Lending money or damaging family bond ?

[Comingdown]

In comes to lending money, specifically, to family members, I always have that hesitation at first but end up lending them anyways. But in terms of payment, if they do pay on time and wont give me hard time getting the money back, I would never hesitate to lend them again. If they do not have that initiative to pay it, I will never let them be able to lend from me again. So, in your case, since he was untrustworthy, I would have done the same thing. And, you did the right thing. I think the best way to handle the situation of letting down the person's request to lend money is trying to explain and help them in other ways, since they are still a family. But, I must admit that your cousin is kind of toxic in a way that he let money issues affects the relationship you had as a family.

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[Majestic-milf]

I don't think there'd be a bond if the so called "family" member only reaches out when he or she needs something. Those folks be like fair weather friends and from your story, it's not as if you ever disclosed to him that you was some big hotshot who could afford such an amount. It was just between you and your pocket. And knowing the person was untrustworthy was another turn off.
 Also, I don't think an unappreciative individual would acknowledge it even if you broke a limb for them, so if I were you, I'd feel a lot pained if I were to have lost such an amount on something else than borrowing to someone who isn't straightforward.

[CODE200]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

You just did right thing I guess. Three thousand dollar is a huge money and you didnt get it easily, I know you did lot of hustle to earn it. Lending money to other people is not a must to do. Its still depends on our decision, If we think they are trustworthy enough then we go for it but if not, its okay not to do it. If they get hurt on what you did, its just shows his true color and intention to you. Because if he truly your cousin and respect your decision I guess he will understand why you dont lend him and will still talk to you on that family gathering. Even me, I dont always allow myself to keep lending people close to me even if its family connected as long as I know they dont know how to handle money well. Its not a true bond if they only reach you in times on needs.

[Iadegbola34]

3000$ is a huge amount of money from where I come, if you would give that to someone it should go into something that can yield returns and not to offset a debt. Couple with the fact that he's not so trustworthy, you actually did the right thing for yourself.

You might be the one hating him if you lend him the money and you find out he spent it lavishly on frivolities.

[virasisog]

This happened to me a lot of times. Relatives used to borrow money from me and out of mercy I lend them my hard-earned money but they didn't pay me and they are even ignoring my texts and chats. From my experiences, I learned to say no and cut ties with abusive relatives. You did the right thing because that's a huge amount of money especially if that relative of yours isn't trustworthy. When it comes to money, we can see the true colors of the people around us. You shouldn't be the one to feel awkward because you just saved yourself from stress.

[xSkylarx]

3000$ is a huge amount of money from where I come, if you would give that to someone it should go into something that can yield returns and not to offset a debt. Couple with the fact that he's not so trustworthy, you actually did the right thing for yourself.

You might be the one hating him if you lend him the money and you find out he spent it lavishly on frivolities.

I cant imagine that those people that you give or lend your money goes on vacation and post on social media is for sure hurting you and the possibility that they will pay you is low. Though again it's your relative that is most of what people say if you really have extra money then lend them because for sure there are times that you will need them so treat it as a gift for them though make sure that they are not exploiting you.

[Zilon]

When it comes to family members i don't lend out money to them i simply give out what i can afford to spare at that time i also do same to close friends and mark it as a support to such member. Lending money to family members has scattered long existing bonds and relationship. It is better to help if one can than to lend out on the grounds of getting the help back. Even if i agree to lend out i make sure it is an amount i can afford to lose should in case it doesn't return back.

[Iroh]

Disputes over money has and would continue to ruin a lot of relationships. Relationships between family members and friends alike have abruptly ended cause of disputes over money and in most cases, the relationship would not end on good terms as well.

Personally, I try not to let money come in between my relationship with my family and friends, and that’s why I do not lend any money that I can’t afford to let go to any family member or friend.

It can be quite difficult to refuse lending money to a family member or a friend in need but when I know I would have a hard time getting it back or probably wouldn’t get it back at all, I definitely would not be willing to part with  any money.
Perhaps, if I’m feeling magnanimous enough and the issues that needs my money is really urgent, I would still lend to a family member or a true friend and wouldn’t bother to go all out to get my money back.

[VRExpress]

As if lending him the money will change him into a good guy, you did the right thing because even if you pitied him you won't get your money back, he might even missed the family reunion because of the money, do what you feel is right for your mental health, no one knows your family better than you do. In this world today, your best friend will turn your biggest enemy because of money, lending people money is like creating new sets of enemies.

[Jody.Drummer]

What is the essence of having much money if others mostly family can't benefit from it?
As long as family is involved and the person in question really looks like he could really use the cash, even if he couldn't payback, I don't see why a hand couldn't be extended, even if not with the full amount, but with half of the price at least.
It could have been you on the knife edge and needed his help. Who am I to judge after all. You remain the better judge, OP, and no one can fault you for that.

This is not whether or not family members can use the money we have, but this is about trust between family members. Maybe it's not wrong if family members help each other, but you need to know that not all family members can do that, I mean when they have a bad track record that makes them reluctant to offer help to them. We don't see from one side, but we also have to see from various sides. besides, I'm sure the OP will also provide him with assistance, it's just that the amount is not what one of his family members wants.

[Dr.Bitcoin_Strange]

Well, for me, I can't lend anyone money knowing that the person has no source or means of paying it back, unless i have considered it a gift, and that's if the lend request is from a family relative or a best friend. I have friends that ask me to lend them money, but because they are not reliable, I usually decline their request because I hate a situation where, after lending someone money, they expect me to beg them for repayment when the agreed-upon period of repayment is over. At that moment, demanding my money could lead to misunderstandings and some conflict that could also break a friendship or family bond. OP, I think your decision was right.

[Woodie]

The thing with family is we always think we know people and sometimes we could be right and sometimes we could be wrong and never want to admit it.
When it comes to finances and family I think it's all about flexibility, you don't want to be the robocop of the family that always thinks they know it all, sometimes just give people the benefit of the doubt as people grow out of these bad habits and try to impress the people that came through for them,if we can't believe in them then who will...unless we saying family nolonger matters and second chances do not exist anymore 

[dunfida]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Common reaction whether if its part of the family or your friend or someone you do know.On the time that you would really be not granting up their request or favor then for sure they would really be having those kind of actions where they wont really be minding on having good responses or in good mood. Just like the rest been saying that you did well, we do all want money and we just do assure that we wont really be experiencing
some problems on the time that you would really asking for repayment. If you do see that he's not financially capable since he do lost up some work, then it would be common sense that you shouldnt lent him.
For some amounts as act as a help then its considerable but borrowing huge numbers then its an another story.

[mvdheuvel1983]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously.

I concur with this first statement. Managing finances may include proper budgeting, staying out of debts, and cultivating a healthy financial lifestyle.

I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy.

Personally, I think you have given him the benefit of the doubt. Beside, you may be questioning his trustworthy based on based experiences. But I want you to know that people are capable of changing and becoming better. Also, it isn't mandatory that you should have given him the whole three thousand dollars. You could have been able to spare, maybe $500, $1000, or $1500 or any amount you could spare. He was already in a bad place.

A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

I still think, you could have lent him whatever amount you could spare. It probably would have gone a long way. Maybe your act of kindness mixed with encouraging words would have made him become a better person character wise. He is hurt that is why he snubbed you at the family reunion. Lastly, this shouldn't be enough to damage family bond.

[Marvell1]

In comes to lending money, specifically, to family members, I always have that hesitation at first but end up lending them anyways. But in terms of payment, if they do pay on time and wont give me hard time getting the money back, I would never hesitate to lend them again. If they do not have that initiative to pay it, I will never let them be able to lend from me again. So, in your case, since he was untrustworthy, I would have done the same thing. And, you did the right thing. I think the best way to handle the situation of letting down the person's request to lend money is trying to explain and help them in other ways, since they are still a family. But, I must admit that your cousin is kind of toxic in a way that he let money issues affects the relationship you had as a family.

I do the same as you, not only with my family members but also with my close friends. If they pay on time, I am willing to lend them back, but if they break their promise, there will never be a second time.
I have the same situation as OP, it's my cousin. I have also loaned him many times in the past, but the last 2 times, I was very tired of asking for money when needed, and then I found out that he borrowed money to play games, not work. I haven't loaned him any more money since then, and he ignored me for a long time. I'm almost not too upset and have no regrets about such relationships.

[FinneysTrueVision]

Unfortunately, it is often that your own family will look to take advantage of you. Three thousand dollars is a very large amount to loan somebody even if they are a very trustworthy person. You had every right to deny their request if you had doubts about getting repaid. Whenever I've struggled financially I would rather make sacrifices to make ends meet on my own than to become indebted to a family member and have them resent me if I wasn't able to repay them in a timely manner.

[coinerer]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Money is the thing that keeps people's relationships together and also destroys them.  You didn't loan him money so he was reluctant to talk to you but if you loaned him money and couldn't pay you back on time in this case he wouldn't have participated in your family program. So definitely one should not lend money to any untrustworthy person.  Especially not to a relative. Because you can pressure someone outside of the relative to return the money he/she lend from you , but you can never pressure the relative to protect his honor. So you did a good job by not giving money to your cousin as loan

[inthelongrun]

It happened to me too. Not just once but a lot of times. Some of them borrowed money but never paid me back even a little portion of it. It's disappointing, the amount could be small or not but I felt like I am losing trust every time someone did it to me. It is not that I am rich because I am just living a simple life but I felt like I want to live far away from relatives and if possible without contacts, especially on social media. I understand that as relatives, we got to help each other but for me borrowing money is borrowing and it needs to be paid otherwise they should've just asked for some assistance and not borrowed money because if unpaid, it's already lying or a scam.

[rojan]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Money is the thing that keeps people's relationships together and also destroys them.  You didn't loan him money so he was reluctant to talk to you but if you loaned him money and couldn't pay you back on time in this case he wouldn't have participated in your family program. So definitely one should not lend money to any untrustworthy person.  Especially not to a relative. Because you can pressure someone outside of the relative to return the money he/she lend from you , but you can never pressure the relative to protect his honor. So you did a good job by not giving money to your cousin as loan

I think people have love relationships through money and many bad relationships through money.  I have seen several relationships that are relationships through money, as long as you have money, the relationship will be good. When you don't have money, the relationship will be very bad. I think a relationship based on money will never last forever.  So it would be very foolish to think that money can ever be a relationship. So I think money can never be a relationship.

[coinerer]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Money is the thing that keeps people's relationships together and also destroys them.  You didn't loan him money so he was reluctant to talk to you but if you loaned him money and couldn't pay you back on time in this case he wouldn't have participated in your family program. So definitely one should not lend money to any untrustworthy person.  Especially not to a relative. Because you can pressure someone outside of the relative to return the money he/she lend from you , but you can never pressure the relative to protect his honor. So you did a good job by not giving money to your cousin as loan

I think people have love relationships through money and many bad relationships through money.  I have seen several relationships that are relationships through money, as long as you have money, the relationship will be good. When you don't have money, the relationship will be very bad. I think a relationship based on money will never last forever.  So it would be very foolish to think that money can ever be a relationship. So I think money can never be a relationship.

Yes if op's relative was really a good relative he wouldn't have stopped talking to op. Such a relative only comes to us when they are in Danger and keeps his head up in good times. So I think refusing to pay the op to his cousin as loan was a good move. $3k is not a less money this is a huge amount for a common man and a middle class family can run their household well for about 1-1.5 years with this money.