Tell us a joke....

[Karpeles]

Q: Why did the cat go to Minnesota?
A: To get a mini soda!

Q: Where did the sheep go on vacation?
A: The baaaahamas

Q: Why do cows go to New York?
A: To see the moosical

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[bojan92]

While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"

[Karpeles]

The customs officer leans into the open window of the car and asks:

- Alcohol, cigarettes? © www.lettercount.com - come back tomorrow for another joke :-)

The driver replies:

- No, two cups of coffee, please!

[Gleb Gamow]

<setup>

Ask me if I know theymos.

Do you know theymos?

Do I know theymos?

One afternoon theymos and I were fishin' on Lake Titicaca when this massive pile of floatin' Zerlan shit bumped into our boat. theymos pulled out a gun from his tackle box and ordered me to eat it. I said, "I can't do that!" but he insisted, threatenin' to blow my bloody brains out if I didn't comply. What could I do? He had a gun. So I ate the massive pile of Zerlan shit, then we back to a fishin'.

Moments later, a massive pile of floatin' GAW shit bumped into our boat. I now pulled out a gun from my tackle box and ordered themos to eat it. He said, "I can't do that!" but I insisted, threatenin' to blow his bloody brains out if he didn't comply. What could he do? I now had the gun. So he ate the massive pile of GAW shit, then we back to a fishin'.

And you asked me if I know theymos. We had lunch together.

[Gleb Gamow]

Ask me if I know Leroy Fodor.

[Patatas]

Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink?
A: Juice

[lady Royal]

what goes up the hills with two leg and come down with three or four legs .. ?

[QuestionAuthority]

what goes up the hills with two leg and come down with three or four legs .. ?

An old man with a kane dies on the top and gets reincarnated as crawling baby going down. Or the other way around if you are no Buddhist.

That joke is more shitty than a diarrhea sandwich. 

[QuestionAuthority]

what goes up the hills with two leg and come down with three or four legs .. ?

An old man with a kane dies on the top and gets reincarnated as crawling baby going down. Or the other way around if you are no Buddhist.

That joke is more shitty than a diarrhea sandwich. 

It's not a joke, it's a riddle. When you grow older you may understand although I doubt that.

Hopefully I'll get it within the next 20 years or so (when I'm 80) or I'll die without knowing.

[Karpeles]

Why are blonde jokes so short?
  
  
  
So that men may remember them.

[Domian]

A few times to read it, although it did take,
making me chuckle, this joke ended up!  
https://i.imgur.com/kYAk0QP.jpg

I laughed quite a bit even though I'm sure I didn't get what I was supposed to.

Can someone explain me that joke?

[moug]

789

[moug]

An elderly man is driving down the M1
when his mobile rings. Answering it, he
hears his wife on the other end. “Derek,”
she says, “please be careful when you’re
driving back. I just heard on the radio that
there’s a maniac on the M1 near Luton.
He’s driving the wrong way!”
“It’s not just one,” Derek replies.
“There’s fucking hundreds of them!”

[Santoso]

Boy: "Do you know why there are spaces between our fingers, darling?"
Girl: "No. Why? Do you want them webbed? What are you? A duck?"

 

[Gleb Gamow]

Why are blonde jokes so short?
  
  
  
So that men may remember them.

Reminds me of the time a gal once told me she was a natural redhead to only discover later that night that she was naturally bald.

[zerorabbit23]

Think of words that end in gry. Angry and hungry are two.  There are three words in the english language. What's the third word? It is something you use every day, and if you've listened closely, I've already told you what it is.

Answer: Language (There are three words in the english language!)

[Gleb Gamow]

Think of words that end in gry. Angry and hungry are two.  There are three words in the english language. What's the third word? It is something you use every day, and if you've listened closely, I've already told you what it is.

Answer: Language (There are three words in the english language!)

I, too, have another that can only be spoken but not penned: There are three <redacted> in the English language. It's impossible to pen the [pluralized] single word that's redacted, but a clue could be found between one and three.

[Xian01]

A man walks into a bar.

His alcoholism is slowly destroying his family.

[DebitMe]

A man walks into a bar.

His alcoholism is slowly destroying his family.

That joke makes me sad

[bram_vnl]

Bobsurplus