Bitcoin Forum
November 02, 2024, 05:26:07 AM *
News: Latest Bitcoin Core release: 28.0 [Torrent]
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register More  
Pages: « 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 [23] 24 25 26 27 28 29 »
  Print  
Author Topic: Tell us a joke....  (Read 35090 times)
Gleb Gamow
In memoriam
VIP
Legendary
*
Offline Offline

Activity: 1428
Merit: 1145



View Profile
December 15, 2015, 12:43:09 AM
 #441

Question: How do you make 1 Million dollars in the stock market
Answer: Start with 2 Million
 Cheesy

Question: How does one get their money off Cryptsy?
Answer: Jump through hoops via various cryptocurrencies available on any given day till you reach your monthly quota, then repeat the process again during subsequent months making double sure to not voice ANY opinion on Cryptsy's chat when it's availalbe for fear of being censured then banned.
BADecker
Legendary
*
Offline Offline

Activity: 3962
Merit: 1380


View Profile
December 15, 2015, 05:40:49 PM
 #442

The first 4 posts at https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=1276971.msg13158490#msg13158490.

 Cheesy

EDIT: Some of us have way too much time on our hands.

Covid is snake venom. Dr. Bryan Ardis https://thedrardisshow.com/ - Search on 'Bryan Ardis' at these links https://www.bitchute.com/, https://www.brighteon.com/, https://rumble.com/, https://banned.video/.
Bayuu
Full Member
***
Offline Offline

Activity: 154
Merit: 100



View Profile
December 15, 2015, 07:04:23 PM
 #443

I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."

mryoshi
Newbie
*
Offline Offline

Activity: 4
Merit: 0


View Profile
December 15, 2015, 07:26:41 PM
 #444

I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."

ahahaha Grin
Rizky Aditya
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Activity: 700
Merit: 500


View Profile
December 15, 2015, 08:29:50 PM
 #445

A blonde tries to call 911, but she can't find the "11" button on her phone
Rizky Aditya
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Activity: 700
Merit: 500


View Profile
December 15, 2015, 08:31:39 PM
 #446

Yo mama so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone line.
Rizky Aditya
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Activity: 700
Merit: 500


View Profile
December 15, 2015, 08:32:11 PM
 #447

Yo mama so stupid, she got run over by a parked car.
Rizky Aditya
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Activity: 700
Merit: 500


View Profile
December 15, 2015, 08:33:45 PM
 #448

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, the scale said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Gleb Gamow
In memoriam
VIP
Legendary
*
Offline Offline

Activity: 1428
Merit: 1145



View Profile
December 15, 2015, 08:38:22 PM
 #449

Yo mama so stupid, she put all your college fund into Cryptsy for safe keeping because she overheard that nobody's able to get their moneys out once deposited for a very long time.
catch.me.if.you.can
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Activity: 616
Merit: 500



View Profile
December 15, 2015, 09:50:25 PM
 #450

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
Come-from-Beyond
Legendary
*
Offline Offline

Activity: 2142
Merit: 1010

Newbie


View Profile
December 15, 2015, 10:01:59 PM
 #451

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"

Hahaha, I got this joke. Judas colluded with Peter to let the FBI in! (It's the most probable scenario because FBI agents can't get to the heaven after the death.)
bojan92
Full Member
***
Offline Offline

Activity: 168
Merit: 100


View Profile
December 18, 2015, 10:34:12 PM
 #452

here is another joke from me, enjoy it Smiley)))
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
BTT
Full Member
***
Offline Offline

Activity: 143
Merit: 100


View Profile
December 18, 2015, 10:50:38 PM
 #453

Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

dragansk1
Full Member
***
Offline Offline

Activity: 126
Merit: 100



View Profile
December 18, 2015, 11:21:05 PM
 #454

Joe asked God, "How much is a penny worth in heaven?"
God replied, "$1 million."
Joe asked, "How long is a minute in heaven?"
God said, "One million years."
Joe asked for a penny.
God said, "Sure, in a minute."  Smiley
bojan92
Full Member
***
Offline Offline

Activity: 168
Merit: 100


View Profile
December 20, 2015, 01:35:00 AM
 #455

After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side. “Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, 'Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem." Brian took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night. Then, Jill took off her panties and gave them to Brian. “Try these on,” she said. Brian went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small. “What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your panties,” said Brian. “Exactly,” Jill replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!”
jaberwock
Legendary
*
Offline Offline

Activity: 2730
Merit: 1127



View Profile
December 20, 2015, 01:41:15 AM
 #456

Sandra's parents always told her that, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again.

.

.

.


.

.

.

What they forgot to mention was that this didn't apply to skydiving.

blootstac
Newbie
*
Offline Offline

Activity: 5
Merit: 0


View Profile
December 20, 2015, 02:29:20 AM
 #457

OP is a funny gay Smiley
Gleb Gamow
In memoriam
VIP
Legendary
*
Offline Offline

Activity: 1428
Merit: 1145



View Profile
December 20, 2015, 05:13:11 AM
 #458

OP is a funny gay Smiley

The user I'm quoting may or not be a potential scammer.
bojan92
Full Member
***
Offline Offline

Activity: 168
Merit: 100


View Profile
December 20, 2015, 09:03:18 AM
 #459

Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times. After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch. Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fat man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp." Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one." Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I want to be the best golfer ever." The surprised genie said, "You sure? Most people wish for money, but okay. Now your wife gets one wish." Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away, "I want a million dollars every week of my life." The genie said, "Granted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I've been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sex with your wife, Dylan." Dylan said, "No way!" The genie replied, "Not even for a million dollars a week?" Dylan turned to his wife, who said, "I guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves." Dylan said, "Okay, have fun, I guess," and left. Dylan's wife then proceeded to have wild sex for the rest of the day with the genie. When they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was. She said, "Forty-five." The Genie laughed and said, "Isn't he a little old to be believing in genies?"
oser41eric
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Activity: 501
Merit: 500


View Profile
December 20, 2015, 10:46:37 AM
 #460


A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,

Your son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you DO sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you DO NOT sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…
Love,

Mom
Pages: « 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 [23] 24 25 26 27 28 29 »
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2006-2009, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!