I don't have any clue wtf to do now.
I bought my first btc at around 680 because there were "cheap coins."
I bought more on the way down to 500 to "cost average"
I put almost my entire savings at 480
Then everyone said if it broke 400 we were screwed and there was NO good news from China at all so I sold at 399.
So wtf do I do now? I've lost thousands and the money hasn't hit my bank account so I can't even buy back in. Wtf do i do?
You already did the wrong thing by going all in or all out.. in my thinking.
You have to chose what to do based on your own risk profile and goals and diversification with other investments.
Even if you buy all back in now, there is no guarantee that the price is gonna continue to go up and you may lose again. I started buying at $1200 and my average buy in price is $613-ish including fees. Sure I am still in the red, and I have more fiat to buy more.. but at times I have felt very stretched.. so I am glad that the market is finally going back up... but still NO guarantees with any of this.
I would begin a more sensible strategy that works for you and that you do NOT engage in panic buying or panic selling.. your strategy may differ from mine, but you need to find the one that works for you.
To the OP. I have never agreed with JayJuanGee on any major point. But he is correct here.
The most important lesson is patience. Patience lessons are expensive ones, but they're lessons you rarely forget. I have sold at the bottom in the past, I make mostly successful trades but have also made some serious errors.
We may need to have a virtual man hug, here...

I have made quite a few mistakes, but I try to make them within a tolerance level that is acceptable to me... for example, i may buy or sell 1 bitcoin, even though I have ability to buy or sell 10 bitcoins at that moment. It's a form of hedging my bet within my tolerance. Sometimes it pays off pretty well, and other times, I could have gotten a higher payout. Anyhow, that largely suits my style... unless I feel that I really know the variables and probabilities.
I know some other people who subscribe to an all or nothing approach and follow that. Sometimes they get very lucky, but I do NOT have psychological tolerance to follow such a method. Now, of course, there are rare situations in which all or nothing is the only reasonable choice based on the situation and the knowledge that i have about that particular decision.... and we each have to determine for ourselves which situations fit the all or nothing or the gradual approach for us.