mdude77
Legendary
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Activity: 1540
Merit: 1001
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January 31, 2014, 03:20:15 AM |
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Two atoms are flying along at breakneck speed, not paying attention to where they are going... when *WHAM*! They collide.
One says to the other, "Hey, are you okay?"
"Yeah, how about you?"
"I think I lost an electron."
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive."
M
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I mine at Kano's Pool because it pays the best and is completely transparent! Come join me!
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joethejudge77
Jr. Member
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Activity: 42
Merit: 20
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January 31, 2014, 04:05:32 AM |
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A family is having breakfast and the older daughter goes: - It's time I told everybody, I'm lesbian. Younger daughter: - Yeah, me too. Father: Do you mean to tell me no one in the family likes good old dick? Son: Why, I do, Dad.
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Don't let me be misunderstood.
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hilariousandco
Global Moderator
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Activity: 4032
Merit: 2731
Join the world-leading crypto sportsbook NOW!
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January 31, 2014, 09:57:53 AM |
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this is a good one (no offense)
There's a black guy a Mexican guy a Asian guy and a white guy on a plane the captain says were too heavy please throw out any extra items you may have the Mexican guy says we have a lot of these in my country and throws out a bag of beans the Asian guy says we got a lot of these in my country and throws out a bag of rice the black guy says we got of these in my country and throws out some grits the white guy says we got a lot of these in my country and throws out the Mexican guy.
lol sorry for the racism
Racial humour is ok, but the jokes have to actually be funny - the ones in here aren't. Bottom of the barrel stuff.
See this. And you should probably change white guy to white American, because otherwise it's even more unfunny.
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superresistant
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Activity: 2156
Merit: 1131
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January 31, 2014, 10:00:06 AM |
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Bitcoin become mainstream :
- Hello, a double-cheese-burger. - 0.00242694883 BTC please. - ?? ?? ?? ?
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Kiki112
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January 31, 2014, 06:59:38 PM |
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Bitcoin become mainstream :
- Hello, a double-cheese-burger. - 0.00242694883 BTC please. - ?? ?? ?? ?
I think they would say 2.4 milibitcoins or they would talk in Satoshis
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batt01
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January 31, 2014, 07:49:22 PM |
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What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor. "Can you make me one with everything?'
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Phinnaeus Gage
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Activity: 1918
Merit: 1570
Bitcoin: An Idea Worth Spending
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January 31, 2014, 08:13:44 PM |
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What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor. "Can you make me one with everything?'
"What do you mean we don't come equipped with reverse?"
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blacksails
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January 31, 2014, 11:05:27 PM |
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A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation. They send an American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island, and arrange to come back and pick them up in a years time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst themselves.
"I'm an engineer" says American, "So I'll handle building a shelter". He turns to the Frenchman and says: "You French are pretty good cooks, why don't you handle the cooking?" The Frenchman agrees, and the American turns to the Japanese man "That leaves you to organize the supplies" he says. The Japanese man agrees and each man sets about his tasks.
A year passes, and the sociologists return to see how the men have done. They expect to find three desperate men, unhappy with having to live on the island, but instead find a huge wooden house with verandas and porches and balconies. The American comes to greet them, and when they express their surprise about the house he just shrugs and says "Yeah well I had a lot of raw materials so I kind of went to town and did the place up" The teams are amazed and are shown inside to the kitchen where they're greeted with the most amazing smell of delicious food.
The Frenchman sees their surprise and just shrugs "I had lots to work with" he says, "This island has loads of edible herbs and plants."
The team sits down to eat and are about to start when one of them inquires about the Japanese man. "Oh we don't know what happened to him" explains the American, he ran off into the woods to sort out the supplies and hasn't been seen since." They all agree that they should find the man, and a search party is organised. They make it about 100 yards into the woods, when the Japanese man jumps out from behind a tree, stark naked with peacock feathers sticking out of his arse and shouts: "SUPPLIES!!"
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sakkosekk
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February 01, 2014, 01:21:45 AM |
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A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation. They send an American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island, and arrange to come back and pick them up in a years time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst themselves.
"I'm an engineer" says American, "So I'll handle building a shelter". He turns to the Frenchman and says: "You French are pretty good cooks, why don't you handle the cooking?" The Frenchman agrees, and the American turns to the Japanese man "That leaves you to organize the supplies" he says. The Japanese man agrees and each man sets about his tasks.
A year passes, and the sociologists return to see how the men have done. They expect to find three desperate men, unhappy with having to live on the island, but instead find a huge wooden house with verandas and porches and balconies. The American comes to greet them, and when they express their surprise about the house he just shrugs and says "Yeah well I had a lot of raw materials so I kind of went to town and did the place up" The teams are amazed and are shown inside to the kitchen where they're greeted with the most amazing smell of delicious food.
The Frenchman sees their surprise and just shrugs "I had lots to work with" he says, "This island has loads of edible herbs and plants."
The team sits down to eat and are about to start when one of them inquires about the Japanese man. "Oh we don't know what happened to him" explains the American, he ran off into the woods to sort out the supplies and hasn't been seen since." They all agree that they should find the man, and a search party is organised. They make it about 100 yards into the woods, when the Japanese man jumps out from behind a tree, stark naked with peacock feathers sticking out of his arse and shouts: "SUPPLIES!!"
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QuestionAuthority
Legendary
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Activity: 2156
Merit: 1393
You lead and I'll watch you walk away.
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February 01, 2014, 03:16:14 AM |
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Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath.
Mahatma Gandhi was a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
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Vod
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Activity: 3920
Merit: 3169
Licking my boob since 1970
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February 01, 2014, 07:50:00 AM |
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Why do you people always make jokes about blacks?
When Jesus was about to die, he turned to his black friend and said "Don't do anything until I get back."
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lepirate
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February 01, 2014, 10:29:21 AM |
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The CIA has three candidates, two men and a woman, for one assassin position.
On the final day of testing, the CIA proctor leads the first male candidate to a large steel door and hands him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, regardless of the circumstances," he explains. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man is horrified, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!"
"Well," says the proctor, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
The CIA proctor leads the second male candidate to another large steel door and hands him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances," the proctor explains. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man steadies himself, takes the gun and enters the room. After three quiet minutes, the man exits the room with tears in his eyes. "I wanted to do it -- I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
Finally, the CIA proctor leads the female candidate to yet another large steel door and hands her a gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman takes the gun, enters the room, and before the door even closes completely behind her, she's fired off six shots. Then all hell breaks loose behind the door -- cursing, screaming, crashing. Suddenly, all goes quiet.
The door opens slowly, the woman exits, and wiping the sweat from her brow, she says, "Did you guys know the gun was loaded with blanks? I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
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Kiki112
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February 03, 2014, 12:08:07 PM |
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Why do you people always make jokes about blacks?
When Jesus was about to die, he turned to his black friend and said "Don't do anything until I get back." but how blacks didn't do anything? they were slaves, they worked a lot o.O
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cybershawrk
Member
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Activity: 70
Merit: 10
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February 09, 2014, 01:40:37 AM |
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q. what time does bob marley go to sleep
a. at 4:20 am
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Phinnaeus Gage
Legendary
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Activity: 1918
Merit: 1570
Bitcoin: An Idea Worth Spending
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February 09, 2014, 04:07:24 AM |
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q. what time does bob marley go to sleep
a. at 4:20 am
Bob Marley is planning on sleeping this coming Easter?
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crazyates
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Activity: 952
Merit: 1000
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February 09, 2014, 01:25:53 PM |
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A Baker was baking two muffins in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other and said: "Boy, is it hot in here or what?!"
The other one relied: "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"
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apsvinet
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February 09, 2014, 01:41:21 PM |
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I read through the whole post and didn't laugh once #Disappointed
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Omikifuse
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Activity: 1862
Merit: 1009
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February 09, 2014, 03:40:38 PM |
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Today is Sunday...
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mprep
Global Moderator
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Activity: 3794
Merit: 2612
In a world of peaches, don't ask for apple sauce
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February 09, 2014, 09:45:51 PM |
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Today is Sunday...
Great... joke... or whatever you call it.
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sakkosekk
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February 09, 2014, 10:30:02 PM |
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A rapist, a molester and a priest walks in to a bar. He sits down and order a drink...
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