Is marriage a kind of punishment?

[Applechild]

I am working on an article on relationships and marriages. In my part of the world marriage feels like punishment on the female gender. In the days of old as I learnt, it was the responsibility of the man to provide and protect the family but in today’s society, men relax and have the women do almost everything. I observed this most in Nigeria or African. women grow old faster once married. I take instances from my neighbours, family and the society. The man on any day wakes up, take his bath, dress up, eat and off to work if he has one. The woman is the cook, launder, housekeeper, nanny, hand lady, errand girl, cleaner, and she must be working etc. just name it and she must not complain, she must not be tired. For real this is happening don’t think am just assuming. I see it live. Why is it so? I once asked a man in this case, why he maltreats his wife like a slave and he said no reasonable man is allowed to do house chores or assist in anything. The work of the man is to bring money that’s all. Can this be true?  Will you like your sisters, daughters, neighbours, friend  be treated badly in the name of marriage? Let’s talk. No abuses or insult please. I need soul lifting contribution.

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[Cobbykels]

they say marriage is a life sentence but i dont think it comes with hard labour...treating your wife badly all in the name of the man bringing money home is not acceptable. Marriage is a partnership not a prison where there has to be master and slave. All am saying is marriage is not a punishment but it becomes a prison when the couples do not understand the term partnership.

[Jimbable]

Man, i'm shocked to see many of my fellow dudes getting divorced! And i couldn't have said that there is something wrong in the relationships they were having (husband and wife that is). The more you live...

[ryap12]

the word "punish" is  a bit too far. I agree though that women nowadays are treated like slaves as it is happening here in the Philippines. For me, its unfair if we let our wives do all the household chores. Everyone who lives in that house should help each other and split the chores. Marriage for me is a gift, is a way of accepting a person wholeheartedly and love him/her until your last breath. If you love a person, you would not allow that person to do all the tasks while you sit and relax. If you love your wife/husband, you should spend time working together on chores and discuss the chores thoroughly so everything will be organize.

[rhomelmabini]

I guess you don't have to generalized it but focus only on the society you live in. No countries has the same traits at all especially on a man behaves to her wife and wife carries the way her family. I guess it's better to provide more data first then begun writing an article when you feel it like it was the time. Do some quantitative research first since you feel like it is growing. I advise you start on your society first.

[Yorkshire]

Although, there are ups and downs in marriage, it does not mean marriage is a punishment. Currently, more and more people (men and women) all over the world are going into marriage. As a matter of fact there are thousands of marriage ceremonies taking place every weekend. Does it mean that people enjoy been punished? No! Marriage was designed to better the life of those going into it. Going by the adage “two heads are better than one” and if all things been equal while in marriage obviously the couple do better than when they were singles. As couple they will jointly plan their lives (career, family, etc) hence, they have a common goal.

[Jimbable]

In all honesty, my experience was pretty awful. My story is so basic, i despise myself - she and i married because we thought we loved each other. Then five years passed, we hated each other, and someday we just decided to break free of this said prison. Probably best decision in my last 2 years. So it might be bad that bad, but i know it might also be good for ppl. Just find the right person, that fit you (and you fit her/him).

[akosipepot]

It depends on the fundamental reasons of the marriage. Sometimes you can be forced into it or want to prove a point

[mhine07]

It depends on the fundamental reasons of the marriage. Sometimes you can be forced into it or want to prove a point

Exaclty it depends on the fundamental reasons , because a marriage will only be called punishment for a person who accept this kind of relationship when that person is force to do so. Or it is being arrange by the parents of both person to get marriage but they are not inlove with each other. Marriage is the best thing that can happen to a couple who loves each other and they says that marriage is a sacrament to couples.

[Applechild]

It is not a general aspect. I think you should read the topic with understanding. I said Nigeria and Africa which part of the world I live in. Sure will do research and that is why I will need you to help me get some details from your part of the world.  All cannot agree to same opinion. Thanks.

I guess you don't have to generalized it but focus only on the society you live in. No countries has the same traits at all especially on a man behaves to her wife and wife carries the way her family. I guess it's better to provide more data first then begun writing an article when you feel it like it was the time. Do some quantitative research first since you feel like it is growing. I advise you start on your society first.

[Applechild]

For example my landlady. she was not forced to marry the husband, it was real love so to call it but along the line something changed. I personally went there to assist her as a friend. what i saw baffled me. she just give birth to their third child and suffered some infection. on getting there I saw her lying on the floor and i asked why. she said she was tired and all that. while i was still trying to say something, the husband came out with food, gathered the two boys and they were eating. leaving the nursing mother out. i took permission to leave so she could join her family to eat but to my surprise the man said the woman cannot eat with him. its a taboo. to cut it short she busted out in tears, you know women and their emotions though. the man said a whole lot of crap that cant be repeated and am like wow, this is ridiculous. Somethings he said I have never heard before and i started doing some silent research within my street.

It depends on the fundamental reasons of the marriage. Sometimes you can be forced into it or want to prove a point

Exaclty it depends on the fundamental reasons , because a marriage will only be called punishment for a person who accept this kind of relationship when that person is force to do so. Or it is being arrange by the parents of both person to get marriage but they are not inlove with each other. Marriage is the best thing that can happen to a couple who loves each other and they says that marriage is a sacrament to couples.

[PolinaCryptoN]

I am working on an article on relationships and marriages. In my part of the world marriage feels like punishment on the female gender. In the days of old as I learnt, it was the responsibility of the man to provide and protect the family but in today’s society, men relax and have the women do almost everything. I observed this most in Nigeria or African. women grow old faster once married. I take instances from my neighbours, family and the society. The man on any day wakes up, take his bath, dress up, eat and off to work if he has one. The woman is the cook, launder, housekeeper, nanny, hand lady, errand girl, cleaner, and she must be working etc. just name it and she must not complain, she must not be tired. For real this is happening don’t think am just assuming. I see it live. Why is it so? I once asked a man in this case, why he maltreats his wife like a slave and he said no reasonable man is allowed to do house chores or assist in anything. The work of the man is to bring money that’s all. Can this be true?  Will you like your sisters, daughters, neighbours, friend  be treated badly in the name of marriage? Let’s talk. No abuses or insult please. I need soul lifting contribution.

Everything in marriage depends on the culture your people have. In my country women where given to men as some kind of thing but still they have been respected as they deserved. It depends on the general mentality of the citizens in your country. I think the solution to every discrimination of women in the family is equality of genders, and maybe not now maybe not everywhere but some time later there won't be discrimination of any kind.

[Rylei]

Sadly, there are some couples who maltreat their partners just because they are married. Not just because she is a woman, she must stay in the house and do all the household chores and not just because he is the man that provides for his family, he can do all he want to his wife. Married couples must understand that they are one now and that they are partners in all that they do. They must love, communicate, and trust each other to have a healthy and happy married life.

[Ladysmith]

Marriage, as anything that's extremely difficult but rewarding, takes effort.

The reason it fails so often is because it requires the same effort from both parties. The motivation for this effort can be easily lost once the wife and husband begin to have a hard time understanding the emotional, physical, and sometimes financial needs of each other.

"Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about." Even those closest to us.

Freedom is a state of mind. Sometimes the man can also feel in a sort of prison as well, trapped into providing for a wife who ends up resenting him. Marriage is one of those tricky things that can give you an immense sense of satisfaction or pain depending on how you play and interpret your hand.

[dogtana]

I wish everywhere in the world women were free to chose their husband and treated equally. I believe true love means mutual respect between partners. Which means share the chores, the work, the rewards. I also wish everywhere in the world women would be brought up with faith in themselves and be allowed to become whatever they want - business woman, politican or kindergarden teacher, which ever. I wish women were free to wear what they want, to have their bodily integrity intact.

[TECSHARE]

In the West many people would argue the roles the OP describes are reversed and they feel like the women get to relax while the men work. Of course this is a generalization, but it does not make it inaccurate. There are many social and economic differences that cause these results in both places.

IMO marriage was originally conceived of to build society, and a lot of evidence supports this premise. Human beings left without societal norms will often instead of building families, which are the fuel that builds economies and societies, will tend to fall into less constructive rolls. What tends to happen is the women gravitate towards the top 20% of men, and those men form sort of "harems" of women and the rest of the 80% of men do not form family units which are critical for a society's development. This is often referred to as the Pareto principle, and is also supported by numerous peer reviewed studies as well as internal analysis of dating sites.

As a result of this problem, the concept of marriage was implemented to balance the natural tendencies evolved in women for hypergamy, searching for the best conditions for themselves and their children, with the need to build society we all benefit from.

Obviously the intent of marriage was to create a balance from the natural order, but like any human system it is imperfect and often does fall out of balance.

[eann014]

Marriage is not a kind of punishment, it will be a punishment if you choose to marry a person that you didn't love and didn't love you back. I don't think that marriage is a punishment, it is our right to marry the person we love to be with them for the rest of our lives, and for me, there is no punishment if you truly love a person you marry.

[guybrushthreepwood]

I am working on an article on relationships and marriages. In my part of the world marriage feels like punishment on the female gender. In the days of old as I learnt, it was the responsibility of the man to provide and protect the family but in today’s society, men relax and have the women do almost everything. I observed this most in Nigeria or African. women grow old faster once married. I take instances from my neighbours, family and the society. The man on any day wakes up, take his bath, dress up, eat and off to work if he has one. The woman is the cook, launder, housekeeper, nanny, hand lady, errand girl, cleaner, and she must be working etc. just name it and she must not complain, she must not be tired. For real this is happening don’t think am just assuming. I see it live. Why is it so? I once asked a man in this case, why he maltreats his wife like a slave and he said no reasonable man is allowed to do house chores or assist in anything. The work of the man is to bring money that’s all. Can this be true?  Will you like your sisters, daughters, neighbours, friend  be treated badly in the name of marriage? Let’s talk. No abuses or insult please. I need soul lifting contribution.

There are sadly some parts of the world and cultures where marriage is still essentially modern day slavery and women are treated as second-class citizens that are basically just expected to stay at home and cook and clean and have sex with their husbands when they want it and that's about it. I don't think there's any evidence to suggest that women age more in marriage, though. I'm sure the men who are the breadwinners and go out and work hard all day also feel the stress of this expectation on them (though I'm not discounting how hard it is to raise children and be the home-maker).

In the West many people would argue the roles the OP describes are reversed and they feel like the women get to relax while the men work. Of course this is a generalization, but it does not make it inaccurate. There are many social and economic differences that cause these results in both places.

I agree with that this used to be the case, but luckily attitudes have changed very fast over the past few decades and now men and women are mostly equal on this front (at least in my country), though obviously some women do choose to stay at home and be 'housewives' and look after the children and so on. I have no issue with that as long as it's their choice and there's no expectation on them. I have no issue with a man staying at home and doing this role instead either.

IMO marriage was originally conceived of to build society, and a lot of evidence supports this premise.

I don't agree with this. Marriage was essentially created for men to claim ownership of "their" property ie wives, not for the betterment of society. I think marriage is born out of male insecurity and wanting some kind of contract that legally ties the women to them forever. I think a lot of oppression of women is born out of male insecurity and them not being able to handle the thought of anyone 'messing' with "their" property/wife. Why do women in some Muslim countries wear burka or niqabs? Those were rules imposed by the men of society because they want to keep "their" women covered so no other men get any ideas and are enticed by a bit of skin and try have their way with their wife. Once that women is married then they become the property of that man and the only person who should lay eyes on them are their husbands and that's a very sad state of affairs

[Applechild]

I wish all that and more.

I wish everywhere in the world women were free to chose their husband and treated equally. I believe true love means mutual respect between partners. Which means share the chores, the work, the rewards. I also wish everywhere in the world women would be brought up with faith in themselves and be allowed to become whatever they want - business woman, politican or kindergarden teacher, which ever. I wish women were free to wear what they want, to have their bodily integrity intact.

[Applechild]

For all the men, regardless of your background, tribe, colour, country and status, if you are doing the right thing keep on doing it but if you are not, it is not too late to try. The change we are looking for, begins with us -you and I. Someone said the first thing to be in life is to be human. when you have that at the back of your mind,then you will understand and have compassion for others who are equally humans like yourself.