What to do if you're crazy about a girl that has a boyfriend?

[BrightAnarchist]

It sucks, any advice?

[nobbynobbynoob]

Accept it and fold. That's life (and that's poker).

Yes, it sucks, says the single man who's over 30. That's life.

[Vod]

Stab him in the chest - just don't get caught. 

[01BTC10]

Kill the girl just don't get caught. 

[weex]

The fact that her boyfriend is not you may be a character flaw. Move on.

[Blazr]

Plenty of fish in the sea...

[BrightAnarchist]

Wow, all such great advice: fold, kill the guy, or kill the girl.

I'm thinking the best approach is to treat it like a background thread... drop some hints and monitor the situation, but generally speaking try not to bet on it and so keep on the lookout for something new.

It's easier said than done though... this one's a keeper. Dammit, this sucks monkey f*ck.

[BrightAnarchist]

The fact that her boyfriend is not you may be a character flaw. Move on.

That occurred to me as well lol! But I just met her a few weeks ago. Damn, if I had met her two months ago then I might have had a shot.

[nobbynobbynoob]

The fact that her boyfriend is not you may be a character flaw. Move on.

+1

[dank]

Follow your heart, you'll know when you find your soulmate.

[jasinlee]

Patience, most men are inherently stupid in their decisions, if they happen to break up when you are still single, then be a friend when shes looking for a friend.

[BrightAnarchist]

Follow your heart, you'll know when you find your soulmate.

Hey, I like that. Keep it organic

Patience, most men are inherently stupid in their decisions, if they happen to break up when you are still single, then be a friend when shes looking for a friend.

Exactly my thoughts. I'm just waiting for the buffalo in the field to show signs of weakness, and then I'll pounce.

[Herodes]

If you can, talk to her about her situation and her relationship.

If she has kids and she's a long term comitted relationship, then just fold and move on.

If she's with some dude and haven't been with him for too long, what do you have to lose?

But this could also be a test of character, if you can take her away from a man, then another man probably can take her away from you!

Or, if you look at it from another angle, what if you were with her already, would you've liked that another man tried to take her away from you ?

Also make sure the guy she's with is not the kind of guy that'll ambush you in one of your jogging tours in the woods, smash in the back of your head with a hammer, and bury you.


Well, seriously, just circle around the port, if there's an opening (she getting single), then move in - everything else is mostly a shit move. But who am I to judge, in love and war, everything is allowed..

[BrightAnarchist]

If you can, talk to her about her situation and her relationship.

If she has kids and she's a long term comitted relationship, then just fold and move on.

If she's with some dude and haven't been with him for too long, what do you have to lose?

But this could also be a test of character, if you can take her away from a man, then another man probably can take her away from you!

Or, if you look at it from another angle, what if you were with her already, would you've liked that another man tried to take her away from you ?

Also make sure the guy she's with is not the kind of guy that'll ambush you in one of your jogging tours in the woods, smash in the back of your head with a hammer, and bury you.


Well, seriously, just circle around the port, if there's an opening (she getting single), then move in - everything else is mostly a shit move. But who am I to judge, in love and war, everything is allowed..

They've been together one month, so that's the good news for now.

Tks for the advice

[meowmeowbrowncow]

Ask dank to write some romantic poems for you to ply her with.

[SysRun]

See if she has any friends that are like her and single. "I think you're amazing and if there are any friends that you have who are like you but single I think it would be great if you could introduce us."

Don't be creepy about it. Honestly feel that way and see what happens.

Odds are she'll probably get freaked out and never talk to you again. But a year from now who really cares, you'll have given it a shot

Before you do anything take this into account. http://www.forbes.com/sites/meghancasserly/2012/07/26/every-man-you-work-with-thinks-you-want-to-sleep-with-him/

Its just our nature.

[goodbc]

Teach him how to mine coins. Hopefully he will forget about the girl in no time!

[adamstgBit]

Patience, most men are inherently stupi in their decisions, if they happen to break up when you are still single, then be a friend when shes looking for a friend.

"the friend zone" is not where you want to be.

1) avoid her
2) when your with her, act like you would rather be somewhere else.
3) when she breaks up with her BF, wait till you "accidentally" run into her
4) ask her lots of questions about herself.
5) invite yourself to her place
6) As she shows you her scrap book, kiss her!

lol

you really should just find a single girl.... you could skip the first 3 steps.

[stochastic]

It sucks, any advice?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsOyvVVgYDg

It is simple.  Wait for weakness in their relationship and then jump.  At some point their relationship will hit a rough patch and she might ask you for advise.  In the mean time go practice with other girls because it is not good to be stuck on 1 person.

[Lethn]

Seriously, go find other girls and explore the outside world a bit, it sucks being attached like that and then of course if you try and be nice about it and not interfere she'll inevitably dump him and bitch to you about it and you'll immediately go ">_<" in real life because that's what's happened to me before lol, just think about why she has a boyfriend, if it turns out she's had several before chances are she wouldn't last long with you anyway. There really are times in my life where I've been sad about a girl but then after hearing about her breaking up with someone etc. I've gone "PHEW, I fucking dodged a bullet there big time!", trust me it's not worth chasing a taken girl most of the time, unless of course you really really like her in which case you're screwed.

Oh and if there are any girls watching this thread, if a guy tells you another guy is an asshole, fucking listen, it's like with girls and other girls, the same gender always know what they're talking about when it comes to each other.

[gweedo]

I am going to give you the best advice, if your under the age of 30, just go have fun. Stuff like this falls into place, trust me, cause you will get her as a girlfriend and you will be like dam I should be at a club grind on some chick. Right now chicks all they care about is who can f-them as hard as possible. They don't understand who actually cares about them and who would treat them right, so unless your mandanigo, just get your $300 jeans, your collared shirt and you get on the dance floor and you find the shanks hoe you can and you f- her as hard as you can. That will get back to her and she will be like dam I messed up.

Like in Goodfellas, "I settle down every night, then in the morning I am back up."

Also trust me spiky hair gets you P so much P, trust me Gel is a lot cheaper than dinners.

[kwoody]

circumstantial advice is circumstantial! all boils down to the elements of any given random relationship.

[Nolo]

I am going to give you the best advice, if your under the age of 30, just go have fun. Stuff like this falls into place, trust me, cause you will get her as a girlfriend and you will be like dam I should be at a club grind on some chick. Right now chicks all they care about is who can f-them as hard as possible. They don't understand who actually cares about them and who would treat them right, so unless your mandanigo, just get your $300 jeans, your collared shirt and you get on the dance floor and you find the shanks hoe you can and you f- her as hard as you can. That will get back to her and she will be like dam I messed up.

Like in Goodfellas, "I settle down every night, then in the morning I am back up."

Also trust me spiky hair gets you P so much P, trust me Gel is a lot cheaper than dinners.

Aside from the spiky hair part I'd agree with this advice lol. 

And on a different but similar note, my wife of 10 years next summer, and I were having an interesting conversation over dinner last night.  I was telling her about a friend of mine who asked me how I keep from cheating on my wife.  I told him, it's just one of those things where you have to make a conscious decision on what you are going to do.  You're either going to do the right thing or the wrong thing. 

And I told my wife that I find the cycle of a male's life interesting.  Up until the point you get married, all you're trying to do is find women to have sex with you.  You're pursuing them.  You win some, you lose some, but it takes work.  You are the hunter.  Once I got married, and I quit pursuing, it seemed like every woman on the planet wanted to have sex with me.  My wife's theory is, they want what they can't have.  I think there's probably some truth to that.  I wonder if these same women would be as interested in "hooking up" with me if I weren't married. 

[BrightAnarchist]

Ask dank to write some romantic poems for you to ply her with.

lol

I'm thinking the best approach is to treat it like a background thread... drop some hints and monitor the situation

Sounds like something a stalker would say.

Hmm I've never been a stalker to anyone... usually women stalk me though haha.

See if she has any friends that are like her and single. "I think you're amazing and if there are any friends that you have who are like you but single I think it would be great if you could introduce us."

Don't be creepy about it. Honestly feel that way and see what happens.

Odds are she'll probably get freaked out and never talk to you again. But a year from now who really cares, you'll have given it a shot

Before you do anything take this into account. http://www.forbes.com/sites/meghancasserly/2012/07/26/every-man-you-work-with-thinks-you-want-to-sleep-with-him/

Its just our nature.

Hmm... I thought about that, but it's a crappy line. It would be better to just drop "that XXXXX is a lucky guy" at some point just to let her know I'm interested. But beyond that that's proly about it.

Teach him how to mine coins. Hopefully he will forget about the girl in no time!

lol when I was first into bitcoin I practically forgot girls existed. I was really obsessed.

Patience, most men are inherently stupi in their decisions, if they happen to break up when you are still single, then be a friend when shes looking for a friend.

"the friend zone" is not where you want to be.

1) avoid her
2) when your with her, act like you would rather be somewhere else.
3) when she breaks up with her BF, wait till you "accidentally" run into her
4) ask her lots of questions about herself.
5) invite yourself to her place
6) As she shows you her scrap book, kiss her!

lol

you really should just find a single girl.... you could skip the first 3 steps.

You're right on that last point. I try not to think about her but it is painful.

It sucks, any advice?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsOyvVVgYDg

It is simple.  Wait for weakness in their relationship and then jump.  At some point their relationship will hit a rough patch and she might ask you for advise.  In the mean time go practice with other girls because it is not good to be stuck on 1 person.

Yes, practice is good. Many of my men friends need more of that. I'm not an expert but I'm pretty good with women, aside from a few stupid impulsive mistakes that I always regret. The big key for me was having a mentor when I was in Las Vegas and going around meeting many, many women with him. Damn, I miss those days...

Seriously, go find other girls and explore the outside world a bit, it sucks being attached like that and then of course if you try and be nice about it and not interfere she'll inevitably dump him and bitch to you about it and you'll immediately go ">_<" in real life because that's what's happened to me before lol, just think about why she has a boyfriend, if it turns out she's had several before chances are she wouldn't last long with you anyway. There really are times in my life where I've been sad about a girl but then after hearing about her breaking up with someone etc. I've gone "PHEW, I fucking dodged a bullet there big time!", trust me it's not worth chasing a taken girl most of the time, unless of course you really really like her in which case you're screwed.

Oh and if there are any girls watching this thread, if a guy tells you another guy is an asshole, fucking listen, it's like with girls and other girls, the same gender always know what they're talking about when it comes to each other.

The problem is, the other guy isn't an asshole. I wish he was though, it would make things much easier.

I think I'm pretty much screwed. This girl is very cool. A singer in a band for one thing.

I am going to give you the best advice, if your under the age of 30, just go have fun. Stuff like this falls into place, trust me, cause you will get her as a girlfriend and you will be like dam I should be at a club grind on some chick. Right now chicks all they care about is who can f-them as hard as possible. They don't understand who actually cares about them and who would treat them right, so unless your mandanigo, just get your $300 jeans, your collared shirt and you get on the dance floor and you find the shanks hoe you can and you f- her as hard as you can. That will get back to her and she will be like dam I messed up.

Like in Goodfellas, "I settle down every night, then in the morning I am back up."

Also trust me spiky hair gets you P so much P, trust me Gel is a lot cheaper than dinners.

Yeah I'm 28. So I do want to go have fun, but I donno I'm finally reaching an age where that doesn't cut it anymore. I had plenty of fun in Vegas, but I'm tired of young women with no morals and always worried they could have VD haha

circumstantial advice is circumstantial! all boils down to the elements of any given random relationship.

I think that hits the nail on the head, we do share a special friendship bond that she doesn't have with anyone else.

Aside from the spiky hair part I'd agree with this advice lol. 

And on a different but similar note, my wife of 10 years next summer, and I were having an interesting conversation over dinner last night.  I was telling her about a friend of mine who asked me how I keep from cheating on my wife.  I told him, it's just one of those things where you have to make a conscious decision on what you are going to do.  You're either going to do the right thing or the wrong thing. 

And I told my wife that I find the cycle of a male's life interesting.  Up until the point you get married, all you're trying to do is find women to have sex with you.  You're pursuing them.  You win some, you lose some, but it takes work.  You are the hunter.  Once I got married, and I quit pursuing, it seemed like every woman on the planet wanted to have sex with me.  My wife's theory is, they want what they can't have.  I think there's probably some truth to that.  I wonder if these same women would be as interested in "hooking up" with me if I weren't married. 

Hmm yeah I've rarely if ever had to really actively pursue a woman, every relationship I've been in has just been an organic process.

Damn, you're right about the "want what they can't have" bit. But that's digging into female psychology, where they're attracted to high-status/high-confidence men. 90% of my single male friends I can tell you don't have girlfriends because they don't give off enough of a confidence vibe (that or they have too much arrogance about being smart and are not socially savvy enough).

[hashman]

It sucks, any advice?

I disagree.  If you're crazy about her, it means you want her to enjoy herself.   Having a boyfriend or two helps with that. 

[AndrewBUD]

Be the bigger man.. whip out your donger and compare.

[jasinlee]

It sucks, any advice?

I disagree.  If you're crazy about her, it means you want her to enjoy herself.   Having a boyfriend or two helps with that. 

Free love man. Peace.

[JohnBigheart]

There is no point in going crazy about a specific girl. Girls are like snowflakes: each unique but overall very similar in their uniqueness. As there is no point in trying to get a specific snowflake there is also no point in chasing after a specific girl - unless you are married to her or she is the mother of your kids.

And the irony: by chasing girls in general you have better chances of getting this very specific girl. You see girls always want what they can't have.

[BrightAnarchist]

There is no point in going crazy about a specific girl. Girls are like snowflakes: each unique but overall very similar in their uniqueness. As there is no point in trying to get a specific snowflake there is also no point in chasing after a specific girl - unless you are married to her or she is the mother of your kids.

True, there's always another one, I know. I guess you just have to trust me that this one is special though. I don't think I've ever been more attracted to a woman before.

And the irony: by chasing girls in general you have better chances of getting this very specific girl. You see girls always want what they can't have.

Agreed. And that absolutely is the my dot plan file

[JohnBigheart]

Recommended reading:
The Ladder Theory

"The ladder theory is a funny, scientific explanation of how men and women
are attracted to each other. It also covers such topics as why women
sometimes just want to be friends but men always want sex. It is based upon
many years of sociological field testing, and was first conceptualized in
1994 in Exeter, CA by Dallas Lynn with acknowledgements to Jared Whitson for
his role in formalizing the theory."

[deepceleron]

You become her good friend and hang out with her. When her boyfriend becomes jealous or confrontational, she won't like being told who she can be friends with, and you'll be there for the rebound.

Or go out to a bar that has dance lessons for the dance lesson, stay for drinks and impress her with your dirty dancing and get her hot and bothered and suggest you get out of there and go to a hotel. Drunk horny chicks will quickly forget they have a boyfriend, and one good bang is all a guy needs to not want to call a chick again.

[mufa23]

It's simple: You kill the boyfriend.

[cedivad]

You want sex, uh?
It's simple, you don't have to be her boyfriend to have it.

(if you want something different than only sex, well, you are screwed. But, IMO, 1 month is not a relationship. They don't even know each one another)..

[klaus]

Be the bigger man.. whip out your donger and compare.

lol. best advice so far.

[BrightAnarchist]

You want sex, uh?
It's simple, you don't have to be her boyfriend to have it.

(if you want something different than only sex, well, you are screwed. But, IMO, 1 month is not a relationship. They don't even know each one another)..

Nope, it's not about sex at all. It's about her being adorable and me wanting to be around her all the time. I wish I could talk to her anytime I wanted, it realy sucks that I can't do that.

Yes I agree 1 month is not a relationship, but 1 month could become several months quite easily.

[BrightAnarchist]

You become her good friend and hang out with her. When her boyfriend becomes jealous or confrontational, she won't like being told who she can be friends with, and you'll be there for the rebound.

Or go out to a bar that has dance lessons for the dance lesson, stay for drinks and impress her with your dirty dancing and get her hot and bothered and suggest you get out of there and go to a hotel. Drunk horny chicks will quickly forget they have a boyfriend, and one good bang is all a guy needs to not want to call a chick again.

I like the first paragraph - a strong man would be able to still pursue her in one thread, while using another to find a single woman. I may see to what extent I can do this while maintaining my dignity and integrity.

The second paragraph isn't really my style though for girls that I'm really serious about. I'm not looking for just a fling with this girl.

[BR0KK]

Somehow i know that feeling...

A month followed another and suddenly turned to half a year. All cause I didn't have the guts to talk to her ...:/

One warning:
Don't try the friendship card .... U'll end up letting her use you for a little bit attention :/

Welcome to the Friendzone !!!

[Lethn]

Oh god fucking no damnit not the friendzone

[RodeoX]

Tell her. You have nothing to loose. Just tell her "I like you, and I'm going to try to impress you." Tell her your going to try for a month, then move on if it does not work out. If you follow through with that plan then you can't loose.

The most likely outcome may be that she marries the guy but remembers you for years. Then when she is old, fat and preggo she will call you one night. lol

[cedivad]

Tell her. You have nothing to loose. Just tell her "I like you, and I'm going to try to impress you." Tell her your going to try for a month, then move on if it does not work out. If you follow through with that plan then you can't loose.

The most likely outcome may be that she marries the guy but remembers you for years. Then when she is old, fat and preggo she will call you one night. lol

A month will become a year if you really love her.
It happend to me.

We chated just a few minutes ago, I still had a little cry. We staid toghether 3 months 16 months ago and I still feel bad about it...

I just want to say not to do my same mistake.

[evolve]

Just accept it and move on, man...don't be that guy. 

[SysRun]

Just accept it and move on, man...don't be that guy. 

Seriously, and get her to introduce you to your future wife. Good women know other good women.

[jasinlee]

Just accept it and move on, man...don't be that guy. 

[molecular]

It sucks, any advice?

get her to fall in love with you.

[J-Norm]

It sucks, any advice?

Ever seen Indecent Proposal? Offer 100,000BTC.

[BrightAnarchist]

It sucks, any advice?

get her to fall in love with you.

I'm going to try!

[Lethn]

Oh god no >_<

[weex]

It sucks, any advice?

Ever seen Indecent Proposal? Offer 100,000BTC.

Whoa there! Don't overpay!! http://bitcoinexchangerate.org/c/BTC-USD/1000000

[jasinlee]

It sucks, any advice?

Ever seen Indecent Proposal? Offer 100,000BTC.

Whoa there! Don't overpay!! http://bitcoinexchangerate.org/c/BTC-USD/1000000

Thats one hell of a dowry.

[conspirosphere.tk]

It sucks, any advice?

Well, I phucked the girlfriend of someone else years ago. She was not better than the average at sucking, er... phucking.
The best part was when I told about it to her boyfriend (like it was a joke, kind of: "I fucked her"), and HE laughed.
I hope this answers your question.

[wrend]

It sucks, any advice?

1) don't do anything unethical
2) What outcome do you want?
3) How much resources are you willing to spend on it, time, money, sacrifices etc.

[molecular]

It sucks, any advice?

get her to fall in love with you.

I'm going to try!

how to do this:

• Make sure in a subtle enough way and maybe not by directly telling her (it's possible, but not at the beginning) that she knows you are crazy about her. Do this often (repetition works) and over as long a period of time as necessary. Let it sink in, time is on your side. If you really love her, you don't need to stress this part.. she will notice anyway.
• Make sure she knows you're a very good man in every respect (or a very cool guy depending on age)
• Depending on age (if she approaches 30 or passed that), make sure she thinks you're easily able to provide for her and her children (you got brains and cojones). But DON'T talk about children or how rich you might be directly.
• Try to get to hang out with her (not necessarily alone with her. In a group will do just fine). Be a good guy then: open, intelligent, prudent, reliable. You may be nervous around her that's not a problem (see point one).
• Try to become her trusted talk-to guy (girls need at least one guy they can talk to)
• If she is that kind of girl: do some drugs with her. If she's not: don't try to do drugs with her
• If the opportunity arises: KISS HER. A kiss goes a long way.
• Having an affair can be very exciting! In case you manage to have an affair with her: don't put pressure on her and don't tell him! Draw it out for as long as necessary.
• Don't overdo any of the above. Don't rush things, you have all the time in the world if you really love her.
• Give it time. There will be a point when she doubts her current relationship. If you can get her to talk to you about that (because you're her go-to guy, remember) you'll probably win quite easily.
• Be yourself. This has to be stressed, because if she falls in love with some role you play that is not really you there will be problems later on after you finally conquered her.
• Be confident. Smile a lot, especially at her.

hope this helps, good luck!

[JohnBigheart]

how to do this:

• Make sure in a subtle enough way and maybe not by directly telling her (it's possible, but not at the beginning) that she knows you are crazy about her. Do this often (repetition works) and over as long a period of time as necessary. Let it sink in, time is on your side. If you really love her, you don't need to stress this part.. she will notice anyway.
• Make sure she knows you're a very good man in every respect (or a very cool guy depending on age)
• Depending on age (if she approaches 30 or passed that), make sure she thinks you're easily able to provide for her and her children (you got brains and cojones). But DON'T talk about children or how rich you might be directly.
• Try to get to hang out with her (not necessarily alone with her. In a group will do just fine). Be a good guy then: open, intelligent, prudent, reliable. You may be nervous around her that's not a problem (see point one).
• Try to become her trusted talk-to guy (girls need at least one guy they can talk to)

[Lethn]

That chart is perfect.

[conspirosphere.tk]

That chart is perfect.

No: it lacks "gay guy". They are the females' best friends.

[molecular]

That chart is perfect.

No: it lacks "gay guy". They are the females' best friends.

maybey gays are always nice, honest and funny?

[conspirosphere.tk]

That chart is perfect.

No: it lacks "gay guy". They are the females' best friends.

maybey gays are always nice, honest and funny?

Then they should figure at the center of the chart

[Anon136]

Wow, all such great advice: fold, kill the guy, or kill the girl.

I'm thinking the best approach is to treat it like a background thread... drop some hints and monitor the situation, but generally speaking try not to bet on it and so keep on the lookout for something new.

It's easier said than done though... this one's a keeper. Dammit, this sucks monkey f*ck.

how much are you worth? as an an-cap my initial inclination is to say buy him out. If you are poor than fix that problem first then buy him out. If he cant be bought than perhaps you should consider being happy that the girl you love seems to have a really damn decent guy.

[JohnBigheart]

Wow, all such great advice: fold, kill the guy, or kill the girl.

I'm thinking the best approach is to treat it like a background thread... drop some hints and monitor the situation, but generally speaking try not to bet on it and so keep on the lookout for something new.

It's easier said than done though... this one's a keeper. Dammit, this sucks monkey f*ck.

how much are you worth? as an an-cap my initial inclination is to say buy him out. If you are poor than fix that problem first then buy him out. If he cant be bought than perhaps you should consider being happy that the girl you love seems to have a really damn decent guy.

A lot depends on what life phase you are in. So how old are you? And how old is the girl?
What is the setting: is she a peer at the workplace? A girl from the uni campus? A high-school sweetheart?
What do we know about the current boyfriend? Is he a macho bad guy, a rocker, or a well tailored and rich businessman?

[Anon136]

Wow, all such great advice: fold, kill the guy, or kill the girl.

I'm thinking the best approach is to treat it like a background thread... drop some hints and monitor the situation, but generally speaking try not to bet on it and so keep on the lookout for something new.

It's easier said than done though... this one's a keeper. Dammit, this sucks monkey f*ck.

how much are you worth? as an an-cap my initial inclination is to say buy him out. If you are poor than fix that problem first then buy him out. If he cant be bought than perhaps you should consider being happy that the girl you love seems to have a really damn decent guy.

A lot depends on what life phase you are in. So how old are you? And how old is the girl?
What is the setting: is she a peer at the workplace? A girl from the uni campus? A high-school sweetheart?
What do we know about the current boyfriend? Is he a macho bad guy, a rocker, or a well tailored and rich businessman?

yea that was definitely oversimplification but i just wanted to get the idea out there

[BrightAnarchist]

Wow, all such great advice: fold, kill the guy, or kill the girl.

I'm thinking the best approach is to treat it like a background thread... drop some hints and monitor the situation, but generally speaking try not to bet on it and so keep on the lookout for something new.

It's easier said than done though... this one's a keeper. Dammit, this sucks monkey f*ck.

how much are you worth? as an an-cap my initial inclination is to say buy him out. If you are poor than fix that problem first then buy him out. If he cant be bought than perhaps you should consider being happy that the girl you love seems to have a really damn decent guy.

A lot depends on what life phase you are in. So how old are you? And how old is the girl?
What is the setting: is she a peer at the workplace? A girl from the uni campus? A high-school sweetheart?
What do we know about the current boyfriend? Is he a macho bad guy, a rocker, or a well tailored and rich businessman?

I'm 28, she's 31. The BF doesn't seem that macho, and certainly not wealthy. I'm pretty sure I have significantly more cash than this guy, probably by at least a factor of 10. She's a girl at work.

I feel petty comparing myself in this way though, as he seems to be a nice guy, but these are still the facts.

[Anon136]

Wow, all such great advice: fold, kill the guy, or kill the girl.

I'm thinking the best approach is to treat it like a background thread... drop some hints and monitor the situation, but generally speaking try not to bet on it and so keep on the lookout for something new.

It's easier said than done though... this one's a keeper. Dammit, this sucks monkey f*ck.

how much are you worth? as an an-cap my initial inclination is to say buy him out. If you are poor than fix that problem first then buy him out. If he cant be bought than perhaps you should consider being happy that the girl you love seems to have a really damn decent guy.

A lot depends on what life phase you are in. So how old are you? And how old is the girl?
What is the setting: is she a peer at the workplace? A girl from the uni campus? A high-school sweetheart?
What do we know about the current boyfriend? Is he a macho bad guy, a rocker, or a well tailored and rich businessman?

I'm 28, she's 31. The BF doesn't seem that macho, and certainly not wealthy. I'm pretty sure I have significantly more cash than this guy, probably by at least a factor of 10. She's a girl at work.

I feel petty comparing myself in this way though, as he seems to be a nice guy, but these are still the facts.

you:"hey bub here's 10 thousand dollars now get lost" him:"hell yea" girl:"you payed 10,000 dollars just for me? my hero!"

[Dunster]

Be bright and go for a younger girl. You should be looking at 21 and 22 year old girls based on your age. When your 40 and she's 43 you'll be scouting out younger ones anyway. However if you are 40 and see is 33, your girl will still be hot. With today's social networks you should be able to find another. Also check out the girls mother to see how should could turn out. Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

[vampire]

Be bright and go for a younger girl. You should be looking at 21 and 22 year old girls based on your age. When your 40 and she's 43 you'll be scouting out younger ones anyway. However if you are 40 and see is 33, your girl will still be hot. With today's social networks you should be able to find another. Also check out the girls mother to see how should could turn out. Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

21/22 are in colleges... He should be shooting for 23-25, also different girls age differently.

Though at 31 girl tend to want to settle, so the question is if this girl picked a "husband". She may not be in-love with the guy.

[John (John K.)]

Be bright and go for a younger girl. You should be looking at 21 and 22 year old girls based on your age. When your 40 and she's 43 you'll be scouting out younger ones anyway. However if you are 40 and see is 33, your girl will still be hot. With today's social networks you should be able to find another. Also check out the girls mother to see how should could turn out. Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

Words of wisdom. 

[vampire]

Words of wisdom. 

ROFL. I guess I am lucky I am 5 years older than my gf and her mom looks great at 50.

[BrightAnarchist]

Be bright and go for a younger girl. You should be looking at 21 and 22 year old girls based on your age. When your 40 and she's 43 you'll be scouting out younger ones anyway. However if you are 40 and see is 33, your girl will still be hot. With today's social networks you should be able to find another. Also check out the girls mother to see how should could turn out. Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

21/22 are in colleges... He should be shooting for 23-25, also different girls age differently.

Though at 31 girl tend to want to settle, so the question is if this girl picked a "husband". She may not be in-love with the guy.

"Picked a husband"... F*ck that's what I'm scared of! I hope not

[BrightAnarchist]

Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

Yeah, yeah, I know...

[SysRun]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0B6MUOgXMA

[Anon136]

Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

Yeah, yeah, I know...

sorry to rock the boat but i think thats bull shit. It took me 16 years to find 1 girl that wasnt a toxic piece of shit. There are NOT plenty of fish in the sea.

[John (John K.)]

Be bright and go for a younger girl. You should be looking at 21 and 22 year old girls based on your age. When your 40 and she's 43 you'll be scouting out younger ones anyway. However if you are 40 and see is 33, your girl will still be hot. With today's social networks you should be able to find another. Also check out the girls mother to see how should could turn out. Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

21/22 are in colleges... He should be shooting for 23-25, also different girls age differently.

Though at 31 girl tend to want to settle, so the question is if this girl picked a "husband". She may not be in-love with the guy.

"Picked a husband"... F*ck that's what I'm scared of! I hope not

You could see hints of this happening.  This phase usually occurs when he's taken to her mom's place a lot, and if they live together already. The extreme phase comes when they go out to shop groceries together. That's the husband phase.   Maybe stalk around for a bit?

[BrightAnarchist]

Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

Yeah, yeah, I know...

sorry to rock the boat but i think thats bull shit. It took me 16 years to find 1 girl that wasnt a toxic piece of shit. There are NOT plenty of fish in the sea.

This has been my experience too

[gweedo]

Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

Yeah, yeah, I know...

sorry to rock the boat but i think thats bull shit. It took me 16 years to find 1 girl that wasnt a toxic piece of shit. There are NOT plenty of fish in the sea.

What you mean a "toxic piece of shit"?

[BrightAnarchist]

Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

Yeah, yeah, I know...

sorry to rock the boat but i think thats bull shit. It took me 16 years to find 1 girl that wasnt a toxic piece of shit. There are NOT plenty of fish in the sea.

What you mean a "toxic piece of shit"?

I think he means exactly what he says

[Lethn]

Don't get too fixated on one girl its not healthy.

Yeah, yeah, I know...

sorry to rock the boat but i think thats bull shit. It took me 16 years to find 1 girl that wasnt a toxic piece of shit. There are NOT plenty of fish in the sea.

What you mean a "toxic piece of shit"?

I think he means exactly what he says

I'm sort of in that place right now, having a hard time finding the non-toxic girls, by that he means they're absolutely psychotic, if a girl has had multiple boyfriends within a year then it's for a reason.

[sd]

sorry to rock the boat but i think thats bull shit. It took me 16 years to find 1 girl that wasnt a toxic piece of shit. There are NOT plenty of fish in the sea.

There are plenty. The problem is finding one who is crazy in a way you can live with. There are not so many of those.

[Dunster]

Also remember that "love" is a chemical process in our brain. If you can pull your higher level thoughts above the "primitive" programs running in your brain it will give you more power over your emotions. I recommend this video to learn a bit more about what is happening in your brain:

http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_studies_the_brain_in_love.html

Enjoy the punt down the river of life. Being a punter is great. There are many great chicks out there you just need to learn to charm them. Go for the whole package not just the beauty. Beautiful girls can often be controllers because they have tremendous power in our society.

This is a good song but probably doesn't have to taken to the extreme suggested in the song:
http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/ifyouwan.htm

If you enjoyed the advice, I will happily accept BTC 0.01 to this address. ;-)

1MTs6spVYuN7joaXVHxgaB5arVqeAixw3d

ANY payment that I receive would be a milestone for me as it would represent my first BTC transaction for "consulting".

[Inaba]

What kind of namby pamby crap are some of you feeding this guy?  If you're an alpha male, show her and she'll come around... if you're not, then sulk back to your den and whimper about how unfair life is.  Although, the fact that you're posting here asking for advice is probably indicative of which direction that's going to end up.  

Just ask: WWFD

I kid, I kid... or do I?

[Dunster]

What kind of namby pamby crap are some of you feeding this guy?  

One man's "namby pamby" is another man's information. 

[gweedo]

If you're an alpha male, show her and she'll come around...

This is so false, maybe in caveman days this is how it worked not today. I am not an alpha male yet I can pull some hots girl. Girls want three things, they want a person that will care for them, surprise them and someone who is funny.

[Mad7Scientist]

It sucks, any advice?

Were any unjust means were used to get her in to the relationship that she is in? From my experience, I have learned that there may be a lot that you do not know of.

Exactly my thoughts. I'm just waiting for the buffalo in the field to show signs of weakness, and then I'll pounce.

They might end up getting married, despite him being very weak. Things have been going that way recently. Metrosexual types have become more attractive to women.

You're right on that last point. I try not to think about her but it is painful.

If it's painful it shows that your feelings for her are sincere.

Nope, it's not about sex at all. It's about her being adorable and me wanting to be around her all the time. I wish I could talk to her anytime I wanted, it realy sucks that I can't do that.

Good for you. She should value that. If the other guy isn't valuing the same thing in her, then you should have an advantage. But does our culture value what is just? Or are we Communist, where the weaker is made to be first?

I feel for your situation and I wish I could do something to help you. I think the most I can do is help you understand and possibly show you that what is happening is not your fault and you are really in the right, depending on the situation. If the other guy is better than you, then that's just life. If he mislead her in to the relationship, then it's different. You see where I'm going.

I have witnessed a lot of bad relationship form with girls that I knew growing up. Things may be more complicated than your realize. The old wisdom of doing this may no longer be sufficient in our "modern" world.

Can you post a picture of the guy and the girl? It would be helpful to our support department. I'm serious about the picture. If being sneaky is scary to you, remember that you need to be a man and not be afraid if you are to have a girl. You can block out the eyes if you wish.

What part of the world are you living in? This is also important to me.

I agree with the advice about continuing to keep in mind that there are others out there. Don't be afraid about having feelings for more than one girl at the same time. Despite what is taught about that in Western culture, it's not really wrong. The idea that it is wrong to have more than one wife is really a very recent teaching for most of the world.

Have you ever watched The Office? As much as I hate that show, you know how there is Pam and the guy who works in the warehouse and then the guy who works in the office who likes her more? Is your situation anything like that?

Give me BTC40,000 and I can fix your problem with a 60% chance of success.

I hope things go well for you, but I don't want to encourage unfounded optimism.

Replies to other posting of the thread:

Plenty of fish in the sea...

Not always.

Follow your heart, you'll know when you find your soulmate.

There's no such thing as a "soulmate". Dating websites like to push this false idea that there is this one and only one person out there for you. Sure there may only a fraction of a percent of women that would be acceptable for you, but there's no "soulmate".

Patience, most men are inherently stupid in their decisions,

Well this guy is asking for advice

I disagree.  If you're crazy about her, it means you want her to enjoy herself.   Having a boyfriend or two helps with that.

Get a prostitute and save the rest of the good women for men who aren't looking for a sex object to throw away after a short while.

[/quote]Be the bigger man.. whip out your donger and compare.[/quote]
Bigger isn't always better. I hate the sexually degenerate society we live in.

get her to fall in love with you.

It may be an uphill battle. A major change in strategy may be necessary, or realization that the opportunity for victory has gone by, and defeat must be accepted. It is foolish to fight a battle which you cannot win.

If you go onto the TOR network, you can find people offering anonymous services for bitcoin where they will "eliminate" your competition for you

Where did my 1000 BTC go... and all you can do is leave negative feedback lol

Also remember that "love" is a chemical process in our brain. If you can pull your higher level thoughts above the "primitive" programs running in your brain it will give you more power over your emotions. I recommend this video to learn a bit more about what is happening in your brain:

Don't listen to anyone who claims to have love completely figured out, especially someone who got published on a mainstream news source. Not even I have it figured out.

What kind of namby pamby crap are some of you feeding this guy?  If you're an alpha male, show her and she'll come around... if you're not, then sulk back to your den and whimper about how unfair life is.  Although, the fact that you're posting here asking for advice is probably indicative of which direction that's going to end up.

As I mentioned, the old ways of how things worked in the world are passing away. We have epidemic levels of sexual and emotional dysfunction in men. Sperm count in US and Western europe has gone down to 13% of normal in 50 years. Most have that happen in the last 20 of those years. And I haven't even mentioned the situation with women.

[candoo]

GIVE HER A  HUNDRED BITCOINS FOR FREE

[Vbs]

It sucks, any advice?

You have to be as much honest to both your feelings and towards her, as you can.

Express her your interest. Be very concise, don't overdo it. You don't know her that well yet. A simple "I'd like to know you better, wanna go for a coffee later?" will work wonders.

Remember that the golden rule is to keep interest level high. Do nothing and the opportunity passes. Do too much and you'll just drop your interest level in her eyes. Walk this subtle line, keep some mystery, but most of all, be honest to yourself.

Better to try and fail, than to never try at all.

[Lethn]

If you're an alpha male, show her and she'll come around...

This is so false, maybe in caveman days this is how it worked not today. I am not an alpha male yet I can pull some hots girl. Girls want three things, they want a person that will care for them, surprise them and someone who is funny.

And then when they finally find that they put that person in the friend zone while trying his patience constantly

[gweedo]

If you're an alpha male, show her and she'll come around...

This is so false, maybe in caveman days this is how it worked not today. I am not an alpha male yet I can pull some hots girl. Girls want three things, they want a person that will care for them, surprise them and someone who is funny.

And then when they finally find that they put that person in the friend zone while trying his patience constantly

I be honest, most girls from 18-25 really just want someone that is going to F them hard. But 26+ they want a real relationship.

[goodlord666]

You use the boyfriend destroyer or something.

[Herodes]

Haha, being obsessed with a girl.

I always found that there was always another girl to be obsessed about.

[BrightAnarchist]

If you're an alpha male, show her and she'll come around...

This is so false, maybe in caveman days this is how it worked not today. I am not an alpha male yet I can pull some hots girl. Girls want three things, they want a person that will care for them, surprise them and someone who is funny.

Yes I agree that they want those three things and that they're not into alpha jerks, but they do want a strong, confident, successful and take-charge kind of guy (even if the femenists won't admit it). I don't see that aspect of female psychology going away any time soon.

[BrightAnarchist]

It sucks, any advice?

You have to be as much honest to both your feelings and towards her, as you can.

Express her your interest. Be very concise, don't overdo it. You don't know her that well yet. A simple "I'd like to know you better, wanna go for a coffee later?" will work wonders.

Remember that the golden rule is to keep interest level high. Do nothing and the opportunity passes. Do too much and you'll just drop your interest level in her eyes. Walk this subtle line, keep some mystery, but most of all, be honest to yourself.

Better to try and fail, than to never try at all.

Already done this, we went out during work for about an hour or so, it was great.

Now I realize this sounds like "overdoing it", but I have the perfect gift for her for christmas. Not that I'm a gifter guy (that's a stupid strategy that I would never go down, you cannot ever guilt a woman with gifts!) but there are very rare exceptions where you have an idea that's just so perfect, and so personal and life-changing (for her), that you just can't not do it. This is one of those exceptions. I vetting the idea by a female friend of mine, and she said to go for it and that the gift idea was "better than all the diamond rings in the world". But the best part is that given the nature of the gift I can absolutely do it "as a friend" without any unusual suspicion. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, I don't give a shit, I'm doing what I want. And even if it doesn't make a difference to my life (almost certainly not) I sure know it will make a difference to hers.

[JohnBigheart]

Now I realize this sounds like "overdoing it", but I have the perfect gift for her for christmas. Not that I'm a gifter guy (that's a stupid strategy that I would never go down, you cannot ever guilt a woman with gifts!) but there are very rare exceptions where you have an idea that's just so perfect, and so personal and life-changing (for her), that you just can't not do it. This is one of those exceptions. I vetting the idea by a female friend of mine, and she said to go for it and that the gift idea was "better than all the diamond rings in the world". But the best part is that given the nature of the gift I can absolutely do it "as a friend" without any unusual suspicion. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, I don't give a shit, I'm doing what I want. And even if it doesn't make a difference to my life (almost certainly not) I sure know it will make a difference to hers.

Now I am really curious. What is it? A vacuum cleaner?

[Mad7Scientist]

It is kind of natural for a girl to be attracted to a man who is a little bit older. I assume the other guy is? Isn't there any other girl that you are attracted to?

[BrightAnarchist]

It is kind of natural for a girl to be attracted to a man who is a little bit older. I assume the other guy is? Isn't there any other girl that you are attracted to?

No clue about the other guy.

Not right now... I know a few other girls that seem cool I guess. But I really like this one the best by far...

[Vbs]

It sucks, any advice?

You have to be as much honest to both your feelings and towards her, as you can.

Express her your interest. Be very concise, don't overdo it. You don't know her that well yet. A simple "I'd like to know you better, wanna go for a coffee later?" will work wonders.

Remember that the golden rule is to keep interest level high. Do nothing and the opportunity passes. Do too much and you'll just drop your interest level in her eyes. Walk this subtle line, keep some mystery, but most of all, be honest to yourself.

Better to try and fail, than to never try at all.

Already done this, we went out during work for about an hour or so, it was great.

Now I realize this sounds like "overdoing it", but I have the perfect gift for her for christmas. Not that I'm a gifter guy (that's a stupid strategy that I would never go down, you cannot ever guilt a woman with gifts!) but there are very rare exceptions where you have an idea that's just so perfect, and so personal and life-changing (for her), that you just can't not do it. This is one of those exceptions. I vetting the idea by a female friend of mine, and she said to go for it and that the gift idea was "better than all the diamond rings in the world". But the best part is that given the nature of the gift I can absolutely do it "as a friend" without any unusual suspicion. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, I don't give a shit, I'm doing what I want. And even if it doesn't make a difference to my life (almost certainly not) I sure know it will make a difference to hers.

You can give her the gift, but have this very clear in your head: "gifts are dangerous territory". The better the gift, the more you have to back up next and give her space, or she can feel overwhelmed. Its somewhat of a gamble, really. Gifts are good when you already know of her interest towards you, but can be bad when she feels you might be "misinterpreting" her actions of just wanting a "friendship".

Think a relationship like a rubber band. Make her want to pull you by knowing when to back up -- you do this by knowing to respect her personal space.

Show too much, and you'll come as needy. Keep the mystery up. Walk the line!

[Vbs]

Not right now... I know a few other girls that seem cool I guess. But I really like this one the best by far...

Get to know them. See how it goes with them. See how you are around them. Try, fail, try, fail, try, succeed. Practice, practice, practice!!!

[Dunster]

Also, clean the pipes before the first date, that will take the pressure off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xuah8LC-Cw

[BrightAnarchist]

It sucks, any advice?

You have to be as much honest to both your feelings and towards her, as you can.

Express her your interest. Be very concise, don't overdo it. You don't know her that well yet. A simple "I'd like to know you better, wanna go for a coffee later?" will work wonders.

Remember that the golden rule is to keep interest level high. Do nothing and the opportunity passes. Do too much and you'll just drop your interest level in her eyes. Walk this subtle line, keep some mystery, but most of all, be honest to yourself.

Better to try and fail, than to never try at all.

Already done this, we went out during work for about an hour or so, it was great.

Now I realize this sounds like "overdoing it", but I have the perfect gift for her for christmas. Not that I'm a gifter guy (that's a stupid strategy that I would never go down, you cannot ever guilt a woman with gifts!) but there are very rare exceptions where you have an idea that's just so perfect, and so personal and life-changing (for her), that you just can't not do it. This is one of those exceptions. I vetting the idea by a female friend of mine, and she said to go for it and that the gift idea was "better than all the diamond rings in the world". But the best part is that given the nature of the gift I can absolutely do it "as a friend" without any unusual suspicion. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, I don't give a shit, I'm doing what I want. And even if it doesn't make a difference to my life (almost certainly not) I sure know it will make a difference to hers.

You can give her the gift, but have this very clear in your head: "gifts are dangerous territory". The better the gift, the more you have to back up next and give her space, or she can feel overwhelmed. Its somewhat of a gamble, really. Gifts are good when you already know of her interest towards you, but can be bad when she feels you might be "misinterpreting" her actions of just wanting a "friendship".

Think a relationship like a rubber band. Make her want to pull you by knowing when to back up -- you do this by knowing to respect her personal space.

Show too much, and you'll come as needy. Keep the mystery up. Walk the line!

I could not agree more. You just have to trust me that this gift is an exception.

But you're right, it's giving too much off the bat. Maybe I'll still do it, but give her a little more time first. Like you said, "walk the line".

Easier said than done though sometimes... discipline... discipline...

[evolve]

The moral of this thread is:
Internet nerds give bad dating advice.

Seriously, between the PUA bullshit, the "buy her out" comments, and most of the other comments treating the girl as an object to be "won" (as opposed to a normal human being that breathes and shits like everyone else), this thread has become a haven for bad advice.


She is with someone, man. Get over it and find an available girl....if she wanted to be with you, she already would be. All you are doing is setting yourself up to be that creepy guy who doesn't understand boundaries.

It's not what you want to hear, but it is the truth.

[wtfvanity]

All you are doing is setting yourself up to be that creepy guy who doesn't understand boundaries.

+1

Get laid. You won't even remember her while you're getting your cock sucked. Maybe easier said than done but move on.

[jasinlee]

When I wanted a girl to know I was interested, I would simply go up to her and say hey I am Jasin, would you like to go have dinner one night? If she said she has a boyfriend, you just informed her you were interested and not creepy, straightforward and all at the same time you can be very apologetic and say something like oh I am sorry I did not remember I did not mean to be rude.

[Mad7Scientist]

Do any of the three in this situation have any religious morals that would affect anything? And I still want to see a picture of these people!

You know, pics or it didn't happen! What if this whole situation was made up?

[hardcore-fs]

Get friendly with the boyfriend , then let the girl know you are gay.

1.The girl will get pissed off, because  he lies to her and won't own up to it
2. When girls find out a guy is "gay", they either try to run a conversion, or become very good friends with them.
Both of which is a win win for you.

[saddambitcoin]

just don't do it

you'll regret it, whatever the outcome

[Kluge]

Get friendly with the boyfriend , then let the girl know you are gay.

1.The girl will get pissed off, because  he lies to her and won't own up to it
2. When girls find out a guy is "gay", they either try to run a conversion, or become very good friends with them.
Both of which is a win win for you.

This sounds most reasonable to me.

I'd also suggest coming on to the boyfriend and telling the girl her boyfriend's coming on to you.

In relationships, always remember the three D's: Deceit, Deflection, Demarcation.

[BrightAnarchist]

What do you know about the boyfriend? Do you even know if this guy is real?

Maybe she really wants you and is playing hard to get.

He's real

[BrightAnarchist]

Get friendly with the boyfriend , then let the girl know you are gay.

1.The girl will get pissed off, because  he lies to her and won't own up to it
2. When girls find out a guy is "gay", they either try to run a conversion, or become very good friends with them.
Both of which is a win win for you.

This sounds most reasonable to me.

I'd also suggest coming on to the boyfriend and telling the girl her boyfriend's coming on to you.

In relationships, always remember the three D's: Deceit, Deflection, Demarcation.

Can't tell if serious...

[Vbs]

I could not agree more. You just have to trust me that this gift is an exception.

But you're right, it's giving too much off the bat. Maybe I'll still do it, but give her a little more time first. Like you said, "walk the line".

Easier said than done though sometimes... discipline... discipline...

Gifts are a way of saying someone "Thank you so much!". That's why we give gifts to significant others in our lifes. Giving a gift with nothing yet to thank for, changes the nature of that gift. It becomes an "offering to appease the gods", and looks like you are tying to "buy" affection, trying to take a shortcut, or trying to compensate something. Win her first by talking, they you can decide to "thank her" (give her a gift) for being part of your life or not.

If you already had some time together, that's great. It shows that her initial interest level in you is not zero! It was during work, so she was right in her comfort zone. That's also good at the start because she won't feel the pressure of anything and will be more open.

Use baby steps. After getting to know her better during work hours, at least a few times, only then you ask her for a coffee before or after work (the next comfort zones; before is time-limited (more comfortable), after may not be; one or the other depends on your standing), when you start feeling she will probably have no reluctance in accepting it. Don't be too eager. Remember, baby steps and a healthy dose of patience -- you need to give her time to increase her own interest level in you, since she's already with someone.

Bottom line, you want gradually for her to know you as much as you want to know her. Only then you'll know if you really like this girl. Remember that looks are great at first, but no relationship thrives on looks alone.

And above all, be honest. You want her to know who you really are. Lying is only a form of fear. There is nothing to be afraid here. Always have the guts to be a Man, with a capital M.

[SaintDevil]

Imagine if you put all the hard work into trying to get her and then she would still stay with the other guy, you would only make it difficult for yourself.
Just forget about it...and then if that doesn't work out for her, there will be a surprise.

[BrightAnarchist]

I could not agree more. You just have to trust me that this gift is an exception.

But you're right, it's giving too much off the bat. Maybe I'll still do it, but give her a little more time first. Like you said, "walk the line".

Easier said than done though sometimes... discipline... discipline...

Gifts are a way of saying someone "Thank you so much!". That's why we give gifts to significant others in our lifes. Giving a gift with nothing yet to thank for, changes the nature of that gift. It becomes an "offering to appease the gods", and looks like you are tying to "buy" affection, trying to take a shortcut, or trying to compensate something. Win her first by talking, they you can decide to "thank her" (give her a gift) for being part of your life or not.

If you already had some time together, that's great. It shows that her initial interest level in you is not zero! It was during work, so she was right in her comfort zone. That's also good at the start because she won't feel the pressure of anything and will be more open.

Use baby steps. After getting to know her better during work hours, at least a few times, only then you ask her for a coffee before or after work (the next comfort zones; before is time-limited (more comfortable), after may not be; one or the other depends on your standing), when you start feeling she will probably have no reluctance in accepting it. Don't be too eager. Remember, baby steps and a healthy dose of patience -- you need to give her time to increase her own interest level in you, since she's already with someone.

Bottom line, you want gradually for her to know you as much as you want to know her. Only then you'll know if you really like this girl. Remember that looks are great at first, but no relationship thrives on looks alone.

And above all, be honest. You want her to know who you really are. Lying is only a form of fear. There is nothing to be afraid here. Always have the guts to be a Man, with a capital M.

Yes and this would be 100% true if it were a normal gift, but it's not. Time is of the essence and she needs it now.

Anyhoo, thanks everyone but I think I've gotten enough feedback at this point.

[Jutarul]

The moral of this thread is:
Internet nerds give bad dating advice.

Seriously, between the PUA bullshit, the "buy her out" comments, and most of the other comments treating the girl as an object to be "won" (as opposed to a normal human being that breathes and shits like everyone else), this thread has become a haven for bad advice.


She is with someone, man. Get over it and find an available girl....if she wanted to be with you, she already would be. All you are doing is setting yourself up to be that creepy guy who doesn't understand boundaries.

It's not what you want to hear, but it is the truth.

+1.

Sometimes it helps to be blunt - Say e.g. "It's a shame that you're with somebody right now. Otherwise I'd love to deepen your friendship."
At least then she knows that there's an offer on the table. If she's in anyway interested she will respond to that, maybe by asking how you would accomplish that.  Then you have an anchor point, e.g. by telling here that you find her very attractive. If the moment is right this can end up in a kiss.

[Kluge]

Get friendly with the boyfriend , then let the girl know you are gay.

1.The girl will get pissed off, because  he lies to her and won't own up to it
2. When girls find out a guy is "gay", they either try to run a conversion, or become very good friends with them.
Both of which is a win win for you.

This sounds most reasonable to me.

I'd also suggest coming on to the boyfriend and telling the girl her boyfriend's coming on to you.

In relationships, always remember the three D's: Deceit, Deflection, Demarcation.

Can't tell if serious...

My wife wouldn't be able to, either.  As it happens, most of our arguments are over misunderstandings of when I'm serious. Those arguments escalate because I'm not sure if she's serious when she accuses me of being serious. Never, ever smirk at an angry woman.

[hardcore-fs]

The moral of this thread is:
Internet nerds give bad dating advice.

Seriously, between the PUA bullshit, the "buy her out" comments, and most of the other comments treating the girl as an object to be "won" (as opposed to a normal human being that breathes and shits like everyone else), this thread has become a haven for bad advice.


She is with someone, man. Get over it and find an available girl....if she wanted to be with you, she already would be. All you are doing is setting yourself up to be that creepy guy who doesn't understand boundaries.

It's not what you want to hear, but it is the truth.

First off you need to validate the quality, I knew two girls who used to hang out at the local club.

One looked like she had eaten her lipstick, I mean the shit was all over her face, she used to hold the lipstick tube like it was a club, she walked like a man  and everyone said she was the town bike.
The other was a nice catholic girl, she cared for animals and had a pet duck, and was very quietly spoken.
I copped a date with the "nice" girl. On the second date I took her back to her house... at the door she said to me "Am I finally going to get F***ed or what?". There was not a 3rd date I was off like a shot.(RULE 2, no sloppy seconds)

Several months later I  was out of the club, raining, managed to grab a taxi and the Human gorilla asked if she could share, yep... never abandon a girl on the streets at night. RULE 1.
She was one of the most softly spoken and polite girls I had ever spoken to, not my 'type'.. but still.

The moral is that sometimes your "Dream girl" is as rough as nails and totally unsuitable for you.

[wtfvanity]

I copped a date with the "nice" girl. On the second date I took her back to her house... at the door she said to me "Am I finally going to get F***ed or what?". There was not a 3rd date I was off like a shot.(RULE 2, no sloppy seconds)

You fucked her on the second date? Or you're gay?

[gweedo]

I copped a date with the "nice" girl. On the second date I took her back to her house... at the door she said to me "Am I finally going to get F***ed or what?". There was not a 3rd date I was off like a shot.(RULE 2, no sloppy seconds)

You fucked her on the second date? Or you're gay?

I have to agree if they beg for it, give the girl what they want LMAO

[smoothie]

@OP, Find another girl.

[hardcore-fs]

I copped a date with the "nice" girl. On the second date I took her back to her house... at the door she said to me "Am I finally going to get F***ed or what?". There was not a 3rd date I was off like a shot.(RULE 2, no sloppy seconds)

You fucked her on the second date? Or you're gay?

LOL you are as dumb as the suckers she used to pray on.
Like all stories it continues.
About a year later, I bumped into my friend Andy, If ever you needed backup in a serious fight, Andy was the guy to know, hard as fucking nails, he was thrown down the stairs of a club by the police, straight into two police dogs.
The dogs lost, one had to be put down, he had to do a few months time.
He told me he was getting married and had a kid on the way, his bird was in the shops but he wanted me to meet her, then out walked Mary........ seems  Andy was the bloke she met after me, he found out she was pregnant after he came out of the local slam.

Her goal was not getting F**ed, it was to find a sucker she could sponge off for the rest of her life.

[jasinlee]

[wtfvanity]

I copped a date with the "nice" girl. On the second date I took her back to her house... at the door she said to me "Am I finally going to get F***ed or what?". There was not a 3rd date I was off like a shot.(RULE 2, no sloppy seconds)

You fucked her on the second date? Or you're gay?

LOL you are as dumb as the suckers she used to pray on.
Like all stories it continues.
About a year later, I bumped into my friend Andy, If ever you needed backup in a serious fight, Andy was the guy to know, hard as fucking nails, he was thrown down the stairs of a club by the police, straight into two police dogs.
The dogs lost, one had to be put down, he had to do a few months time.
He told me he was getting married and had a kid on the way, his bird was in the shops but he wanted me to meet her, then out walked Mary........ seems  Andy was the bloke she met after me, he found out she was pregnant after he came out of the local slam.

Her goal was not getting F**ed, it was to find a sucker she could sponge off for the rest of her life.

I copped a date with the "nice" girl. On the second date I took her back to her house... at the door she said to me "Am I finally going to get F***ed or what?". There was not a 3rd date I was off like a shot.(RULE 2, no sloppy seconds)

You fucked her on the second date? Or you're gay?

I have to agree if they beg for it, give the girl what they want LMAO

I got a vasectomy when I was 18. Put some sperm in the freezer and pay $50 a month to keep it on ice. I wrap it up and if a chick asks me to fuck her I hate to tell a lady no. Still wear a condom. And guess what? I've been told that they are pregnant and that it's mine, usually something like condom must of broke. Lawyer writes a nice little letter with doctor verification of 0% sperm tests. Files a restraining order. And if she still disagrees consent to the paternity test when the kid is born. Guess what, none have ever been mine.

I didn't say get her pregnant. Fuck her hard and get what you want. Unless you're gay.

[Mad7Scientist]

Now I kind of think that if the OP was hanging around Vegas hooking up with women for sex, that now wanting a specific girl who is already taken is asking too much.

[greyscale]

I don't think the answer to the OP's questions will come from this thread. I think its something you gotta figure out for yourself. This is a very bad place to come to for advice about women lol.

[Mad7Scientist]

You fucked her on the second date? Or you're gay?

I have to agree if they beg for it, give the girl what they want LMAO

I got a vasectomy when I was 18. Put some sperm in the freezer and pay $50 a month to keep it on ice. I wrap it up and if a chick asks me to fuck her I hate to tell a lady no. Still wear a condom. And guess what? I've been told that they are pregnant and that it's mine, usually something like condom must of broke. Lawyer writes a nice little letter with doctor verification of 0% sperm tests. Files a restraining order. And if she still disagrees consent to the paternity test when the kid is born. Guess what, none have ever been mine.

I didn't say get her pregnant. Fuck her hard and get what you want. Unless you're gay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOqOMWRSndg

America is fully sexualized. If you say no to sex with a woman, then you must be gay. It's like you're not allowed to say no to a girl.

[BrightAnarchist]

I don't think the answer to the OP's questions will come from this thread. I think its something you gotta figure out for yourself. This is a very bad place to come to for advice about women lol.

lol true

So I've thought about the situation long and hard (no pun intended) I think the best advice is really just to move on, as much as that pisses me off and depresses me.

If she breaks up with him then I'll move in for the kill, but you can't wait around for people. She's great but she has a certain inertia about her when it comes to making life changes, so my gut is telling me that even if she realized that she liked me better, she may still end up marrying this shmo.

So, that's that for now. I'm still crazy about her, but I have too much dignity to waste on a girl that's already taken. I've seen friends waste years on specific girls with no results, and I deserve better than that crap.

[Lethn]

It does suck but it is for the best, you really don't want to be put in the friendzone, if she has no interest in you she has no interest in you not much anyone can do to change that.

[BrightAnarchist]

It does suck but it is for the best, you really don't want to be put in the friendzone, if she has no interest in you she has no interest in you not much anyone can do to change that.

Well that's the thing, I think she does have some interest in me. If I was around a few months ago, I think there's a good chance she would be with me and not this other douche.

[Vbs]

I don't think the answer to the OP's questions will come from this thread. I think its something you gotta figure out for yourself. This is a very bad place to come to for advice about women lol.

lol true

So I've thought about the situation long and hard (no pun intended) I think the best advice is really just to move on, as much as that pisses me off and depresses me.

If she breaks up with him then I'll move in for the kill, but you can't wait around for people. She's great but she has a certain inertia about her when it comes to making life changes, so my gut is telling me that even if she realized that she liked me better, she may still end up marrying this shmo.

So, that's that for now. I'm still crazy about her, but I have too much dignity to waste on a girl that's already taken. I've seen friends waste years on specific girls with no results, and I deserve better than that crap.

You are already accepting defeat without giving it a try. If you try and fail, you learn something. Fail to try nets you nothing.

If she's already in an ok'ish relationship, she won't jump ship without first knowing if you are or not a better choice. You have to put up some cards on the table first.

Finally, and most importantly, focusing on any specific girl at the start of anything is just a big mistake. Diversify. Don't put all the eggs in the same basket. Focusing when there's nothing substantial yet will frustrate you alot in the long run, especially when the outcome may not be what you want. Meet other girls. After you have met 10 more, is this one really that important? Is she really that awesome then? Only you can answer that question.

[shep]

Best advice, find someone else.

If she's in a relationship that works for her she's not going to invest time building one with you.
If she does have feelings for you and is looking for more than friendship, you should be able to
tell simply by avoiding her for awhile. If you do run into her, be passive but friendly and don't
appear desperate.  Desperate guys are usually a huge turn off.

[SysRun]

It does suck but it is for the best, you really don't want to be put in the friendzone, if she has no interest in you she has no interest in you not much anyone can do to change that.

Well that's the thing, I think she does have some interest in me. If I was around a few months ago, I think there's a good chance she would be with me and not this other douche.

"other douche" implies that you are also a douche. Just let it go, man. Don't be that guy.

Just got caught up with your posts. Good for you.

[nathanghart]

It sucks, any advice?

Go back to your wife 

[b!z]

Accept it and fold. That's life (and that's poker).

Yes, it sucks, says the single man who's over 30. That's life.

[hardcore-fs]

Accept it and fold. That's life (and that's poker).

Yes, it sucks, says the single man who's over 30. That's life.

And all this crap is a copy of a British sit com... "Sorry"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sorry!_(TV_series)
Which is very funny.

[Monster Tent]

Find a girl you hate and buy her a house.

[BrightAnarchist]

So I sent her a funny email the other day, and she said "thanks I needed that, had a terrible day today".

Que pasa? My instinct gave me a moment of hope, and it was right on this: a quick FB check and I noticed her relationship status had just been changed to "single". Confirmed!

Although I don't wish her any "terrible days", inside I'm just screaming Wooooooooooooooohoooooooo!!

[vampire]

So I sent her a funny email the other day, and she said "thanks I needed that, had a terrible day today".

Que pasa? My instinct gave me a moment of hope, and it was right on this: a quick FB check and I noticed her relationship status had just been changed to "single". Confirmed!

Although I don't wish her any "terrible days", inside I'm just screaming Wooooooooooooooohoooooooo!!

Just don't get friend-zoned..

[Third Way]

So I sent her a funny email the other day, and she said "thanks I needed that, had a terrible day today".

Que pasa? My instinct gave me a moment of hope, and it was right on this: a quick FB check and I noticed her relationship status had just been changed to "single". Confirmed!

Although I don't wish her any "terrible days", inside I'm just screaming Wooooooooooooooohoooooooo!!

The hard thing about catching a girl on the rebound is making sure she doesn't go back to her old boyfriend.

To avoid this you need to make her accustomed to you and fast!

[cedivad]

Good luck man, i'm really happy of it.

Play your cards right, NEVER talk about her old boyfriend, and have a great time.

[molecular]

So I sent her a funny email the other day, and she said "thanks I needed that, had a terrible day today".

Que pasa? My instinct gave me a moment of hope, and it was right on this: a quick FB check and I noticed her relationship status had just been changed to "single". Confirmed!

Although I don't wish her any "terrible days", inside I'm just screaming Wooooooooooooooohoooooooo!!

The hard thing about catching a girl on the rebound is making sure she doesn't go back to her old boyfriend.

To avoid this you need to make her accustomed to you and fast!

this contradicts:

Just don't get friend-zoned..

I'm for befriending her. It's not that hard to go from friend to lover.