I was once going camping for a weekend so decided to grab enough burger King to last the weekend but didn't want it to get all soggy in the cooler like they do.
So I told the counter person to give me 10 Whoppers unmade and she said I can't do that.
After a fruitless argument I told her to get the manager.
The manager said the same thing and no amount of explaining it didn't matter if it was made or not i'm buyying the same thing.
The manager also refused to budge until I said "I WANT IT MY WAY!".
The manager acquiesced.
True story, glad I remembered that catch phrase.
Whoppers on a bonfire were damn good.
My first job in the 80s was BK. The manager, a hot tempered Persian "gentleman" was teaching me how to use the broiler. The broiler is something you could teach a monkey to use. Here is the basic idea. It is a stainless steel conveyor belt that runs through a gas powered grill. You put frozen burger patties on the receiving side, and they come out the other side perfectly "flame broiled". Boom. You then hand them off to the next monkey who puts them in a bun with mayo, ketchup, 4 pickle slices, lettuce, tomato and onion (often cheese). OR, as you mentioned, whatever way "Have it your way" means. Maybe robots do all this now, but in the 80s this is how it worked. Also, I really liked the chicken sandwiches, which you fried in the french fry grease. Oh my God. I ate so many of those delicious things right out of the fryer. But that is a different story.
So, he put the burgers in the broiler and said, "When these come out, you will see they are perfect, and THEN I want you to put some RIGHT in exactly the same way!"
But here is the catch. I was, am am an asshole... and there was a dial on the side of the "broiler" that had a marking. It was obvious what this dial did. It changed the speed of the conveyor belt.
While he was loading up his patties I turned the dial to all the way clockwise.
Whee!
We stood there a few moments waiting for the perfect flame broiled patties and making simple conversation... me sounding like the average 15 year old, and him sounding angry that he had ended up a Burger King manager in middle age standing there training some privileged American 15 year old. But, he was trying to sound happy I guess.
Then his patties started to emerge from the 'broiler'. And as he had instructed me, as soon as his "perfect" burgers were exiting the broiler, I went and loaded up my 4 or so patties. But on the way back I very subtly turned the dial back to the carefully placed mark (in sharpie) on the controls.
"WAIT! Something is very wrong!", he exclaimed, "Do not put your burgers on here yet!"
"I already have, sir! I am sorry."
"Damn! OK, OK! Well... you have most certainly ruined 4 more patties, but we will wait and see." he conceded.
He was looking down with his face all scrunched up at four red, droopy unfrozen patties, not really cooked at all, but melted and falling down between the links of the conveyor. He hastily picked themn off the belt throwing them into an empty Whopper box, and then came back to the feeding end of the machine. I saw him glance at the dials... all properly set to their places - marked with permanent ink. Then he quickly looked at the patties I had placed on the steel conveyor, but they were already too far into the works of the thing to be rescued.
"Tsk. tsk. tsk, probably more patties wasted... something is wrong here... but we will see".
We did not make much conversation this time. He was done trying to be nice to some 15 year old brat (and rightfully so).
After a few moments, my burgers emerged. Perfect. Brown. Glistening. I have to admit... the sharpie mark had been placed exactly correctly!
The managers eyebrows slowly raised to ridiculous heights. "Well, good!", he said, "I guess something was just momentarily wrong.", and then he went back to load up the broiler with burgers one more time. I think he crammed six in, perhaps to make up for the loss of the first four.
He was too engrossed in making them fit perfectly to notice that I strafed slightly right and quickly & subtly turned the dial back to it's clockwise apex again.
Then... I only had to wait another 3 minutes or so for the coup de grâce. I have to say... to this day the memory of it is glorious.
_____________________________________________
I know, I know... I was an asshole. This guy though. He was the terror of so many 15 year olds... a sad and angry man. He ended up being arrested for pulling a handgun on people in the dining area who had broken a salt shaker.
And still, to this day I wonder if I was at least in part responsible for their terror...
The other stories I could tell... about the orange juices.. or the pitcher of eggs and the walk in freezer.
Poor guy.
If there is a heaven ... and our actions are taken into any account whatsoever... these things are not actions in the plus column for old cAPS.
PS. I love your idea! Frankly Burger King is SO under rated!!! Maiking them over a campfire? As long as you have the dial set right, they would be amazing!
Poll
