The Pun & Fun Thread

[deisik]

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut

[BADecker]

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut

But put a hole in the middle so that you can at least smoke.

 

[deisik]

I got a new remote last week and let me tell you, this thing changes everything

[deisik]

One of the darkest times in my life was when I forgot to pay the electricity bill

When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now I’m scared of the lights when I see my electricity bill

[deisik]

I came home and found that my kids have been on eBay all day. If they're still there tomorrow, I'll lower the price

[deisik]

My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister

[deisik]

I used to get heartburn every time I ate cake until my doctor told me to take the candles off first

[deisik]

I memorized six pages of the dictionary, and learned next to nothing

[deisik]

I knew the psychic was no good when she accepted my check

[deisik]

Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame they never meet

[BADecker]

Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame they never meet

Paint and run.



"You could say that this was a typical case of “not my job, not my problem” (or rather, “not my roadkill, not my problem” would be more fitting). However, local resident Loren Lewis testifies that Tulsa’s roadkill cleanup problem is a huge task for anyone to take on: “There’s a h*ll of a lot of animals here. If somebody went around picking them all up, they wouldn’t have anything else to do.”"

[deisik]

1776: Make America Great Britain again

[BADecker]

1776: Make America Great Britain again

Make America Great Again?

[deisik]

I memorized six pages of the dictionary, and learned next to nothing

But words cannot express how limited my vocabulary is

[deisik]

She got good looks from her father, who was a plastic surgeon

[BADecker]

She got good looks from her father, who was a plastic surgeon

That's a meat cleaver, not an ax. So, I guess it isn't Lizzy Borden. Besides, was Lizzy a blonde?

[deisik]

The word "abbreviation" is a really long one for what it's trying to achieve

[deisik]

An invisible man married an invisible woman, and the kids were nothing to look at, either

[BADecker]

An invisible man married an invisible woman, and the kids were nothing to look at, either

They have 4 string-players in the Bond Band. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bond_(string_quartet)

[deisik]

I started eating an apple every day and now my doctor refuses to see me

The worst part of an apple addiction is that you can't see a doctor about it