Lending money or damaging family bond ?

[serjent05]

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

Another lesson is that when you lend money to a relative, never expect that they will pay you back.  This often happens within the family and relatives but whatever it takes, I would rather be the one on the giving end than on the receiving end.  I will still lend money even if there is no way to get it back.  He is my relative after all.  We have been generous to our friends, what more to our kin especially when they are in times of trouble.

No matter what @OP situation is I can only conclude that money is more important than his relative because he worries more about the payment than the situation of his cousin. 

[coinerer]

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

A person must not give an amount loan, which amount of loan he is eligible for.  Otherwise he will fail to repay his loan and the lender will have to struggle to recover the money. Money is everyone's personal wealth and without it people are immobile so it should be used and managed in such a way that it does not have any adverse effect on the person. Whether it is a relative or a friend, before lending money, it must be ensured that the person is trustworthy and able to repay the loan. Then the loan should be given to that person

[qwertyup23]

A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

It is never your obligation to lend money to your relatives as they have the duty to save for emergency purposes. If your cousin did not speak to you during your family reunion, then it just really speaks about his character. The fact that you know that he is not trustworthy solidifies the reason on why you should never lend any money to him/her. He/she has the responsibility of saving funds for emergency purposes like this one.

If that is the case, then cut your ties with him/her as he would probably drag you down in his problems. What is the purpose of keeping such bond if it is corrupted and rotten at its core already? At this day and age, self-preservation is the key, except if you have family to provide for.

[cozytrade]

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

I think that if we lend money to any of our people, it will be seen at a later point in time that lending money will destroy the relationship. If we cannot repay the money, the relationship with them will be very bad, so I think it is better not to lend money.  .Lending money will not last the relationship for a long time.There are some people who can't talk about borrowing money later. Money can't be given to these people in any way.

I just borrowed "money" to a friend to send his daughter for drug rehabilitation and I know the chance of her recovery are very low, but I did it any way. He will most probably not be able to pay me back, but I have more value in his friendship than what money can buy.

Sometimes... you have to focus on what are the most important in your life, not in what money can do for you. I know, if I ever run into trouble... those people will be the only ones that might support me, but if they do not do that.. it will still be OK. 

The favour you showed was great, but some people take support or help for granted. Some people only think they can need your help all the time, but when you request their help, you can't get it.

I think there are some people who are very good, they are in danger at some point, if I lend money to them, I will pay them back on time. I have no problem lending money to these people. Because if I trust them to keep their word, it will not be foolish to give them money.  And I think it is very foolish to lend money to those who cannot keep their word.

[Farma]

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

this is a great suggestion. personally, I also have a family like that. they just come to borrow money, then never discuss the debt again. however, the money I lent him was money I was willing to lose, only a few tens of dollars to my recollection, so it wouldn't hurt the relationship I had with my family. This will not make him borrow money again before he repays the money he has borrowed.
Only, it would be different if they borrowed a lot of money. It might damage the relationship we have. so, I thought, it was better not to loan the money at all, than to cause a bigger rift in the family.

[|MINER|]

There was a saying that, earlier anger is better than later anger. It is better not to lend to someone who is untrustworthy and has no ability to repay the loan, no matter how close he is.  I think the op made the right decision and there's no need to be upset about it. He is right from his place, where the other person has severed the family bond by not getting the lend.

[KiaKia]

You've learned, know that if any family members come to lend money from you they always don't have the intention to pay the money back, it is rare to see one that will pay everything they owe you, some will manage to pay half of the money, that's even after you report them to older family members after they pay half of the money they won't pay the rest, this has happened within my family few times and I put a stop to it, now if I have to help any family member, I always give away the money and never expect them to pay back. Assuming the person needs 1000$ from you, you can give them 200$ and tell them that they don't need to pay you back, that this is all you have on you, this won't cause any hate or cruelty between the person, this works better.

[posi]

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

The problem is that it is hard to know which is the right step to take in this case, because if you lend or not, you will lose the relationship regardless of what you decide. If you don't give them a loan, they'll definitely ignore you, and if they can't pay you back, they'll find a way to hide from you, too. In either case, you will lose that relationship in the end. If it were me, I would not lend it to them, I would rather lose one of them than lose both.

[Fakhrulenclix]

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

The problem is that it is hard to know which is the right step to take in this case, because if you lend or not, you will lose the relationship regardless of what you decide. If you don't give them a loan, they'll definitely ignore you, and if they can't pay you back, they'll find a way to hide from you, too. In either case, you will lose that relationship in the end. If it were me, I would not lend it to them, I would rather lose one of them than lose both.

I wish I could imitate your nature, but it's very difficult for me to apply.
I find it hard to say no, that's what often makes me miserable in the future.
when friends or relatives come to borrow money from me, I can often refuse it which in the end I lose the money because many of them cannot return it even though we have struggled to get our money back.
You are right in that in the end we lost both, first our brothers and of course our money.

[AicecreaME]

You made the right decision.

Never ever lend them money especially if you know they are irresponsible people. If he didn't talk to you just because you never lend him money, means he is toxic enough to not have a very much of understanding. That's the toxic trait of most people I guess, they think your money is only for their wants and needs, they never think of like you're saving it for your own good, or your money is already been decided where to spend on to.

I do have a lot of relatives like that, and I don't even care if they hate me or whatever. My life is completely happy even with a lot of haters. Don't let them affect your life, be happy.

[Uruhara]

There was a saying that, earlier anger is better than later anger. It is better not to lend to someone who is untrustworthy and has no ability to repay the loan, no matter how close he is.  I think the op made the right decision and there's no need to be upset about it. He is right from his place, where the other person has severed the family bond by not getting the lend.

so true. because based on the story told by OP we can see that the family members referred to by OP are really people who cannot be trusted. so not giving loans to people like that is the right move. but maybe the OP would feel bad at this point. but that's better than the OP having to endure being upset someday when the person who was given the loan is completely unable to repay the loan.

and the lesson I've seen is that usually if the closest people with bad character and can't be trusted ask us to loan money and we lend to them. then it could be that he will come back not to pay but instead he comes to borrow again.

[SOKO-DEKE]

It is always obvious that I will never lend my money to a person I don't trust, regardless of how condition they may be. Op I won't hold it against you for not lending that your relative money because it might not think of paying it back. In fact, I'm curious how those individuals feel when they borrow money from someone and then refuse to pay it back because I will always worry that if I did that, I might lose access to them in the future if I need their assistance again.

but as for me i hardly lend people money that I can't dash them, because people have teach me a lot of lessons after  they refused to pay me back my money that lend them, especially some relatives members. Infact don't allow money issue join you with some family members , if not you will hardly found peace with them.

[Z390]

Imagine losing money because your family lends from you, I don't know why some people are so wicked that they only care about themselves, if you give up the little you have on you and try to explain why you couldn't help them they will still feel somehow against you, thinking you intentionally don't want to help.

I want to use my family to make an example, it got to a point where I don't ask for favors from my family because they always take favor as debt, one favor will be paid in numbers, rounds, and rounds.

I stopped asking for help from any but still, it doesn't stop me from helping them, I did this because whenever I could not help I can be bold enough to say that I don't have since I still help last month or past weeks.

If they keep coming back, it means they are just using you, and that's when I will start avoiding them for good,

[Supreemo]

Imagine losing money because your family lends from you, I don't know why some people are so wicked that they only care about themselves, if you give up the little you have on you and try to explain why you couldn't help them they will still feel somehow against you, thinking you intentionally don't want to help.

I want to use my family to make an example, it got to a point where I don't ask for favors from my family because they always take favor as debt, one favor will be paid in numbers, rounds, and rounds.

I stopped asking for help from any but still, it doesn't stop me from helping them, I did this because whenever I could not help I can be bold enough to say that I don't have since I still help last month or past weeks.

If they keep coming back, it means they are just using you, and that's when I will start avoiding them for good,

we all have this kind of experience in which we became obligated to explain why we cannot lend money and even with that they will still hate you even after so much explaination, but what can we do? it's their own thought process.

there was even once I was told that I am lucky enough to have money and become what I am today, like how dare you? but I chose to ignore them since I'll be the one looking like an ignorant if I fought back, besides I also thought that humans don't really care about the process or struggles you encounter to be where you are right now, all they care is the end results. it's a bit insulting since they ignored your efforts but that's how it is.

[jenny56]

It's important to trust your instuctor when it comes to lending money, especially to family members. You made the right decision based on your knowledge of your cousin's character.

[Betwrong]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

To me, lending money or not to someone doesn't depend on whether he/she is "trustworthy". Rather, it depends on what amount of money we are talking about. Because if I lent my money to someone I already consider it lost. I don't think three thousand dollars was an insignificant amount for you(for me it definitely isn't), so you did the right thing in my opinion.

Regarding "damaging family bond", imagine how damaged it would be if you lent him the money, and then every time you see him he would be telling you that he can't pay you back.

[CageMabok]

It's important to trust your instincts when it comes to lending money, especially to family members. You made the right decision based on your knowledge of your cousin's character. It's unfortunate that it may have affected your relationship, but ultimately your financial well-being is important too.

It seems less pleasant if lending money must rely on our own instincts for this. Even though everyone who wants to give loans to other people, of course we have to see how he works in making money so we can believe that he is able to pay his debts on time. But if he is an unemployed person with no income, trusting him in terms of lending him money is a mistake because he definitely won't be able to pay it on time even if he is a person of your lineage.

[DainSLane]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

It always difficult when our financial decisions impact our relationships, but it's important to prioritize our own financial security and not compromise on our values. I am glad you stod your ground and stayed true to yourself, even if it caused some discomfort in the short term. It simportant to remember that taking care of our own finances allows us to be in a better position to help others in the future, if and when the situation arises

[Queentoshi]

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

Lending money to a family member is same as doing giveaway, if you have the money to help and deep inside you, he or she need it, why not help him or she, you can tell him you are lending him the money to see if he or she will return it later, but to me with my experience so far, lending money to your family member is better of knowing that you will never get that money back. So I can't because I borrowed my family member money and he refused to pay decide not to help him again. If I have and he or she comes back to me later and ask for help I will  still give but I will remind him or she that the last one I gave you, I didn't get it back so is now left for his or her mind to judge.

[ivankoh]

Anything related to money - borrow/borrow/give will be closely related to the risk of conflict, affection in the family.  Everything has two sides and lending money to related family members can be frustrating.  It's not something we can condemn or accuse, but it's a sensitive decision.  If you help them (family members or loved ones), do you think it can create a sense of dependence?  I will not go into the issue of whether they refund or refuse / refuse or delay, but it is clear that everything has a huge impact on family feelings when it comes to money.