Lending money or damaging family bond ?

[naikturun]

While it's unfortunate that your cousin may be upset with you, it's important to prioritize your own financial stability and not feel obligated to lend money to someone who may not be reliable or trustworthy with repayment. It's also important to communicate clearly with your cousin about your decision and reasons for it, as misunderstandings can arise and worsen the situation.

[mulia sabee]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

refusing to give debt to immediate family is the right choice in my opinion, especially if the family asking you to owe you is someone you recognize that is lazy in paying debts. I think by refusing to give debt, a sustainable harmonious relationship will be maintained. but if you are a capable person compared to the person who is in debt then it would be nice for you to give him a little help as much as you can afford. In my opinion, this is an idea to maintain long-lasting relationships among families

[Renampun]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

the decision you took was absolutely right (by not giving your cousin a loan) however you have to get rid of your discomfort because you haven't done anything wrong, there are still many things thing you should think about so don't ever overthink things that don't deserve to burden your mind.

I once had the same case, I was so kind to my cousin, I lent her a little money but when I asked for that money she always said that it was only small money and why should it be returned, since then I realized that she is a person who does not appreciate my good deeds then if it is related to the money I will no longer help her even though I still maintain a good relationship with her.

[Davidvictorson]

You didn't do any wrong.

People actually get what they deserve especially when their character is weak. You didn't damage any family relationship, you stood your ground and he has no other option than to respect it. Besides, I do not think that you were his last life line. Personally, I believe that if I am to give you something, you must have earned it. The best way to have even help is to recommend him for employment opportunities since he lost his job. It is a better option than giving out money you worked hard for.

[cafee_orange]

If a debtor breaks his promise and does not pay according to the time specified, it is possible that good family relations will crack, but if payment is made on time, then the relationship may be fine.
but mostly if the debt is given to fellow family members themselves, the payment is also often delayed. it's better to avoid giving debt to your own family and replace it by giving as much help as you can

[lousie9]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

when our family or those closest to us borrow money from us, it will actually be very awkward in the end because if we don't help them, we feel bad for them, but if we have helped them and than they don't keep their promise to pay off their debt or just pay off their debt to us. will also feel bad from putting too much pressure on it.
but I think if you think your cousin is someone who can't be trusted then it's only natural if you don't lend him, that's why we have to have good habits towards everyone so that when needed people are willing to help us.
if we lend money to people who cannot be trusted, then that is the same as letting go of our money in my opinion, because one day we too will need the money we loaned.
but that once again depends on each individual person, sometimes there are also people who are okay if they give up their money so they can help their family or those closest to them.

[bosede1]

For me the money I can't give you to take for free I won't loan you because I am playing safe in order to avoid story that touch afterwards, you could have offered him what you have as an assistance within the period and if he oppose, you keep your money and be happy because you did your part.

[Mozzart]

I think everyone once faced such requests from relatives.And the decision to lend them money or not depends only on their reputation.I have been in similar situations when I refused,but referring to the fact that I do not have free money.

[Viscore]

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

Another lesson is that when you lend money to a relative, never expect that they will pay you back.  This often happens within the family and relatives but whatever it takes, I would rather be the one on the giving end than on the receiving end.  I will still lend money even if there is no way to get it back.  He is my relative after all.  We have been generous to our friends, what more to our kin especially when they are in times of trouble.

No matter what @OP situation is I can only conclude that money is more important than his relative because he worries more about the payment than the situation of his cousin.  

He could have lend him some money even at a small amount, at least his cousin will not feel bad at all knowing his finances are doing well. And to think that his cousin is jobless that time, so it’s obvious that he’s in trouble with his finances, lending him even with a minimal amount is a lot help already. I just hope that family would be our first priority, than anything else, particularly with money matters.

[Mr.right85]

Take it or leave it, you did just great in this. Doing it any other way that leads to compromise would be doing it all wrong. Like you've stated, he is already in debt with some corporate organisation and haven't been able to pay that off then, he turns to you... it's just going to be history repeating itself and as family, you won't be able to take actions as you would have liked to. Better to have him have his ideas and perception to what might have been the reason than for you to be in regrets.
Somehow, these guys that arr particulate about taking loans seems to lack the fortitude to understand that, they've been aided and a good turn deserves another.

Other than blaming others for not lending a hand, he should question himself as to why and work in himself to make better of himself. His salvation is within him.

[serjent05]

He could have lend him some money even at a small amount, at least his cousin will not feel bad at all knowing his finances are doing well. And to think that his cousin is jobless that time, so it’s obvious that he’s in trouble with his finances, lending him even with a minimal amount is a lot help already. I just hope that family would be our first priority, than anything else, particularly with money matters.

I agree, lending him a small amount is to make our relative feel that we care.  The guy had already humbled down in approaching us to borrow money.  Not lending him a single cent simply means we don't care and don't want to throw a cent even though we are doing well in our lives.  As I stated, a person in need asking us for help and getting ignored feels abandoned and it adds salt to the injury.

But I think a person has a different view on this as the other prioritized the return of the money while the other sees concerns about the one who is seeking help regardless of past experiences. So I guess whether the action of @OP is right or wrong is subjective.

[bbigtart]

refusing to give debt to immediate family is the right choice in my opinion, especially if the family asking you to owe you is someone you recognize that is lazy in paying debts. I think by refusing to give debt, a sustainable harmonious relationship will be maintained.

I agree with your opinion that refusing to provide debt to immediate family is the right choice, especially if the family asking for the debt is a person who is lazy in paying debts. This can avoid potential conflicts that can damage family relationships

but if you are a capable person compared to the person who is in debt then it would be nice for you to give him a little help as much as you can afford. In my opinion, this is an idea to maintain long-lasting relationships among families

However, it is also important to remember that providing assistance to families in the form of debt must be done with care and discretion. It's best to set clear and realistic terms and terms of return so as not to cause anxiety and stress for both parties.

[xSkylarx]

Then he is not a true relatives because if he is then he will not take it personally. You did the right move because if ever that you lend him money how would you get it back right ? For sure are having difficulty getting it to him or more worse he will stoll get angry with you as you keep asking the money.  Dont worry on him because he ain't the one feeding you if he doesn't want to talk to you then you should do the same on him too

[Iroh]

I think everyone once faced such requests from relatives.And the decision to lend them money or not depends only on their reputation.I have been in similar situations when I refused,but referring to the fact that I do not have free money.

Yes, a lot of people probably must have gone though such an experience of a family member or a close friend requesting for a loan and in a lot of cases, those requests have been either politely declined due to legitimate fears of not being paid back. Obviously, the decision to part with your money solely depends on the reputation of the person.
Lots of relationships have been lost due to lending of money. I hope people quickly realize the fact that with the worsening economic situation globally, money is getting harder to come by and the amount sitting in the bank is slowly but steadily losing some of its value. 

[fuer44]

I have a suggestion for those of you who are often visited by your relatives or your best friends to borrow your money. If the first borrow they want to return, I think its okay. But if him don't return it and come a second time, just say "I'd rather give you money than lend you because i don't have much money". In this case for example he wants to borrow $ 100, then just give him $ 10 as a gift, so you and he are not burdened with debt problems.

Because after all, relatives or friends who want to borrow money from you must really need it. On the one hand you don't want to lose a lot of money because in the end he doesn't want to give it back, on the other hand there are people closest to you who must be helped. So just give him 10% of the total money he wants to borrow.

[Wildwest]

Nowadays it is very difficult to trust someone to give a loan even if it is our relatives or family, because at the time of collection is always a problem and in the end the relationship does not get along anymore, and this is indeed what we have often felt, and I think your decision is indeed very suitable not to give loans to your relatives because later it can damage family relationships, But if he is an honest person and can occupy appointments, then when in need of such help, it never hurts to help each other.

[DOH!]

When you are a relative, it is easy to know your personality, lifestyle, and level of trust.
For this matter, I think each person will have their own decision. Personally, I would choose the opportunity to help those close to me whom I feel, observe, or hear of who are completely trustworthy and of good character. And back. We should not be too lenient but also should not be too selfish with accounts that lend to our loved ones because helping them is a good thing.

[posi]

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

The problem is that it is hard to know which is the right step to take in this case, because if you lend or not, you will lose the relationship regardless of what you decide. If you don't give them a loan, they'll definitely ignore you, and if they can't pay you back, they'll find a way to hide from you, too. In either case, you will lose that relationship in the end. If it were me, I would not lend it to them, I would rather lose one of them than lose both.

I wish I could imitate your nature, but it's very difficult for me to apply.
I find it hard to say no, that's what often makes me miserable in the future.
when friends or relatives come to borrow money from me, I can often refuse it which in the end I lose the money because many of them cannot return it even though we have struggled to get our money back.
You are right in that in the end we lost both, first our brothers and of course our money.

I am very decisive and decisive in lending money to my relatives, and all money-related jobs involve my relatives. Because just by making the wrong decision, we will lose them and many other things. But I used to be like you, I lost a few brothers and some friends because it was related to lending money and asking for money. Since then, I have been very frank in everything, I declare that for those who cannot afford to pay, it is best never to ask for a loan from me because doing so is difficult for the borrower and me. Better to lose heart first than lose both by lending them money without knowing if they will return it to you.

[LogitechMouse]

~

You just did a great job not lending your cousin.
If you feel that he/she will not pay you in the future then what's the reason why you lend money to him/her. Trust hasn't been there. It's like those banks where if you have a low credit score, they see you as untrustworthy therefore, they will not let you borrow.

Lucky for me, I didn't encounter that kind of scenario as well. Maybe because I'm good at keeping my assets, and I'm not sharing anything that's related to my money to anybody here (even to my own family ). Don't get affected if he doesn't talk to you anymore because after all, you see him as an untrustworthy person. If you are affected that much because of your decision, you can try and approach him and lend him a few dollars to at least build the trust.

[Maxre]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

You are right in your ways but I will say that people who cannot manage their expenses and also business strategy and also their Saving, they always get ruined. And I want to say that there has been similar occasion with me as my cousin asked to lend me some 50 or 100 dollar as he want to buy a phone as he has also some savings. I asked him to save more money and buy because lend from someone and than buy something is not good. And also I knew him that he was corrupt and do not return money too.