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Author Topic: Tell us a joke....  (Read 34617 times)
lepirate
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February 10, 2014, 06:33:53 AM
 #141

A rapist, a molester and a priest walks in to a bar.
He sits down and order a drink...
HAHAHAHAHA, good one! Grin
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February 10, 2014, 08:38:24 AM
 #142

I read through the whole post and didn't laugh once Sad
#Disappointed

off topic

topic is : tell us a joke

go on go on go on

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February 10, 2014, 08:40:15 AM
 #143

What's the only positive thing about a pedophile?

They drive really slow through school zones.

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February 10, 2014, 08:55:34 AM
 #144

Let's give this a shot.

A man is going for a run down the beach and sees a woman with no arms or legs crying. He goes up to her and says "What's wrong?"
The woman replies with "I've never been hugged before" The man felt sorry for her and gave her a hug.

The next day the man goes on a run on the same beach and sees the woman with no arms or legs crying. He says "What's wrong?"
She replies with "I've never been kissed before" The man feels sorry for her kisses her.

The next day the same man on the same beach sees the woman with no arms or legs crying again. The man asks "What's wrong?"
The woman says "I've never been fucked before"
The man chucks her into the water and says "Now your fucked!"
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February 10, 2014, 12:45:55 PM
 #145

Today is Sunday...
Great... joke... or whatever you call it.

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February 10, 2014, 01:29:42 PM
 #146

If your girlfriend starts smoking, slow down and use a lubricant

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February 10, 2014, 02:59:30 PM
 #147

This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar.

"This is a nice place. I've never been here before," he says to the guy next to him.
"Oh, really?" the other replies. "It is a nice place. It's also a very special bar."
"Why is that?" the first guy asks. "Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That's an original Van Gogh, and this stool I'm sitting on was on the Titanic."
"Gee, that's amazing!" says the first guy.
"Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you'll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you're pushed back up."
"No way! That's impossible," the guy scoffs.
"Not at all. Take a look," the other man replies, and with that he walks over to the window and opens it. He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back through the window. "See? It's fun. You should try it," he says.
"Try it? I don't even believe I saw it!" the first man shouts.
"It's easy. Watch, I'll do it again." And with that, he falls out the window again. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40... 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back through the window. "Give it a try. It's a blast," he says.
"Well, what the heck, I'll give it a try," the first man says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10... 20... 30... 40... 50...60...70...80...90... 100 feet and splat -- he ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk.
After watching this, the second guy casually closes the window, heads back to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender arrives with the drink and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."


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sakkosekk
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February 10, 2014, 03:18:15 PM
 #148

A rapist, a molester and a priest walks in to a bar.
He sits down and order a drink...
HAHAHAHAHA, good one! Grin

A rapist, a molester and a priest walks in to a bar.
He sits down and order a drink...
True Story man  Grin  Grin ..! !!

It always cracks me up Grin
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February 14, 2014, 07:22:58 AM
 #149

A rapist, a molester and a priest walks in to a bar.
He sits down and order a drink...
HAHAHAHAHA, good one! Grin

A rapist, a molester and a priest walks in to a bar.
He sits down and order a drink...
True Story man  Grin  Grin ..! !!

It always cracks me up Grin
Hahahahaha LOVE IT :DDDD

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February 17, 2014, 05:09:03 PM
 #150

Not exactly a joke but i hope you'll enjoy it:
1. Go to google translate : http://translate.google.com
2. Input some Dots ( ......................... )
3. Select " Japanese "
4. Click Listen
5. Smile [ if you want to ]

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February 17, 2014, 05:14:07 PM
 #151

Let's give this a shot.

A man is going for a run down the beach and sees a woman with no arms or legs crying. He goes up to her and says "What's wrong?"
The woman replies with "I've never been hugged before" The man felt sorry for her and gave her a hug.

The next day the man goes on a run on the same beach and sees the woman with no arms or legs crying. He says "What's wrong?"
She replies with "I've never been kissed before" The man feels sorry for her kisses her.

The next day the same man on the same beach sees the woman with no arms or legs crying again. The man asks "What's wrong?"
The woman says "I've never been fucked before"
The man chucks her into the water and says "Now your fucked!"


this one is gold Cheesy


let me try Smiley

Hitler says to captured jews, I will release everyone whose reflection I won't see so don't get near the windows!
Hans, let them inside the glass house Cheesy

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February 17, 2014, 05:17:54 PM
 #152

Let's give this a shot.

A man is going for a run down the beach and sees a woman with no arms or legs crying. He goes up to her and says "What's wrong?"
The woman replies with "I've never been hugged before" The man felt sorry for her and gave her a hug.

The next day the man goes on a run on the same beach and sees the woman with no arms or legs crying. He says "What's wrong?"
She replies with "I've never been kissed before" The man feels sorry for her kisses her.

The next day the same man on the same beach sees the woman with no arms or legs crying again. The man asks "What's wrong?"
The woman says "I've never been fucked before"
The man chucks her into the water and says "Now your fucked!"


Still laughing Grin Ok my turn.

DId you hear the one about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil Grin
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February 17, 2014, 05:27:53 PM
 #153

@Dimelord nice Cheesy

Germans and Jews are playing football in a gas field, who's going to win?
Germans or Jews?

Jews of course, they're the home team Cheesy

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February 17, 2014, 06:37:29 PM
 #154

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends
and had a few too many merlots and some rather nice limoncello.
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

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February 17, 2014, 09:22:58 PM
 #155

How do you call a cross breed of a nigger and an octopus?

No one knows, but it sure picks cotton alright Cheesy

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February 17, 2014, 09:26:26 PM
 #156

What's the only positive thing about a pedophile?

They drive really slow through school zones.
Black, but good one xD
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February 19, 2014, 06:56:43 PM
 #157

 Grin Grin must read till end..  Grin Grin
.

This is one of best suspense joke

A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said,
"I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting!!!

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February 19, 2014, 07:21:34 PM
 #158

Grin Grin must read till end..  Grin Grin
.

This is one of best suspense joke

A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said,
"I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting!!!
lol
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February 19, 2014, 07:28:22 PM
 #159

Grin Grin must read till end..  Grin Grin
.

This is one of best suspense joke

A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said,
"I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting!!!
lol
i think husband should have died too after hearing that..! :p then may be he might have felt well Smiley

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February 20, 2014, 11:10:00 PM
 #160

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, "Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen."
The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you."
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