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Author Topic: Tell us a joke....  (Read 34617 times)
jdebunt
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August 01, 2013, 06:47:46 PM
 #1

Hey guys,

we need some humor up in here, so why not tell eachother jokes?

If you found a joke real funny, feel free to tip that person (if they posted their wallet)

Alright, here is mine, not going to start too strong.....

"A few days ago , i spent some time with a farmer. He had two chickens : a black one and a dog..."


Tips welcome in XPM : AQX6i7jWKZk3WchULwFybcFfGYTHtYRn2u
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Come-from-Beyond
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August 01, 2013, 07:11:26 PM
 #2

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, "Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen."
The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you."
QuestionAuthority
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August 01, 2013, 07:36:50 PM
 #3

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

Vod
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August 01, 2013, 07:50:48 PM
 #4

Joey.

I'm into creating universes, smiting people, writing holy books and listening to Prayer Messages (PMs).
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"Masturbation makes you feel good but doesn't do anything for the person you're thinking of.  Just like prayer."
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August 01, 2013, 08:41:37 PM
 #5

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."


Own address: 19QkqAza7BHFTuoz9N8UQkryP4E9jHo4N3 - Pywallet support: 1AQDfx22pKGgXnUZFL1e4UKos3QqvRzNh5 - Bitcointalk++ script support: 1Pxeccscj1ygseTdSV1qUqQCanp2B2NMM2
Pywallet: instructions. Encrypted wallet support, export/import keys/addresses, backup wallets, export/import CSV data from/into wallet, merge wallets, delete/import addresses and transactions, recover altcoins sent to bitcoin addresses, sign/verify messages and files with Bitcoin addresses, recover deleted wallets, etc.
Damnsammit
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August 01, 2013, 08:57:22 PM
 #6

How do you know if a Chinese tried to rob your house?
You get home and your maths homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway.

Why did the little black boy start crying when he had diarrhea?
He thought he was melting.

Whats the difference between a park bench and a black guy?
The park bench can support a family.

What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork

Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream was shot...


(I'm going to hell)
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August 02, 2013, 07:32:59 AM
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Programming is a lot like a sex.
One mistake and you're providing support for a lifetime.


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FiNaLize
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August 02, 2013, 11:08:28 AM
 #8

Phenix coin and its supporters

oser41eric
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August 02, 2013, 11:26:06 AM
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How are we supposed to hack your system if it's always down!
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August 02, 2013, 12:36:30 PM
 #10

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"
Ardenyham
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August 02, 2013, 01:28:41 PM
 #11


I don't know why the Oscars needs a best actor and actress category. You don't separate best director and best directress.
ferda2mx
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August 02, 2013, 01:43:52 PM
 #12

The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX
Boelens
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August 02, 2013, 02:05:00 PM
 #13

BFL
Phinnaeus Gage
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August 02, 2013, 10:26:26 PM
 #14

Josh, sitting at the bar, is complaining about the worse mixed drink he's ever had, demanding a refund. The bartender informs Josh that since happy hour is over and that the establishment in now in full production, there will be no further refunds, whereby Josh retorts, "Wait till Phinnaeus hears about your piece of shit bar operated by a monumental asshole!"

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n691309
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August 03, 2013, 07:15:17 AM
 #15

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."
co5hike
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August 03, 2013, 07:33:54 AM
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A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
MrHempstock
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August 03, 2013, 08:59:49 AM
 #17

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

BTCitcointalk 1%ers manipulate the currency and deceive its user community.
honky1492
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August 03, 2013, 11:21:01 AM
 #18

I love cats – they taste just like chicken.
EscrowBTC
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August 03, 2013, 10:08:17 PM
 #19

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

Good one!  Grin

Here's another joke:

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

Phinnaeus Gage
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August 04, 2013, 12:36:21 AM
 #20

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

Good one!  Grin

Here's another joke:

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!


Whereupon Officer Josh refunds the Man's ticket because he didn't want the courts polluted with his ilk. O.J. hands back the Man's DL and said, "Drive home carefully to your neighborhood of monumental assholes."

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