Edric, I really appreciate your openness with us here. It is a breath of fresh air to see some human emotion and venting amongst all the talks of scams, stolen wallets/coins or dumping which seem to fit right in place with the bct forums.
You are a very dedicated guy and I can tell by lurking
a lot of new coins and announcements that you are looking for a way out of the standard cookie cutter 9-5 workplace lifestyle and are trying to make it big in the world of cryptos. Feeling down sucks, I tend to be very cheerful in person and online, but I would be lying if I said i didn't have times where it feels like you are stuck and everywhere you look there is shit. I have found the majority of this community to be very friendly and collected, while I cannot offer you some old GPU's or point several MH/s at your server since I'm quite broke, I can offer my free time to you if you want to chat. Maybe teach a newbie something about MPOS / hacking / owning a pool? seems very interesting and would love some extra knowledge under my belt
Even if OctoCoin never becomes the next DRK or VTC, there is plenty of good to be found here and i enjoy every single bit of being part of what we have here
Would definitely love to chat sometime! I am constantly doing something on/around my computer so any questions you have feel free to bounce off me, I can either give you a good answer or at least point you in the right direction. Just some human interaction is a huge reward and I feel the same here in the Octo community, kinda like my second family. If you're interested in owning/running a pool I can teach you the basics and some more advanced stuff, to be perfectly honest with you, when I first started, it was out of curiosity and the thought that "I'm going to make a trillion gazillion dollerydoos" and was in a 4chan thread when amDOGE was giving him/herself (I think amdoge is a girl actually) the crash course in giving birth to a coin, so I dug around for a guide on how to set up a pool (which I had been wanting to do forever but stuff like pushpool and poolserverj and other crap was kinda daunting), using MPOS, but the guide was written for Maxcoin, though I'm pretty clever and good at just "kinda knowing" what's what so I had it running for PND in no time. That's the easy part.. For the most part it runs itself but then out of nowhere your email box is full of cronjob failure alerts, maybe you found 2 blocks 1 second apart and it couldn't write shares to the DB quick enough and you have an out of order share detection situation, or something goes wrong with findblock and there's no share ID for a block (which is a BIG PAIN IN THE ASS if you don't shut everything down and fix it quick, it snowballs), or dreaded payout errors which can be extremely confusing, and sometimes trick you into sending a manual payout which actually was sent by the system but flagged missing, thereby screwing yourself and your miners if you go too far in the negative that your balance doesn't cover payouts, your payout system shuts off completely. Lots of scenarios that will make you invent new swear words, or ruin the sheetrock near your computer, maybe even scare the kids by screaming at your monitor. But it's worth it, for every major breakdown, you get to pat yourself on the back when you fix it, and then you've learned something. But don't forget how you fixed it, because you'll do it again soon! lol.. Oh, that and share_ID rollover, that's a fun one. Open up the mySQL console, type in a query that affects EVERYTHING, sit there sweating and suffering tachycardia for a moment while debating pressing enter... Hit it and pray. Oh, everything works now? Awesome!! Oh, it didn't work? You just nuked your pool, your miners hate you, you're a scammer, you stole their coins, it was your plan all along, etc... J/K, but it's a bit tense manually digging around in the DB when things go south. Anyway, don't let that scare you, it's actually a lot of fun, depending on how big you go can be pretty profitable too..
You hit the nail on the head about escaping the cookie cutter 9-5.. Shitty job after shitty job, I'm well qualified to make a pizza (and I make mouth orgasm pizza btw, many years in the pizza biz including working for albanians and italians, lol), I just have no "formal" education, dropped out of school as a teen, I got seriously ill with mono (how the hell do you get a case of mono that nearly kills you anyway???), and my dad passed, and I hated school anyway so I was glad. So then I did what lots of other dropouts did, partied my ass off, did a lot of drugs, played in some bands, and had a lot of premarital sex. I partly lost touch with the techie part of myself for a while there, though I did have some bad cars for a few years. Always had a thing for computers tho. I was barely 3 when we had a commodore 64, my 17 year old brother was trying to show off some game to his friend, but didn't know how to boot it... I'm like, "here bubba, it's like this" LOAD "*",8,1 <enter> Yup, I was THAT kid. Making Hypercard stacks on the school Macs to annoy the crap out of the teachers. Did some extremely crazy stuff in a Pascal class I took my freshman year (and it's weird, I cannot remember a SINGLE line of pascal), me and some guys made a game called "Mortal Pongbat".. I can't remember what it did, though.. Anyway, jeez, I get lost quick and just start rambling, my head isn't together.
I swear, I am not high on anything, maybe later
But where was I.. Cookie cutter, yeah. Was working at Dollar General of all places when the shit hit the fan, I lost my wife and just left my house to rot, kept working there for a while but that store was only a couple blocks from where I lived, and ex mom in law was always showing up with my ex stepdaughter (and grandma is a damn thief, replacing $20 tag with $5 tag, she's banned now), but she'd show up and always have something snide or fly to say.. Caught me on a bad day, so It was pretty much the scene from the movie "Half Baked".. fck you, fck you, you're cool, fck you, I'm out! Walked away, and I swear, I will never, EVER, EVER work anywhere I have a "boss".. I don't care what happens. Besides, I'm working on building my empire, emperor Edric will be generous and bestow thee with octos. But I'm never working on anyone's schedule again, or by anyone's rules but mine. I take on lots of bounty jobs and little odd programming or testing jobs, but I get to do things my way, in the comfort of my own home. It's the best. A little way down my timetable is some big time expansion with lots of new pools but have a few projects going on, still some stuff to do around the new house (I built a fence today though yay), and maybe even see a shrink.. But anyway like I said, if you're looking to get into the pool business, just get with me and I'll show ya the ropes, or at least try, I suck at explaining things. Some people say I never make sense.
I'm gonna go off on another rant here since you guys don't seem to mind.. It's some pretty crazy stuff but is pretty much the story of my last relationship and how badly I let it ruin my life.. While I make her out to be the bad guy (which she is), she's also mentally ill, and besides, I stuck around, til the end, the last year or so knowing I NEED to get the hell out. So, read on if you want to know why I'm crazy now, or just like reading crazy shit. Up until this point, I've tried to keep my language as clean, articulate, and professional sounding as possible, but I have no more fcks to give anymore, and you love me anyway. lol
Aside from my close family (my mom and sister & her hubby), I don't have anyone to talk to.. I used to be a pretty popular guy and have lots of irl "friends" but the kind that come and go, as I was living the fast life years back, messing with drugs and being crazy. I only have one irl friend left that still lives around here but I never get to see or talk to him, so pretty much have no irl friends, nobody to hang with. I've been a loner most of my life anyway though, lol. I really do my best to try and stay cheerful and be optimistic about things, but things just have a way of eating at me until I snap, thus far I've managed not to snap in such a way that would cause horrible things to happen like death or incarceration, but I'm afraid if pushed hard enough it's possible. I'm sure most of you have had some bad experiences with relationships so can understand. The split with the mother of my sons took me many years, tears, and beers to cope with, and when I first laid eyes on my latest ex, everything magically healed. At first and for quite a while, neither of us had experienced love in such a way, I cannot even put into words what it was like, there's just no way.. When we met my alcoholism was horrible and I was so depressed and lonely, wanting to quit drinking but couldn't, was doing crazy things to punish myself for being a bad person, etc.. Instantly falling in love made my alcoholism just, like, disappear, and I was a 30-pack a day guy, lol. It was just so unreal. Over the next 3 years, though, her extreme opiate addiction (which she eventually pushed me into for a while) and her EXTREME mental illness (not joking, diagnosed bipolar, depression, schitzophrenia, etc.) just tore everything apart, my family, her family, everything. I had tons of stuff, like a home theater, bitcoin rigs, ipads and the kids each had sweet custom gaming PC's, had game systems ranging from PS3 down to atari, a nice car and a truck, a decent house with my mom and kids living with me. Lost it all, kids had to go live with their mom so we could bounce from apartment to apartment, getting evicted for non payment of rent. We were both working and making decent money but could barely keep gas in the car or food (but for the free pizza and salad everyday) because of the pills. It went on like this until we went and lived in my mom's garage for a year, got our taxes and found a really nice, though small, house for super super cheap.. Kept that for a while and kind of got a handle on the opiate thing (there's medication they give you to keep you from withdrawing and using), things were ok, but throughout our whole relationship after the honeymoon phase, the fighting was HORRIBLE.. I found out early on her whole family is bipolar but I figured I could live with that, after all you can't help what you're born with, except for the fact she didn't want treatment for it, and since she knew she's bipolar, it's OK to be as mean as you want to and do whatever you feel like doing. I told you guys before in another post about my PC getting smashed, when she did it, she cut her ankle on the heatsink (big ass Zalman heatsink, looks like a car turbo, lol), I got arrested for Assault FV with Bodily injury, though charges got dropped. Things only got worse after that, and near the end, screaming fights were DAILY, because I put my foot down and refused to spend my paycheck on methamphetamine. She would throw away her wellbutrin, take ALL her klonopin in 2-3 days, a complete zombie, setting shit on fire with cigarettes, falling asleep sitting there sewing a quilt, etc.. So when I'd try to talk to her about it, tell her that you're not supposed to take that much, and that you're like a zombie, burning stuff, can't understand a word you say, falling all over everything and your daughter is seeing EVERY BIT OF IT, I'm being abusive and mean, and insulting. When she'd finally run out of k-pins and couldn't get refills, she'd beg and plead, and scream and curse, threaten to leave me, blah blah, if I didn't get her some meth, because meth does the exact same thing her prescribed meds do, it makes her feel sane..... You with me so far guys? lol.. I'm sorry but I gotta get this shit out, can usually not bear to think about it so it's now or never....... Anyway, so yeah, begging for meth, screaming, threatening to call the cops on me and tell them I hit her (which I WOULD be arrested for, because her daughter is cut from the exact same mold and knows EXACTLY what to say for her mom. God I miss that little girl, she was such a spoiled little shit, but so sweet too, and never had a real daddy), so I caved a few times and let her. Also, at some point mid 2013, CPS got involved, likely her aunt called, because of the drug use, the caseworker showed up right when she was coming down from a 3 day meth binge.. I lied and covered for her, talked her the hell out of my house(I hate CPS), stalled her for a while because she wanted drug tests (which I passed no prob), even a couple weeks later she failed the test for more meth, using behind my back, but she's so adept at lying she managed to convince the caseworker it's because of her antidepressants (I've actually studied medicine a lot as a hobby, because I used to be a druggie, in her case it was a load of bs).. Got rid of CPS only to have them come back again because of the "Domestic violence", they were about to make me move out of MY OWN HOUSE, she flipped her lid big time and I managed to give the CPS lady a picture of what's "really" going on (which was lies, all lies, to protect her, keep the kid, and all stay together). Just bullshit on top of bullshit, drugs, I lost everything, my kids, my house, she even took my cat, Angel.
Couple of weeks before we split, she got a ride from my mom to go out to her mom's house, when they got out there she caused such a scene, her mom's husband pulled a gun on her, (hand to god every word is true, I can give you links to arrest records lol), was gonna shoot her, my mom, who is the most awesome person alive and is one of those "at one with the universe" kinda people, stepped in front of her, dude almost shot my mom. He was arrested for felony agg assault with a deadly weapon, which got dropped because my ex ran off, never went to court to witness... Anyway, that incident was the last straw, things had been getting really bad, her sanity was completely gone, and we had this fucking WORM of a neighbor that would try to worm his way into any chick's pants, and he "wanted to be her friend". I straight up told her not to be naive, heck, a couple months before he was trying to worm his way into her cousin and an incident almost got started because my ex is pretty damn racist, and the guy is black.. After the nearly getting murdered by stepdad incident she had another psych appointment, and she begged and pleaded me to go with her, which I told her was no problem, I was happy to, because she just couldn't express herself, all she could do at any time is just cry and shake and have panic attacks and extremely angry and violent outbursts. The doctor was extremely concerned, I took her aside and told her about the abuse of the k-pin which just made things worse, so the doctor recommended IMMEDIATE hospitalization *(I'll back up for a whole second here to explain something, during our whole relationship, our roles were reversed quite a bit, I did the cooking and cleaning, took care of business, she usually worked more than me and made more money, which during her "bipolar" phases was a frequent reason to just dog the shit out of me, regardless of what I do. I waited on her hand and foot, dinner in bed, movie night every night, flowers and a ring delivered to her job on valentine's day, the whole 9, she could be an evil bitch but I loved her regardless and tried to treat her like a princess, lol)*
Well right there at the end, she ended up running off with him.. When I tried to talk her out of it, telling her she didn't need to go anywhere but a hospital, she admitted "I don't know what I'm doing" telling me how she needs help and this and that, stayed the night at her sister's house, texting me all damn night telling me how she's going into the hospital for help, and that she wants to stay away from "him", which of course, I'm not an idiot, I knew they'd been talking and he was just trying to jump in her pants. She kept saying she'll get the help she needs and that we're still getting married and all this crap, then alternating to saying something completely contradicting, obviously completely out of it. I was at my house during this and she was at her sister's, I had come home from work and she was gone, when I'd left that morning she was all smiles and telling me she couldn't wait for me to get home. When I got home, all kinds of stuff was missing, clothes, blankets, pillows, the christmas tree... Well, until that night, there was no christmas lights in the neighbor's house, that night there was.. First fucking clue. She was talking all crazy all night texting me, then by morning she said "I'll always love you, I gotta go". I checked her sister's, she was gone.. I was like screw this, moved my computer to my mom's just in case, because my house kept getting ransacked every time I'd leave. Christmas morning I woke up super early because I hadn't heard from her, she wasn't at her sister's, and I knew in my fucking gut she was over at that dude's house. So I walk over there, his truck isn't there, but I walk up to the door anyway. She's in there acting happy as hell without a care in the world, and was like a deer in headlights when I pounded on the door. I won't even recount the brief conversation because I'm already shaking really bad right now, but honestly, I knew with all her problems it'd end somehow, likely with her dying from an overdose or me leaving because her behavior, but just jumping out like that without even the courtesy of telling me "i'm leaving you, fuck you, bye" or whatever, well that did it. I asked her a couple of questions through the door and upon hearing the answer, I smashed the door in, I was going to kill her. Then I stopped. And I said "merry christmas', and I turned around and walked back to my mother's house, threw my computer in the trunk and had her take me to my sister. And here I am. There's plenty more juicy details I could have thrown in but I don't have time to write a novel and this is really hard, i am shaking so bad. I'm sorry, this isn't the right place for something like this. I haven't been able to deal with it, all I have been able to do is sit here hacking and playing with cryptocoins, though extremely sharpening my computer skills in the process, but psychologically, I am a complete wreck. I've made a lot of mistakes too, and in a few cases I was quite the asshole, I'm not trying to play the whole innocent blameless victim here, in fact I slapped the woman once, not proud of it and I don't like to just say she deserved it, but it takes a lot of button pushing to get me to that point. I think some of the things that twisted my brain the most was the absolute pointlessness of some of the fighting that took place.... Say you go to the doctor and he tells you that you're psychopathic, does that give you a license to kill someone? If you suffer from bipolar disorder, does that make it OK to blatantly just go out of your way to be mean and abusive? Literally there's been times where I've said "please, PLEASE stop, you are being so mean, you're hurting my feelings, I love you, I don't want to fight".. "Well too bad, I'm bipolar, I can't help myself" then proceed to wreck shop. I just don't know what to do now, except just keep doing what I'm doing. I'm seriously losing it. I really loved my woman, I have her name tattooed on my arm, something I would NEVER have done. The weird thing is, I'm not pining over her, I don't want her back, I don't want to see her face, ever. I have tons of pictures of her in my computer, the icon shows up on the folder and I can't even go near it.. Need to delete them someday. My big truecrypt stash of wallet.dat backups, one of the keyfiles is a pic of her.. Stupid stuff.. Why am I saying all this crap? I appreciate every nice thing you guys say to me, you're all been so good to me I feel like I can open up to you guys, maybe I'm opening up too much. There goes my "professional" appearance out the window, I hope you guys will still trust me, despite the fact that I am losing my mind completely has no bearing on my dedication to serving you guys with honesty, transparency, and as efficiently and professionally as possible. I hope you don't think I'm a complete nut job, I'm only about halfway there. Maybe I just need to get laid. You guys know any hookers that take Octos?
Right before I hit send I debated not hitting send... and a weird thought came inside my brain.. This new house we're living in, I feel different here.. At the apartment we were at, I was in a spare bedroom, with my pc on the floor and an air mattress, beside a gigantic pile of my sis's kids excess clothes.. It was crappy, kinda like living like a bum or something, idk, not somewhere I'd invite some girl or a friend and hang out in, but I felt good in there. I have a nice bedroom now, but I feel weird in here. It doesn't feel like home, though they want me around as long as I want to be around. Ok, that's enough out of me. I seriously don't feel normal. Any suggestions?
Oh, and I've been writing this on and off for hours, any thoughts on the game name? I'm sure there's been a few posts while I've been sitting here attention whoring and dumping all my crap on you guys, but thanks for reading. I wouldn't even dare post a snippet of anything I say here in any other thread, you guys are the coolest. I know alot of this post is just whining and bitching and moaning, I'd bet a lot of you have been through similar experiences, so I know my story is nothing special, I just wanted to share with you guys, because I feel like I can... That's why I love Octo, and that's why we're going to make it.
I've scrolled up editing crap about 50 times now, and I think I screwed up copy pasting something to another part of this post. I'm tired. If it doesn't make sense that's why.
Sincerely,
your probably clinically insane pool op
Edric.
