently could never find that meaning as he killed himself when I was a teenager. 

It's really a sad world we live in when they people that we pay to "help" are really just there to take our money.  The same thing happened to me with a doctor.  They either want to talk about God and how awesome he is (I'm an atheist) or they want to hand out pills.  You gotta carve your own path into the woods, sometimes.  Find out what makes you happy, and if you can't find that then find something that makes you less miserable than you are.  Talk to your friends and family and let them know that something is wrong even if you don't know what it is yet. 

But if you can't find that then I guess the option of ending it all doesn't seem as selfish anymore since no one else decided to notice enough to keep you here.

If you can't find a reason to live, then I don't know what to tell you.  Ten years ago, I might have felt more inclined to understand it, but I got a wife and a kiddo now and it's very simple to find many reasons to live even on the worst days.

Good luck to ya!  Have a drink and get laid.  That usually cheers me up!

I get laid. I live with a gf of 4 years. Getting laid doesn't help real problems. Other than that I agree with most of what you posted.

My issue is no one cares for another anymore. Everyone has their own MO. If it won't benefit them there is no need to help. Case in point Matthew. He promised everything and delivered nothing. Maybe he thought I wouldn't see through his meanings and would blindly follow him to benefit him from my misfortunes.

[Damnsammit]

Well... maybe you need to hang around a different crowd?

If you are seeking compassion then the internet is surely the wrong place.

[NumberFive]

Well... maybe you need to hang around a different crowd?

If you are seeking compassion then the internet is surely the wrong place.

Nope not compassion. I was twisted when I wrote this thinking someone would actually care. I have accepted my situation and if I need to leave this world I will.

[Damnsammit]

Good luck to ya! 

You should try sensory deprivation and/or Psilocybin mushrooms before you kill yourself though. 

Those both can cause profound moments of clarity.

If you can get your hands on it some DMT is fantastic for realigning to a path that makes sense internally.

[JimCGSavings]

Nope not compassion. I was twisted when I wrote this thinking someone would actually care. I have accepted my situation and if I need to leave this world I will.

The problem with that is that even when other people care, they stop after awhile. If you don't find enough reasons to care for yourself, you probably will end up in a place where you think you need to end it. I get there all the time these days. I just came home from Integris ICU and am washing some clothes and grabbing something to eat before I head back. My wife has pneumonia again for the second time this year. Dementia is a bitch. It robs you of your mind and then starts in on your body. Sometimes I fantasize about when she dies and I can just swallow all her narcotics with a nice bottle of single malt and end this nightmare. I don't think I will. I want to see my grandchild finish growing up. She's turning into a remarkable young lady and I can't wait to see her take on the world after college. The girl is fierce! (grin)

Life is subjective. Even rich people kill themselves. Find your own reasons to stay alive. A few BTC from strangers isn't gonna be enough of a reason.

[FiatKiller]

Why don't you join the military where you can kill your fellow humans legally? It also helps to get your frustrations out by doing it in games.

[webcoinx]

when you're facing lots of problem...

it makes sense...

but hey... it cannot be that worst... just try to think of people who got nothing to eat..

and sing the song...

HAKUNA MATATA

[NumberFive]

Most are missing the point. I don't want to kill people for fun. I want people overall to change. This world has become something twisted with politics, corporations, drugs etc. The average person is blind to most issues unless it effects their life of main objective.

Its all what benefits yourself. Just like this forum, we are all here to discuss our wealth and look for more ways to earn more money. Think to yourself how many people when in obvious need have you helped?

I read this "super-node" say I have never helped out a beggar. He doesn't even realize maybe they are not a beggar but a person that is down right now and just needs a little boost or helping hand. Obviously not by government law does he need to help out, but by human law he should think about it instead of ignoring whats been presented.

[d3m0n1q_733rz]

Most are missing the point. I don't want to kill people for fun. I want people overall to change. This world has become something twisted with politics, corporations, drugs etc. The average person is blind to most issues unless it effects their life of main objective.

Its all what benefits yourself. Just like this forum, we are all here to discuss our wealth and look for more ways to earn more money. Think to yourself how many people when in obvious need have you helped?

I read this "super-node" say I have never helped out a beggar. He doesn't even realize maybe they are not a beggar but a person that is down right now and just needs a little boost or helping hand. Obviously not by government law does he need to help out, but by human law he should think about it instead of ignoring whats been presented.

Actually, I'm inclined to agree as I've been thinking much the same thing myself.  Anytime that it doesn't benefit the person who you're trying to get to pay attention to a problem, they don't care.  It's only when it becomes a problem for them that they get fired-up about it.  They claim priorities.