Okay, I got two jokes that are really funny. Enjoy!
An American, a Dago and a Polack were bored shitless one day, so the Polack came up with a little contest for the three of them to have a little excitement. He picked up three bricks and handed two to the other guys. The Polack proceeded to explain the complex rules with, "Let's see who could throw their brick up the highest. The brick that stays aloft the largest, its thrower is the winner."
With that, the America proclaimed that he's an America and could surely toss his brick up the highest. After the windup and st, he pitched his brick into the heavens ... stop me if you're red this before ... and after three full seconds the brick landed at his feet because what goes up must come down.
Next, the Dago proclaimed that he's Italian and that he could beat the America with ease. After the windup and set, he blah, blah, blah ... landed at his feet after four seconds, now ahead in the contest. Oh, I forgot to say what goes up must come down, an important clause which will become evident at the end of this first joke.
The Polack now took his red brick and proclaimed I am a Polack, "Viva la France!" (red herring because Polacks are from Poland, not Spain), and I can beat both your times. With that, the Polack stretched out his arm holding the brick and gently tossed it into the air. All three looked to the sky and waited. And waited. And waited. Never to see the brick returning to Earth, thus the Polack won the contest and they all lived happily every after.
<I know what you're thinking, and I thought the very same thing. NOT FUNNY!, till I reread it and realized it was fuckin' hilarious. Okay, so I had to reread it three or four times to get it, but still the results were the same. Promise not to Google the joke to seek the humor. Figure it out on your own. Meanwhile, onto joke number two, a more conventional joke I'm sure you're concur.>
A seasoned flyer boards a plane and sets in his assigned aisle seat. Next to him is a white goose owned my a beautiful woman sitting next to it in the window seat overlooking the wing.
As soon as the man sat down, the plane proceeded to exit the boarding gate and taxi to the runway. The standard warnings flashed on the screen toward the front of the plane: No smoking and fasten your seat belts and some other bullshit.
Once at cruising level, the warning went off, whereupon everybody unfastened their seat belts. (pay no attention to joke being dually told in past and present tense, for that aspect is not important) The man drew an expensive Cuban cigar from his Josh Garza vest, stuck it in his mouth and lit it. He drew a drag ... Did I mention that this jokes takes place when smoking was allowed on planes? ... then blew out a giant puff of smoke as he contemplated how he was going to get rid of that white goose so that he can spend some time with the beautiful woman, a natural blonde one would think, but if you had the pleasure of seeing her nude you'll realize that she's naturally bald.
The puff of smoke reached the eyes of the goose, where upon it went, "<sound of goose making a terrible racket>." With that, the stewardess approaches the three and proceeds to tell the lady that the next time that goose goes, "<sound of goose making a terrible racket>" I'm throwing it out the window."
Okay, so we all know that in reality that's impossible, but please remember this is a joke, and as with all jokes, anything's possible, including a naturally bald blonde.
The lady not realizing that what the stewardess just threatened her with was an impossibility, she proceeded to tell the goose, "Please be quiet, goose, for I don't want to see you thrown out the window and get killed."
The man... Remember the man? The one smoking the expensive Cuban cigar? He's still trying to figure out how to get the goose out of the seat so that he could make some time with the beautiful woman seating next to the window. While thinking, he draws off his cigar and blows out another giant puff of smoke that again reaches the eyes of the white goose. The goose again goes, "<sound of goose making a terrible racket>."
The steward returns to the three more irate than her last visit and again chastises the lady with, "The next time that goose goes "<sound of goose making a terrible racket>" I'm 100% tossing it out of this plane through your window."
The lady again tells the goose to be quiet and how much she loves it, etc., etc., etc. Meanwhile, the man still trying to figure out how to get the white goose out of the middle seat so that he could sit near the beautiful woman takes a big ass drag off his cigar and blows out the smoke. Again, the smoke hits the goose eyes and immediately goes, "<sound of goose making a terrible racket>."
The stewardess returns to the three and grabs the goose by the neck. The woman starts screaming, "Please, please don't throw my goose out the window. But if you do, throw that man's cigar out the window as well, for it's all the cigar's fault for making my goose go "<sound of goose making a terrible racket>.""
The stewardess not in any mood to argue snatches the Cuban cigar outta the man's mouth with her other hand and opens up the window next to the woman with her third hand <remember, this is a joke where shit like this is possible>. She throws out the goose, throws our the cigar, then 150 passengers and crew (not the pilots) are sucked out of the plane through the window.
A few minutes later bodies begin to splatter on the ground and the goose flies safely onto Rex's Golden Pond. Guess what the goose has in its mouth.
This:
https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=990219.msg12595349#msg12595349 
