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Author Topic: Make me laugh for a bitcent  (Read 33763 times)
nefanon
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September 27, 2011, 06:10:29 PM
 #281

Decided I wanted to help out some newbies, so make me laugh and you'll earn a bitcent. I don't laugh easily, though, so it's going to be hard, and you most likely won't succeed. I'll try and go easy on you, so if I think it's funny enough, but I still don't laugh, I might send you a bitcent anyway.

Is this offer still open? If not please close this thread  Smiley
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bullionfk
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September 29, 2011, 07:25:02 AM
 #282

"When I die, please bury me face down so that you can kiss my ass."
3btc
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November 05, 2012, 10:46:34 AM
 #283

Is this offer still open? If not please close this thread  Smiley

Nah, don't close, never! It's a nice thread that deserves to be kept alive.

So, here's my contribution:



Quote
40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland sunbathe
35 degrees - Italian cars won't start. People in Scotland drive with the windows down.
20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.
15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Scotland go swimming in the sea.
0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on. People in Scotland have a last barby before it gets cold
-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct. People in Scotland lick flagpoles.
-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico. People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.
-80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic. Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival excercise until it gets cold enough
-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Scotland wear a vest and pull down their ear flaps.
-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Scotland are angry 'cos they can't thaw their whiskey kegs.
-250 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt. Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
-273 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops. People in Scotland start saying " A bit hill billy ... eh?
-1500 degrees - Hell freezes over. Scottish people support England in the European Championships



Grin And if you like: 1JgNHJrM8oshSKxVzRozEhA2QdHBWQ2ipR
Aahzman
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November 05, 2012, 11:59:01 AM
 #284

Two rednecks, Bubba and Joe-Bob,  are sitting on a porch watching a dog lick its balls.

Bubba sez to Joe-Bob "Dang! I wish I could do that..."

Joe-Bob sez "You could try, but I don't think he'd let ya..."

1EcTa2LTPzrSqeB3hDjG2hdVhoKdWGexaW
3btc
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November 05, 2012, 12:59:23 PM
 #285

Thanks Aahzman, didn't see that end coming - had to laugh, so one bitcent sent Smiley

More:



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deepceleron
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November 05, 2012, 01:31:37 PM
 #286


MinorMiner
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November 05, 2012, 05:00:00 PM
 #287

Did you hear Darth Vader is single again? If you ask me, he’s been looking for love in Alderaan places.

Which Imperial commander was afraid of swimming? Darth Wader.

Star Wars fans are a fairly unhappy bunch. For every one that’s content you “see three P-O’d”

How did the astromech droid get around the road work? He took an R2-Detour.

What do you call a Tattooine coffee shop? Java the Hutt.

What movie were you watching when your VW was recalled? Return of the Jetta.

Were the deserts of Luke’s youth havens for body art? Yes, there was lots of Tattoine.


All contributions gratefully received 1G6Wia22Jnpz2DUisA5EoAC6KJ7MHm6QyP
abrkn
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November 05, 2012, 07:19:23 PM
 #288

I started vanitygen on my work's 32 core production (that hosts like a hundred VMs) and let it run without knowing it would use 100% CPU on all cores. Fucking fail. Or was it? 1abrknajSFpnz7MHjLkVnuvCbwd96wSYt

keybase.io/abrkn/key.asc
MinorMiner
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November 05, 2012, 07:32:15 PM
 #289

I started vanitygen on my work's 32 core production (that hosts like a hundred VMs) and let it run without knowing it would use 100% CPU on all cores. Fucking fail. Or was it? 1abrknajSFpnz7MHjLkVnuvCbwd96wSYt

Are you still employed? Because THAT would be an awesome punchline.

"Plz send to bitcoin address, since I am now unemployed" Cheesy

All contributions gratefully received 1G6Wia22Jnpz2DUisA5EoAC6KJ7MHm6QyP
Aahzman
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November 05, 2012, 07:41:22 PM
 #290

A man and a boy are hiking through the woods one day.  As the day goes on, they get deeper and deeper into the forest, and the man shows no signs of turning around to head back.   Finally, the boy pipes up:

"Geeze, mister, it's getting pretty dark out here and I'm starting to get kinda scared."

The guy replies:

"*You're* scared? What about me? I've gotta walk all the way back out of here by myself..."

1EcTa2LTPzrSqeB3hDjG2hdVhoKdWGexaW
Aahzman
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November 05, 2012, 07:44:57 PM
 #291

What do a gynocologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common?

They can smell it, but they can't eat it.

1EcTa2LTPzrSqeB3hDjG2hdVhoKdWGexaW
Aahzman
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November 05, 2012, 07:47:22 PM
 #292

Little Johnny was in his back yard, digging a hole.

His neighbor looks over the fence and asked "Hey Johnny, whatcha doing?"

Johnny replies "My goldfish died, so I'm burying him."

The neighbor takes a look at the size of the hole and comments "But why do you need such a big hole for a goldfish?"

Johnny glares at the neighbor "Because he's inside your fucking cat!"



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C10H15N
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November 05, 2012, 08:17:20 PM
 #293


Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked. -Warren Buffett
BTC 13z2EbJZXiowXasHRMVRcRzCiGwPAit6KK    Ð D7KqkUtMVz5uUw8k3usRj2hHbBHvyP5UXp    Ł Lh5o6Zy51AF3yodWBNjiABW7DfamVVvZqh
helloworld
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November 06, 2012, 12:24:31 AM
 #294

Let's go to the party dressed as a dinosaur.

I'll be the front end, and you just be yourself.

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November 06, 2012, 12:27:57 AM
 #295

The bartender said "We don't serve faster than light neutrinos here."

A neutrino walked into a bar.

Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked. -Warren Buffett
BTC 13z2EbJZXiowXasHRMVRcRzCiGwPAit6KK    Ð D7KqkUtMVz5uUw8k3usRj2hHbBHvyP5UXp    Ł Lh5o6Zy51AF3yodWBNjiABW7DfamVVvZqh
stick
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November 06, 2012, 12:32:44 AM
 #296

A tcp packet walks into a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “so, you want a beer?” and tcp packet says “yes, i want a beer”.

Aahzman
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November 06, 2012, 01:18:12 AM
 #297

A tcp packet walks into a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “so, you want a beer?” and tcp packet says “yes, i want a beer”.

*LOL* nice network geek humor.
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November 06, 2012, 02:46:39 PM
 #298

What do Charlie Sheen and Bruce Willis have in common?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ashton Kutcher has filled both their slots.

Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked. -Warren Buffett
BTC 13z2EbJZXiowXasHRMVRcRzCiGwPAit6KK    Ð D7KqkUtMVz5uUw8k3usRj2hHbBHvyP5UXp    Ł Lh5o6Zy51AF3yodWBNjiABW7DfamVVvZqh
xx78213
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November 06, 2012, 04:35:52 PM
 #299

Ryland R. Taylor-Almanza
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November 07, 2012, 07:30:13 AM
 #300

Is this offer still open? If not please close this thread  Smiley
I won't be sending out anymore bitcents for a while, but I'd like to keep the thread open because there have been a few times in this thread where other people have decided to help out and sent money. I'll edit the op post tomorrow when I'm not so tired. Smiley
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