Make me laugh for a bitcent

[the joint]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNZczIgVXjg

A must see.

[1713894857]

1713894857

[1713894857]

1713894857

[max in montreal]

girl: my man said "BITCH, go make me a sandwich!" when i told him to walk my lap dog. does anyone know a good comeback?

me: well you better come back with my fucking sandwich!

[leeloulee]

puddin

[BCDuke]

A man asks a magician "do you own any bit-coins?".

"Why ofcourse!" answers the magician.

The magician then proceeds as following: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LirXgjuhqNQ



12EF6b8X53MB6WcfTCdXhAoAAj6L5gku39

[Tuxi]

This made me laugh today

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeRIrzFvEz0&feature=player_embedded

1HJpeXnA9G9MP4JpSZfunuTfaVqtYr8bSB

[gibson042]

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart . What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!


1HhxKthxXPum7uSfT1zn8zDr6JScTZ338L

[legolouman]

So two BTC miners are sitting in a bar. One asks the other, "how did you get your BTC fortune?"

"Never mind"




Get it? Never mined, as in he bought his coins.

[Giro]

http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/908/1294806905650.png
12BikY3Kky9v4qAMfHif8HKxcabMhCjdsT

[tiberiandusk]

[Bert]

[goodlord666]

So two BTC miners are sitting in a bar. One asks the other, "how did you get your BTC fortune?"

"Never mind"

Get it? Never mined, as in he bought his coins.

If you're going to reuse my joke at least do it RIGHT for chrissakes

I just sent you a bitcent..

[Desolator]

You should send me bitcoins because Usain Bolt stole my TV



or at least support the dancing doggie

[MrWizard]

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.... "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

[indicasteve]

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

[Jepito]

Decided I wanted to help out some newbies, so make me laugh and you'll earn a bitcent. I don't laugh easily, though, so it's going to be hard, and you most likely won't succeed. I'll try and go easy on you, so if I think it's funny enough, but I still don't laugh, I might send you a bitcent anyway.

what do you call 4 Muslim Hijackers hanged from a tree... till their dead



a Mississippi wind chime

[helloworld]

"Ya know, when I was 25 and got a woody, I couldn’t bend it with both hands.
By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried real hard.
By the time I was 60, I could bend it 20 degrees, no problem.
I’m gonna be 70 next week, and I can bend it in half with just one hand."

"So, what’s your point?"

"Well, I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get!?"

[codymanix]

Jack was a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. After years of being taken for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the Client/Server programmers and website developers, he was finally getting some respect. He'd become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000 conversions.

Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had taken its toll on Jack. He began having anxiety dreams about the Year 2000. All he could think about was how he could avoid the year 2000 and all that came with it.

Jack decided to contact a company that specialized in cryogenics. He made a deal to have himself frozen until March 15th, 2000. The next thing he would know is he'd wake up in the year 2000; after the New Year celebrations and computer debacles; after the leap day. Nothing else to worry about except getting on with his life.

He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set the revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to a bare minimum, and that was that.

The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very modern room filled with excited people. They were all shouting "I can't believe it!" and "It's a miracle" and "He's alive!". There were cameras (unlike any he'd ever seen) and equipment that looked like it came out of a science fiction movie.

Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group stepped forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "Is it over?" he asked. "Is the year 2000 already here? Are all the millennial parties and promotions and crises all over and done with?"

The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic receptacle, it hadn't been year 2000 compliant. It was actually eight thousand years later, not the year 2000. Technology had advanced to such a degree that everyone had virtual reality interfaces which allowed them to contact anyone else on the planet.

"That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But I'm curious. Why is everybody so interested in me?"

"Well," said the spokesman. "The year 10000 is just around the corner, and it says in your files that you know COBOL".

[nefanon]

Decided I wanted to help out some newbies, so make me laugh and you'll earn a bitcent. I don't laugh easily, though, so it's going to be hard, and you most likely won't succeed. I'll try and go easy on you, so if I think it's funny enough, but I still don't laugh, I might send you a bitcent anyway.

Is this offer still open? If not please close this thread 

[bullionfk]

"When I die, please bury me face down so that you can kiss my ass."

[3btc]

Is this offer still open? If not please close this thread 

Nah, don't close, never! It's a nice thread that deserves to be kept alive.

So, here's my contribution:

40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland sunbathe
35 degrees - Italian cars won't start. People in Scotland drive with the windows down.
20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.
15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Scotland go swimming in the sea.
0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on. People in Scotland have a last barby before it gets cold
-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct. People in Scotland lick flagpoles.
-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico. People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.
-80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic. Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival excercise until it gets cold enough
-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Scotland wear a vest and pull down their ear flaps.
-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Scotland are angry 'cos they can't thaw their whiskey kegs.
-250 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt. Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
-273 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops. People in Scotland start saying " A bit hill billy ... eh?
-1500 degrees - Hell freezes over. Scottish people support England in the European Championships

And if you like: 1JgNHJrM8oshSKxVzRozEhA2QdHBWQ2ipR