Lending money or damaging family bond ?

[Kasabus]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

He cannot blame you for your actions as you cannot blame him too from behaving that way because he is just a victim of the situation. He has lost his job thats why he is not really in a good position right now. But if you can spare him some money that you are not using, I guess that could somewhat help him to lessen what he’s feeling right now. In the end, being untrustworthy is a choice, he can always change it if he will be given the right opportunities and chances in his life, and you could be an instrument for that.

[1714900949]

1714900949

[Quidat]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

He cannot blame you for your actions as you cannot blame him too from behaving that way because he is just a victim of the situation. He has lost his job thats why he is not really in a good position right now. But if you can spare him some money that you are not using, I guess that could somewhat help him to lessen what he’s feeling right now. In the end, being untrustworthy is a choice, he can always change it if he will be given the right opportunities and chances in his life, and you could be an instrument for that.

If you are on someones foot to those who are in struggle then it cant really be avoided for you to get mad on someone who hadnt just help you on the time you do need but you shouldnt
really be that close minded on why he had done that too on which it is normal to have thoughts that you might not be able to repay those amounts in due time.Yes, we are on a hard situation
which needed up to be understand but we know that earning and lending money couldnt really be that simple on where you could just simply agree without having those
reconsiderations.

[Distinctin]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Money should never outweighs the relationship of a family. That should be the proper way, but in reality what is happening is the contradiction. However in this situation shared by OP, his cousin is only lending some money because he is not earning anymore from his job. And he thinks you are the answer to that. But you know he is not a trustworthy person, so you never lend him the money which I think that’s also your own decision. Well, you have not done wrong actually, what you feel is a little bit worried and maybe your conscience is somewhat triggering you. You might have lend him some money and be able to help him, but you chose to disregard him and instead you expect him to learn his lesson.

[Dr.Bitcoin_Strange]

I just borrowed "money" to a friend to send his daughter for drug rehabilitation and I know the chance of her recovery are very low, but I did it any way. He will most probably not be able to pay me back, but I have more value in his friendship than what money can buy.

Sometimes... you have to focus on what are the most important in your life, not in what money can do for you. I know, if I ever run into trouble... those people will be the only ones that might support me, but if they do not do that.. it will still be OK. 

The favour you showed was great, but some people take support or help for granted. Some people only think they can need your help all the time, but when you request their help, you can't get it.

Imagine if you are running a business and some distant cousin asked you to lend them some money for some important stuff and after you have lent them the money they never pay back, of course you will not be happy and you might not have the heart to lend to them next time. People sometimes act in a way that makes you lose trust in them, so that's just the whole case, but if you lend them money and they return it, next time you will happily lend to them again. Unless you are just so kind and gift them the money, money lent to someone is meant to be returned.

[passwordnow]

You haven't damaged your family bond but it was your cousin that did it.

I had a similar bitter experience,only I lent money to a relative and of course he did not return it to me The amount was a little less, but it was enough for me to understand what kind of person he was.Now,when one of the relatives asks to borrow money, I suggest that they take a loan in bank.There are only a few people who deserve my trust.

It did happen to most of us. When they asked us for some money that they want to borrow, they were cool and very kind to us but in times for the collection of their debt. They're the ones who even have the guts to get mad at us because they're still short and didn't fulfill the promise of paying at the right time. Well, there's the saying that if you want to test someone and want to get rid of them, lend them some money.

[stomachgrowls]

I just borrowed "money" to a friend to send his daughter for drug rehabilitation and I know the chance of her recovery are very low, but I did it any way. He will most probably not be able to pay me back, but I have more value in his friendship than what money can buy.

Sometimes... you have to focus on what are the most important in your life, not in what money can do for you. I know, if I ever run into trouble... those people will be the only ones that might support me, but if they do not do that.. it will still be OK. 

The favour you showed was great, but some people take support or help for granted. Some people only think they can need your help all the time, but when you request their help, you can't get it.

Imagine if you are running a business and some distant cousin asked you to lend them some money for some important stuff and after you have lent them the money they never pay back, of course you will not be happy and you might not have the heart to lend to them next time. People sometimes act in a way that makes you lose trust in them, so that's just the whole case, but if you lend them money and they return it, next time you will happily lend to them again. Unless you are just so kind and gift them the money, money lent to someone is meant to be returned.

This is where and what people are tending to avoid on which on the time that they are on need and to those people who you gave help wayback doesnt really bothered out themselves on repaying the favour.

Yes, we arent expecting for some return but we do know that we cant really be on tip top shape forever which means that there might be a time comes that we would be needing some help.
Not in forms of money or fiat but also in other others which we might really be needing some support or whatsover.

This is why some do make out some advance thinking that they should really be that giving out those limitations on early manner.

[Dickiy]

In essence, if someone we lend can be trusted, there is no reason not to lend money if you can afford to lend that money. if someone you don't trust borrows money it's better not to lend it because it will affect yourself from your financial side both within your family or other people, especially if you don't have collateral to pay, I think it will make it difficult for you in the future to get your money back.
But yes, there are some people who give up their money for family relationships, and even that is not wrong, in my opinion, depending on the orientation of each other's thoughts.

[mich]

I do not think you have done anything wrong here. It does not matter to me if you are family if you are not trustworthy then it is too risky for me to lend you money.

It becomes complicated with family members wanting a loan. Hard to say no when we know they can use the money. I did loan money to my mother RIP but did not ever ask her to pay back the loan. But this can not be the same situation for a relative like a cousin.

[gunhell16]

I think many of the communities here on the forum can relate to what you are saying. And if there is any reason why you don't trust him, it's not his fault, besides, he's also borrowing a large amount of money.

And from what I have seen, the person you refused to lend money to has a bad attitude. If I look at the situation, he was the one who had the urge to be angry with you while he was the one who would lend you money when he needed you, that's why he failed in his goal with you, which could be the reason why he doesn't talk to you but Did you ask him why he doesn't talk to you, dude?

[lienfaye]

As you've said your cousin is not trustworthy, that means he is not the type of person that is true to his words. For me, you made the right decision to not lend him money. Because it is likely that he will just ignore you when the time comes you're already asking him to pay.

Moreover it doesn't feel good to lend money then this particular person won't pay you. Your trust and relation towards the person would not be the same again. It's hard to earn money so it's just right to refuse if you feel the one asking for it is not deserving.

[Rockstarguy]

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Money has killed many good relationships in family. People needs to be very careful in money with relatives. As far as you know your cousin very well, knowing fully if you lend him the money he is not going to get back to you. Your decision for not lending him is the best because it will surely turn out to be serious problem. When relatives who are not honest with their words ask for money for borrow, it is better to assist them with the little you have for free or not lending money than to give them knowing fully well that they will not pay back for the sake of peace to reign. When we know relatives who are not honest in their word when it comes to money,  it is important we do not fall into them doing good that will later become a problem.

[Retainly_Collie]

A rather sensitive issue about family relationships or in society, I have also met a number of cases where relatives borrowed money to invest in other asset portfolios. But when I talk directly, I see that they are making a mistake because only investing through a broker is not proactive.
I once saw a funny story about borrowing money. If I lend you money I will lose both you and the money, but if I don't lend you money I only lose a friend and the money remains.
I personally also look at the problem as positively as possible, help people most effectively without necessarily involving money, sometimes it is worth more than losing money, pointing out the mistakes of new people and strengthen yourself.

[Kodok Bencot]

Debt problems are serious so that they can break up with relatives and even family, debt is very sensitive and I suggest not to be in debt to family, it's better to owe to other people, especially now that there are more and more online loan applications that we can use when we really need money.

[Mario Yamasaki]

Changing times have made family values disappear, humans get angry and offended easily because of small things, many people even have to lose family members because of debt problems, sometimes debt problems are considered trivial because the person who owes does not want to pay while the one giving the debt is impatient.

[19Nov16]

Nowadays many people are individualists, they no longer care about religious or family values, when debts occur they don't care anymore about family values, almost every day we encounter news about murders caused by debt problems, the best thing is when there is a family that is in debt provide convenience and even free the debt.

[Mauser]

A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

That's a big red flag and it's good that you didn't lend him money. In my opinion it's best to keep. Family and money seperated as long as it's not emergency. In a life or death situation I would do anything for my family, but in other cases I would be reluctant to give a lot of money. It also depend on how wealthy our family, for an average family where we have to work hard for our money it's not easy to lend large amounts of money. Just by his reaction you already know that you made the right decision. Who knows when he would have repaid you, or maybe he would assume because you are family that he doesn't have to repay you. This creates a very annoying situation where you would have to run after your money, better to avoid such issues in the first place.

[Inwestour]

That's a big red flag and it's good that you didn't lend him money. In my opinion it's best to keep. Family and money seperated as long as it's not emergency. In a life or death situation I would do anything for my family, but in other cases I would be reluctant to give a lot of money. It also depend on how wealthy our family, for an average family where we have to work hard for our money it's not easy to lend large amounts of money. Just by his reaction you already know that you made the right decision. Who knows when he would have repaid you, or maybe he would assume because you are family that he doesn't have to repay you. This creates a very annoying situation where you would have to run after your money, better to avoid such issues in the first place.

To some extent, this is respect for the family, because the one who takes care of his family will worry about good relations and making the family members feel comfortable. I know that this is the case in my family, and if someone makes such a request to me, I will know that this is a really difficult situation and I will help, but this is because such situations in my family are extremely rare, because everyone is worried about good relations.

If the situation is different and it can be abused, then you need to learn to recognize this, since this will only exacerbate the relationship in the end.

[inthelongrun]

~

That would really suck. I get the habit of welcoming others, but maybe not being to the point of you being the doormat. Regardless of any amount, the trust was already lost at that point and you even mentioned that you're not rich. Having a money lent to someone is just like an investment of you thinking that the money you gave will surely be losses and you would not get it back regardless.

This is why I also do not really want to lend. I hate chasing people to pay and I don't really enjoy interacting with people that are trying to test my patience. It is either I would not talk to you at all anymore or I would talk to you in a one-liner to end the communication there and never ever hear anything from me again.

And to think that many of them are non-interest bearing especially to close friends and relatives. I am not into lending as well, but there are times that are unexpected and you feel like you need to help them and thought you can trust them. Then all of a sudden you realized they aren't the person you are expecting.

I also have the same personality as you. I do not want to collect my receivables as they are supposed to be the ones to come to me and pay. And that's really what happened, I am staying away from them and avoiding further conversations. 

[soramon]

I have been felt a lot situation like that. I've learn if you cant trust somebody will pay their debt just dont do it. Instead give some money that you can afford and tell them to not repay it. You not worry about your money anymore and your relationship is not broken because of money.

[Docnaster]

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place